The Bar Mitzvah Song (With Music Video)

Little Abel Rochenschwarz
Is all dressed in his suit
His yamika is on his head
They say he’s looking cute
He memorized his ayliyah
Who knows how long it took
His mother beams at him and says
“You had me at baruch”
But we all know it’s gonna be a hitsvah
I hope you have a great Bar Mitzvah

And then into the hall comes all
Of his Bar Mitzvah guests
As if competing for who’s who
Of whose nose job is best
Little Stacey Mandlebaum
Has drained her glass again
It seems that she has got a taste
For the kosher champagne
She’s on the dance floor shaking like a shiksah
I hope you have a good bar Mitzvah

There’s Manichewitz flowing like it
Is the holy manna
The dance floors packed the deejay busts out
With Copa Cabana

Then Mr. Smith is asked if he
Would like to dance the hora
Fists raised he says “just what the hell
You say’n’ bout my daughter?”
But then the conga line starts up
Let by Ms. Annie Rosen
Stuffed like a kosher sausage into
The latest Zac Posen
And little Abel’s staring and her titsvah
I hope you have a good bar mitzvah

And we all know it’s gonna be the shitzvah
I hope you have a great Bar Mitzvah

So I’m reblogging with the video. Sorry I made a lot of mistakes but oh well…hope the song gets across at any rate. Also, thanks to Michael at Spahr Plops for the inspired last line.


100 thoughts on “The Bar Mitzvah Song (With Music Video)

  1. Nothing like a community with a sense of humour! Here, we have the Sikhs and the Parsis (Zoroastrians) who can laugh freely B at themselves! Btw, I thought it’s HaVa Nagila instead of Copa Cabana that one dances to? 😊 Just FYI, there’s a small community of Jews in India…

    • Yes, I must say that we Jews are very good at laughing at ourselves if nothing else. You know, funny about the whole Hava Nagila/ Copa Cabana thing…I was just looking for a schmaltzy pop song sung by someone who was Jewish and then realized I had written the whole thing without mentioning the Hava Nagilah once.
      Funny about the Jews in India. If I would have guessed, I would think there was not a one.

    • Yeah, this one won’t be for the family band so probably just me performing solo or maybe with my son on back up guitar since he’s so much of a better guitar player than I am.

  2. It sounds like the music will write itself. I can hear it now in my imagination. Are you thinking about expanding your gigs and doing the Bar Mitzvah circuit. You could give Adam Sandler a real run for his money with this one.

  3. Oh my Gosh, Marissa, this is insanely funny! I’ve already read it three times, trying to pick out my favorite line, but that’s impossible because they’re all great. Can’t wait for the song! Umm…is that freaking Miley Cyrus in a Star of David? Uggghhh.

    • Thanks Kim! Yes, that is Miley with the Star of David. I was reluctant to use this image cause, well, Miley Cyrus, but she really did look like schmaltzy Bar Mitzvah entertainment.

  4. I absolutely loved this one and read it aloud (to myself) and could hear the tune, it sounds like a great one!! The funny parts of decoping a tadste for the kosher champagne and the father getting indignant at what someone may have called his daughter. I have danced the hora and went to at least two bar mitzvah’s, Marissa. Dad’s good friend and co-worker was named Herb (or Irving? He was always Mr. to us kids) Lezberg. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • Yes, Bar Mitzvahs are so fun. I used to love going when I was a teenager and the boys came of age. I added the music video. Did you see it? Not sure how that’s working since I reblogged it but see comments on this page, which is why I’m asking.

    • I wrote a new comment about the music and absolutely loved your tone of voice, the guitar “riff” in the middle and I put a promotional idea in my comment, Marissa!!
      I had a first date last night so didn’t get to listen until Sunday. πŸ™‚

  5. Oh, this is awesome! I am trying to keep my giggles quiet because I’m still in bed–video comes as soon as I’m up πŸ™‚
    I kept looking for a favorite line, and found that I couldn’t pick just one. Hopefully, Abel wasn’t scarred by the tisvah show πŸ˜‰
    Loved this!!

  6. This has a great folksy tune like an Amy Winehouse or Alana Morrisette, love your “riff,” in the middle!! Marissa, you have a great tone of voice, loved it! πŸ™‚ ❀ ***** 5 stars
    I wish you could get Adam Sandler or someone who likes original material to put it into a movie. He has sung about his yamika!

    • I have been trying to attract Adam Sandler to some of my Jewish humor but no one has the contact info for him. You might think it wouldn’t be so hard here in L.A. but nothing yet. The riff in the middle are the opening chords of Copa Cabana.

  7. I got to tell you this is a real winner. If Wolfman Jack were still around, he would be broadcasting from 50,000 watts of radio power. And now you’ve opened up a whole new tour circuit for the CheeseBergins. πŸ™‚

  8. I’m always so fashionably late… YOU ADDED SHITZVAH!! And that smile at the end!! You’re amazing, you’re terrific!! Excellent performance πŸ™‚ (oh and +100 for being an Apple person haha)

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