Little Abel Rochenschwarz
Is all dressed in his suit
His yamika is on his head
They say he’s looking cute
He memorized his ayliyah
Who knows how long it took
His mother beams at him and says
“You had me at baruch”
But we all know it’s gonna be a hitsvah
I hope you have a great Bar Mitzvah
And then into the hall comes all
Of his Bar Mitzvah guests
As if competing for who’s who
Of whose nose job is best
Little Stacey Mandlebaum
Has drained her glass again
It seems that she has got a taste
For the kosher champagne
She’s on the dance floor shaking like a shiksah
I hope you have a good bar Mitzvah
There’s Manichewitz flowing like it
Is the holy manna
The dance floors packed the deejay busts out
With Copa Cabana
Then Mr. Smith is asked if he
Would like to dance the hora
Fists raised he says “just what the hell
You say’n’ bout my daughter?”
But then the conga line starts up
Let by Ms. Annie Rosen
Stuffed like a kosher sausage into
The latest Zac Posen
And little Abel’s staring and her titsvah
I hope you have a good bar mitzvah
And we all know it’s gonna be the shitzvah
I hope you have a great Bar Mitzvah
So I’m reblogging with the video. Sorry I made a lot of mistakes but oh well…hope the song gets across at any rate. Also, thanks to Michael at Spahr Plops for the inspired last line.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
This is really a swinging melody 😀
Do you hear it? Personally I can’t read it aloud without hearing it. Just a matter of picking up the guitar and figuring out the chords.
I think it sort of imposes itself when you read the lines
Thanks Geetha! That’s nice to hear!
Welcome. I look forward to hearing you sing it. Will you provide the link in your twitter?
I think all of my blogs end up going into my Twitter so… yeah!
“You had me at Baruch!” Hahahaha!!!! And I love rhyming things with mitzvah like titsvah– ingenious! Her dress obviously doesn’t fitzvah! This entire song is filled with such Witzvah!!
Oh, you certainly ran with this in the way only you could Stephanie! So glad you are here today for this one. You always have me at Baruch!
I’ve never been to a Bar Mitzvah! I’m very curious now! 🙂
OMG Paola! There is nothing as fun as a good Bar Mitzvah when you are that age. All the kids get champagne..or at least they used to. Not sure now that everything has gone PC!!
I’ve been to many Quinceañera parties but I guess I’m missing a Bar Mitzvah! 😀
I would imagine they are not too different. Just substitute the cultures!
I need to see! 🙂
Nothing like a community with a sense of humour! Here, we have the Sikhs and the Parsis (Zoroastrians) who can laugh freely B at themselves! Btw, I thought it’s HaVa Nagila instead of Copa Cabana that one dances to? 😊 Just FYI, there’s a small community of Jews in India…
Yes, I must say that we Jews are very good at laughing at ourselves if nothing else. You know, funny about the whole Hava Nagila/ Copa Cabana thing…I was just looking for a schmaltzy pop song sung by someone who was Jewish and then realized I had written the whole thing without mentioning the Hava Nagilah once.
Funny about the Jews in India. If I would have guessed, I would think there was not a one.
Believe it or not, they’ve been here 2000 years, Marissa! Got a couple friends, too. There’s even a Lost Tribe from the east which has got recognised as such by Israeli Rabbis 🙂
Well, if they are there at all, may as well have been for 2000 years. We are one of the oldest religions you know. Very interesting.
👍
Also loved the mitzvah rhymes… send a link to the video when its done, please 🙂
Yeah, this one won’t be for the family band so probably just me performing solo or maybe with my son on back up guitar since he’s so much of a better guitar player than I am.
Will you sing in the style of Edith Piaf?
Heh, heh, Mike, I had to look her up. Well, perhaps for you although I was originally thinking Streisand.
Had to look up Little Sparrow! Goodness me.
Hey, at least I bothered.
True
Yes, record it! We need something to replace that Black Eyed Peas song, “Tonight’s going to be a good night…” Merely because they shout “Mazel tov!”
Do they really shout Mazel Tov? I never knew! I wonder how many Jews are in that band…ha, ha! Yes, it seems a recording is in order.
I don’t think anyone in that band is Jewish! However, they were trying to be the number one Mitzvah song. But you’ll knock em out!
Thanks! Yeah, I guess that was an attempt to capture that crown.
Hava Nagila is already fading from the masses emmory
What?? It’s a classic!
This really is a song you wrote? It is so good. Jews are very good at laughing at themselves. More people sould learn to do that. It is a lovely quality. Good poem…er song.
Yes, I wrote it. I have a vocal melody but just need to sit down and figure out the chords behind it. Jews are very good at self deprecation.
When you do we need a redux so we can hear your vocals.
I love it! Nose job comparisons, lol.
It wouldn’t be a Bar Mitzvah without them.
The lyrics are already so much fun. I hope that you soon get a chance to record the song, Marissa!
Me too! Think I’ll write the music tonight. It will be easy since the melody is already stuck in my head.
It is funny that sometimes you write the lyrics and already sing it in your head. It is like one package from the beginning on.
Yeah, I always think those make the best songs…they kind of write themselves.
Exactly, they come from that certain place withing! Cannot wait to hear it, Marissa!
It’s up now. I did a reblog last night which I know is really low traffic for wordpress but I kind of did that intentionally. Anyway, it’s up if you want to see it.
Of course, I want! I just came home but I saw the notification of the post. I am so curious. Will head over as soon as possible! 😊
This is the shitzvah!!!! You def need to record it
Ha, ha! Thanks! May have to add another verse about it being the shitzvah!
Ha! Maybe?? All I know is I really enjoyed reading this and really really can’t wait to see/hear how you perform it 🙂
Thanks! I’m still working on it!
It sounds like the music will write itself. I can hear it now in my imagination. Are you thinking about expanding your gigs and doing the Bar Mitzvah circuit. You could give Adam Sandler a real run for his money with this one.
Yeah, I should have people submitting videos of themselves singing the song to see if they hear it the way I do in my head.
If it’s in your head, you know what that means. You have a good head banging song.
This one’s actually a little more of a lounge act.
Only goes to show you. It’s time to stretch those composition muscles.
Oh yeah, it’s up now. I reblogged it last night.
Oh my Gosh, Marissa, this is insanely funny! I’ve already read it three times, trying to pick out my favorite line, but that’s impossible because they’re all great. Can’t wait for the song! Umm…is that freaking Miley Cyrus in a Star of David? Uggghhh.
Thanks Kim! Yes, that is Miley with the Star of David. I was reluctant to use this image cause, well, Miley Cyrus, but she really did look like schmaltzy Bar Mitzvah entertainment.
Oh yeah, she’s the worst, but I’d be surprised if she hasn’t been the celeb entertainer of at least one rich kid’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. By the way, I just voted for Erika Kind for “Most Inspirational Blog of 2016”, and was shocked that I didn’t see you as a nominee for humor. I demand a recount!
Yeah, well you know, I figure if I get too popular, I might lose my cool factor.
You? Never!!!
I’m guessing there’s no need to spike the punch at a Bar Mitzvah…hoping to hear the recorded verison…
No, not really. There’s enough champagne around.
Good times..cheers!
This is brilliant
Thank you Tosha!
What are those peculiar words you’ve used? Are they specific to some country?
They are Hebrew. Baruch is blessed and almost always the beginning of any Jewish prayer. The ayaliah is the prayer the boys say at their Bar Mitzvahs.
Thank you
I absolutely loved this one and read it aloud (to myself) and could hear the tune, it sounds like a great one!! The funny parts of decoping a tadste for the kosher champagne and the father getting indignant at what someone may have called his daughter. I have danced the hora and went to at least two bar mitzvah’s, Marissa. Dad’s good friend and co-worker was named Herb (or Irving? He was always Mr. to us kids) Lezberg. 🙂 🙂
Yes, Bar Mitzvahs are so fun. I used to love going when I was a teenager and the boys came of age. I added the music video. Did you see it? Not sure how that’s working since I reblogged it but see comments on this page, which is why I’m asking.
Reblogged this on Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth and commented:
With added music video! Check it out!
I wrote a new comment about the music and absolutely loved your tone of voice, the guitar “riff” in the middle and I put a promotional idea in my comment, Marissa!!
I had a first date last night so didn’t get to listen until Sunday. 🙂
Oh, this is awesome! I am trying to keep my giggles quiet because I’m still in bed–video comes as soon as I’m up 🙂
I kept looking for a favorite line, and found that I couldn’t pick just one. Hopefully, Abel wasn’t scarred by the tisvah show 😉
Loved this!!
Oh yes, that Annie Posen is really quite something!! I’m glad you liked it! I know how it is with the video. I’m always the first up checking my blogs and must keep headphones handy!
Note to self…bedside headphones!
This has a great folksy tune like an Amy Winehouse or Alana Morrisette, love your “riff,” in the middle!! Marissa, you have a great tone of voice, loved it! 🙂 ❤ ***** 5 stars
I wish you could get Adam Sandler or someone who likes original material to put it into a movie. He has sung about his yamika!
I have been trying to attract Adam Sandler to some of my Jewish humor but no one has the contact info for him. You might think it wouldn’t be so hard here in L.A. but nothing yet. The riff in the middle are the opening chords of Copa Cabana.
Very inventive rhymes and I love the melody to go with it! Yeah, great to see you on the guitar ♥
Thanks Christy!
Love the video!
Thank you Dina!
I got to tell you this is a real winner. If Wolfman Jack were still around, he would be broadcasting from 50,000 watts of radio power. And now you’ve opened up a whole new tour circuit for the CheeseBergins. 🙂
The CheeseBergens won’t do this song. It’s not heavy enough from them. I put up a FB post with this song about that on Saturday night. I think it’s time for a solo tour!
Either that or a break in their concert for you to do your solo thing. If it’s good enough for Springsteen or Dylan, why not Marissa?
Absolutely!
woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Thank you Jessie!
Truthfully, half of the references go over my head. But…I love this!!!! 🙂
Took a little bit of research for me to Colleen! Thanks!
I’ve never been to a Bar Mitzvah but I think you’ve given me a pretty good peak into the party and drama 😉
Oh, you have no idea!
LOL – how about duet together – I can sing in Hebrew???
Oh man, you can? That’s awesome! Is there any way?? LOL!
This has a very Adam Sandler “Chanukah” feel to it. Love it.
Yes, I’ve been hoping for a while now to be able to connect with him…which is not so crazy being that I’m out here in the L.A. area. Sadly, no one has a contact.
Do a 6 degrees of separation kind of thing… ok, that sounds crazy stalkerish… but I have faith in you!
Yes, like maybe I could be a kind of cool stalker.
Cool and stalker…yeah, those go together.
Very nice, Marissa!! 🙂
Thanks you Paola!
I’m always so fashionably late… YOU ADDED SHITZVAH!! And that smile at the end!! You’re amazing, you’re terrific!! Excellent performance 🙂 (oh and +100 for being an Apple person haha)
Well it was to good of an idea not to! Thanks for the kind words and inspiration.