“Hello my dearest watchers! Now
I’m sure that you have guessed
We’re back with a new episode of
Who can Mom The Best
Where we attempt to find the finest
Mother in the country
Judged by Frankie Heck, Marge Simpson
And of course Peg Bundy
We’re down to the finale round
Just one can win the trophy
So we remind you ladies you
Were being watched quite closely
Ms. Applebaum you were so close
To having been the winner
But yesterday we saw you serve
Your boy a TV dinner
And when your daughter screamed and screamed
And wore on your last nerve
We thought there was a second when
You looked a bit perturbed
Peggy liked it but Marge thought
You should keep your composure
So I’m afraid your days of Who
Can Mom The Best are over
So now it’s down to Mrs. Stubner
And to Mrs. Macklebee
Only one can win it all
Let’s see who it will be
Stubner we’ve dug through your things
And have reviewed the facts
And saw that you have let your PTA
Membership lapse
And saw on Monday little Joe
Was off on a field trip
But it seems that you never did
Sign the permission slip
Ms. Macklebee a benchmark by
Which all mothers should stand
You rule the roost with vision clear
A firm and steady hand
And time and time again we have
Put your skills to the test
It’s clear you’re this year’s winner of
Who Can Mom the Best!”
**********************************
So Macklebee would soon enjoy
Her 15 minute fame
Inevitably brought on by a
Reality show reign
Until the meddling media found
A technicality
It seems that she escaped a mental
Health facility
And so investigations ran
And came forth the fact checkers
Who found that her kids actually
Were mid age midget wrestlers
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
Too funny! And true!
Thank you S.S.!
Too funny. Love this one.
Thanks Craig!
Haha! Although they don’t have to be her biological kids to called Mom.
I suppose not! I’ll have to consult the rules of the show!
LOL! Your last verse is a riot!
Thanks! I like the idea of judging who is and who is not a good mom and needed some sort of irony in there!
👍
Those mom contests are brutal, and the fact checkers so determined! 😀
yes, it does seem that way! A bit like who are the brain police!
The judges never forget.
Apparently not!
Mad women make for the very best of mothers…mine, sadly, was sane
Well, what is a good mother really? And, come to think of it, what is sane??
If truth be told my own mother had an amazing germ phobia yet I suspect I may have mentioned it previously.
I’m not sure. Well, is that insane enough to qualify her as a great mom?
Crikey…I never bored you with my story. Wrong thread to do so now. Another time; another thread. Blow your mind it will, good mum that you plainly are.
Well you’ve certainly piqued my curiosity.
Well then, a snippet I shall afford you young Marissa. Imagine be an only child with a mother who (plainly thought the sun shone out of my arse) who was so afraid of passing germs on to me that she never touched, cuddled, kissed the kid that was me, not once (I mean I wasn’t that ugly)! Add to that the boiling of my silver cutlery separate from the other washing up etc. and there is a glimpse. Also, being that only child I knew no better than to think that was how every mother carried on…as you can imagine my early endeavours with the fairer sex were complicated to say the very least!
Yes, I imagine you boiling bras! Well, at least she may have kept you from STDs…in more ways than one!
Once more true. Although as any Englishman will admit they are impossible to undo.
The dreaded lapsed PTA membership. In my house, we associate the “mom bomb” with the Great Gatorade Controversy–I totally forgot it was my turn to provide drinks to my son’s football team. None has felt wrath until they meet the mom of a dehydrated player.
Oh goodness, as they get older there is so much that slips through my fingers. I never thought I’d have to rely on any sort of formal calendar until the day I got a phone call that my son was scheduled for a guitar lesson that I had forgotten about!
LOL!! Get out of the way of those competitive moms!
Yes, I suppose best not to compete…although I think everyone is a bit judgmental!
Yes, it can get like that at times..
OMG…. that reminds of the times when I was waiting at kindergarten for one of my kids and the moms started talking about their greatness…. urgh!!! Great poem, it made me laugh, Marissa!
Thanks Erika! It’s funny because I admit I am judgmental myself, although I would never say anything about it or brag myself. No one really knows what makes a good mom but I thought the concept of trying to find out was interesting.
Haha… it absolutely is such a funny idea! Yes, what makes a good mom? We are all human and different. We can only try our best and hope it was good enough! Our kids will let us know…
Yes, perhaps. Kids don’t really have much source for comparison!
😉
I laughed and showed this to my table mates! They like Frankie and how she buys donuts for the bake sale instead of baking. How she put a tracker on the kids’ phones and allows feet on her coffee table. So, we vote for the “Middle” of the road family that makes us feel lots better! 😉 ha ha!
Oh yes, I love Frankie Heck! She is my heroin!
I really had a hearty laugh with this one. Great comments too
Thanks Geetha!
Welcome. Thank you!
I did the days
And my wife did the notes
Now
Who’s the best
I believe it was both of us
Just a bit of reality
your poem is always on point
And the winner is
Envelope please
Ha, ha! That’s one result I would rather not have to read…or vote for!
You just know how to warm the cockles of my heart
Such sweet sediment
Hugs and wiggles
Back at you
And don’t let the door hit you when you leave
Ah, yes, or as a not very bright aunt once said ‘it warms the cockles of my stomach!’
No heart
Haters will Hate….Casey Anthony
Oh goodness, I’m not sure she’s allowed on the show.
Reality show to decide who moms the best, I love it. I’m childless though, perhaps they could have a “coolest aunt” contest? There, I would have a shot at it. Who else pulls out a squirt gun when a nephew needs his hair washed? Or produces a stopwatch from her purse to play “beat the clock” and see how fast he can get his clothes on before the kindergarten bus comes? Aunties do, that’s who. 🙂
Yes, aunts and uncles tend to be the ‘fun ones’. Course try being with them 24/7 and see how fun you can be…ha, ha! Hats off to the aunts and uncles of the world. My sister always gets a gift at Mother’s Day!
I didn’t even make the first cut…..
Well, Colleen, you know you forgot to recycle little Timmy’s art school project in the first episode!!
Yeah well…. if that’s all they noticed I’m okay with it. 😉
So will this compete with American Idol?
I was thinking Supernanny but whatevs..,
How ’bout Supermommy?
Or rock n’ roll supermommy!
I think we have a winner.
Sigh…another competition I could never win. I’d be right there with Mrs Applebaum losing it as my child is having a meltdown 😦
Oh believe me, me too… and who’s to say that’s wrong anyway?
True – it certainly makes us more interesting 😉
I’ve said it many times before, but you mums are so incredible , all I can do is bow
Even when we’re having melt downs?? And forgetting to sing permission slips?
mostly then!
Peggy Bundy judging this contest? That is hysterical.
Thanks! ha, ha! Who else but Peggy?
I could see her prancing around in her shoes and leggings.
CUTE! 😀
Thank you Rachel!
Always loved Peg Bundy’s career advice to her daughter Kelly: “We’re women. We can be nothing, do nothing!”
Brilliant advice!
Funny! And I love that picture you found 🙂
Oh yeah, it took me a long time to find something fitting. Glad you like it!
Possibly one of the best end lines of a poem. Ever.
Why thank you!
O…M…G! That ending… my face contorted with laughter so hard my boss thinks I had a seizure.
Oh no! Now I’m getting you into trouble at work.
Well… you know what? It is your fault. You writing stuff like that, that makes me want to read it during working hours. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.
I see where this is going…
Hilarious…there can never be a perfect mom…