A Wrinkle In Reality

“Hello my dearest watchers! Now
I’m sure that you have guessed
We’re back with a new episode of
Who can Mom The Best

Where we attempt to find the finest
Mother in the country
Judged by Frankie Heck, Marge Simpson
And of course Peg Bundy

We’re down to the finale round
Just one can win the trophy
So we remind you ladies you
Were being watched quite closely

Ms. Applebaum you were so close
To having been the winner
But yesterday we saw you serve
Your boy a TV dinner

And when your daughter screamed and screamed
And wore on your last nerve
We thought there was a second when
You looked a bit perturbed

Peggy liked it but Marge thought
You should keep your composure
So I’m afraid your days of Who
Can Mom The Best are over

So now it’s down to Mrs. Stubner
And to Mrs. Macklebee
Only one can win it all
Let’s see who it will be

Stubner we’ve dug through your things
And have reviewed the facts
And saw that you have let your PTA
Membership lapse

And saw on Monday little Joe
Was off on a field trip
But it seems that you never did
Sign the permission slip

Ms. Macklebee a benchmark by
Which all mothers should stand
You rule the roost with vision clear
A firm and steady hand

And time and time again we have
Put your skills to the test
It’s clear you’re this year’s winner of
Who Can Mom the Best!”


So Macklebee would soon enjoy
Her 15 minute fame
Inevitably brought on by a
Reality show reign

Until the meddling media found
A technicality
It seems that she escaped a mental
Health facility

And so investigations ran
And came forth the fact checkers
Who found that her kids actually
Were mid age midget wrestlers


76 thoughts on “A Wrinkle In Reality

      • Crikey…I never bored you with my story. Wrong thread to do so now. Another time; another thread. Blow your mind it will, good mum that you plainly are.

      • Well then, a snippet I shall afford you young Marissa. Imagine be an only child with a mother who (plainly thought the sun shone out of my arse) who was so afraid of passing germs on to me that she never touched, cuddled, kissed the kid that was me, not once (I mean I wasn’t that ugly)! Add to that the boiling of my silver cutlery separate from the other washing up etc. and there is a glimpse. Also, being that only child I knew no better than to think that was how every mother carried on…as you can imagine my early endeavours with the fairer sex were complicated to say the very least!

  1. The dreaded lapsed PTA membership. In my house, we associate the “mom bomb” with the Great Gatorade Controversy–I totally forgot it was my turn to provide drinks to my son’s football team. None has felt wrath until they meet the mom of a dehydrated player.

    • Oh goodness, as they get older there is so much that slips through my fingers. I never thought I’d have to rely on any sort of formal calendar until the day I got a phone call that my son was scheduled for a guitar lesson that I had forgotten about!

  2. OMG…. that reminds of the times when I was waiting at kindergarten for one of my kids and the moms started talking about their greatness…. urgh!!! Great poem, it made me laugh, Marissa!

  3. I laughed and showed this to my table mates! They like Frankie and how she buys donuts for the bake sale instead of baking. How she put a tracker on the kids’ phones and allows feet on her coffee table. So, we vote for the “Middle” of the road family that makes us feel lots better! πŸ˜‰ ha ha!

  4. I did the days
    And my wife did the notes
    Who’s the best
    I believe it was both of us
    Just a bit of reality
    your poem is always on point
    And the winner is
    Envelope please

  5. Reality show to decide who moms the best, I love it. I’m childless though, perhaps they could have a “coolest aunt” contest? There, I would have a shot at it. Who else pulls out a squirt gun when a nephew needs his hair washed? Or produces a stopwatch from her purse to play “beat the clock” and see how fast he can get his clothes on before the kindergarten bus comes? Aunties do, that’s who. πŸ™‚

    • Yes, aunts and uncles tend to be the ‘fun ones’. Course try being with them 24/7 and see how fun you can be…ha, ha! Hats off to the aunts and uncles of the world. My sister always gets a gift at Mother’s Day!

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