Skeletons In My Closet

I think your honor once you have
Reviewed the evidence
You’ll clearly see that what I did
Was more than self defense

I ordered her a pizza special
Toppings meant to please
The little brat just sat and sobbed
And said ‘ I don’t like cheese!’

She nearly broke the Xbox ‘fore
Defiantly deciding we
Should buy a new controller that’s
More suited to her liking

Nothing made her happy
She cried she moaned she grieved
But when I said it’s time to go
She didn’t want to leave

I called her mom and asked when she
Was coming to retrieve her
But she ignored my texts I guess
She didn’t want her either

And with my options very slim
I thought wise to deposit
Her in the dank and cobwebbed depths
Of my dark storage closet

She needn’t had to feel alone
I’m pretty sure she knew
The others that were stored in there
Like Mary, Beth and Sue

Amongst those who had misbehaved
When they had come to play
Thought they’d have fun it seemed the cops
Did not see it this way

So sentence me an unfit host
For these friends of my daughter
Clearly I’m in need of help
And a restraining order

Slap on the cuffs my guilty plea
Resigns me to my fate
But I’d choose to rot in prison than
To face one more playdate

This is a mainly true account of what happened to me this weekend.


103 thoughts on “Skeletons In My Closet

  1. It seems like parents of my kids’ friends didn’t want to pick up their children either after a playdate – even after texting them. I think they’re just happy to be kid-free for a while – too long while, though! Then there’s one who likes to come over because we always have pizza! Haha!

  2. Jolly rough luck that must have been young Marissa. I can recall banning gatherings of more than one nipper plus one of mine many years ago. As soon as the are 2 friends (or indeed more) plus one’s own it all goes terribly wrong; all ends in tears.

  3. Loved this, Marissa. I remember one of my daughter’s friends drove me crazy and was actually a bad influence on her. This friend was new in town and to my relief moved away a year later. The things parents have to endure. πŸ™‚

    • So far, if I had my way, every single one of my daughter’s friends would be banned! I don’t know what it is…she just seems to attract these high maintenance girls. I’ve gotten to a point when I feel like it’s put up and shut up or never have a playdate for her again!

  4. I have to say, I would take the Fifth, Marissa! I also would defend you to the death. My oldest daughter once was horrified after I dropped her friends back at their houses, they had been “brats” to my youngest daughter. I called them “little b- – – – – es” Not to their faces, though!
    I think the closet is a perfect solution for the four culprits you put in there. Do you give them bread and water, or are they fading fast into the dark other side? πŸ™‚ xoxox
    I loved this one and could soo relate to it.

      • My oldest daughter got the gist of my swearing since her father usually (an ex by this time, could swear up a storm.) She also did apologize to Felicia who she had been “rude” to with the encouragement of her friends. I heard them conspiring to “ditch your little sister at the pool.” There were only 5 years difference but to the older girls a “world of difference.”
        I admire your restraint not to write about their “burial,” Marissa.

      • Oh yeah, 5 years is a world of difference when you are young. And swearing, yes, a bad habit of my husband’s which my kids have yet to pick up on, thank goodness. Oh the things our kids can get up to!

  5. Oh my, I can feel your pain. My kiddos are long past the play date, but I was the mama counting down the minutes until pick-up time. It took several years of screening and friend-firing before we got it just right!!
    Sorry that I’ve been gone all week. I’ve missed you!

  6. Play dates. Ugh.

    I once had to jump into the pool fully clothed to rescue one of my son’s friends who was literally drowning. His mother insisted he knew how to swim. She lied.
    I’m still traumatized.

    You are justified in your cynicism.

    • Wow! That’s just crazy!! Thank god we don’t have a pool. Amazingly enough, my son’s friends (boys) are considerably lower maintenance than the girls. I’ve only had a problem with one so far.

  7. Oh, annoying! I wrote a long comment and lost it! Probably a good thing for you! In summary, my sympathies – very unfair if the other parents are taking it to be a baby-sitting service. Seems a little odd at that age (I’m guessing 10?) to have a sook when hanging out with a friend. I dread the day my son befriends an annoying brat- fingers crossed it doesn’t happen, but tough one cause I wouldn’t want to discourage friendships, particularly as he is likely to remain an only child.

    • Yes, that’s my problem. I want her to have friends but couldn’t she just have one friend who is really nice? Luckily (and maybe for you as well) I’ve had far less trouble with my son’s boy friends. He has about 5 that could live here as far as I’m concerned. They keep him entertained and are very low maintenance.

  8. I am quite firm with the friends of my children who are high maintenance and unruly, quite the no-nonsense mother so usually the kids just shut up and enjoy what they can πŸ˜€ . I only go out of my way for grateful kids and there are some πŸ™‚

  9. My kid’s friends would come and in never failed, they would always end up wanting to hang out with me. Probably because I had all the video games and candy…. and now I’m sounding way creepier than I intended so I’m going to stop.

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