Seven Urns

The Widow Foust lived in a house
On her sill 7 urns
Each for a spouse now dead and gone
And posthumously burned

But time went on the widow set
Her sights on new romance
And really she just needed some
More space to put her plants

For the urns she thought she could
Just dump them in a box
Or put them in that drawer where she
Kept all her unmatched socks

But with the ashes thought she might
Be more commemorative
What to do she’d not a clue
She had to get creative

Remodeling supplies were short
She needed help posthaste
So there went Dan the handyman
Into wallpaper paste

And Arnie loved Fido so much
She thought he wouldn’t quibble
To be the little bits she served
There mixed in with his kibble

And Joe he was a plumber yes
He had the magic touch
She knew just what to do that night
The toilet wouldn’t flush

So down into the pipes he went
And with a giant splat
So there you go, her toilet flushed
Much better after that

And drummer Josh, he had the beat
To hold it all together
Now he’s camped inside an amp
(It seems to sound much better).

And Audrey loved the laundry so
I’m sure she would be pleased
She’s mixed with the detergent and
Then small bits in the bleach

Jen was a cosmetologist
The widow bid adieu
Now she’s in an eyeshadow
A favorite shade of blue

And Jason was a garbageman
So fitting that his ash
Was easily disposed of with
The Tuesday evening trash

And so with each spouse aptly placed
Each one she held so dear
A weight is lifted from her mind
Her conscience almost clear

For if they saw their final digs
Sure they’d rejoice quite gladly
And forgive her for just why
It had to end so badly

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The Battle of The Bowl

The Bathroom tried to kill me
There’s conspiring in the plumbing
Sink told the Soap who told the Bowl
To be warned I was coming

The Toilet sat there mocking me
As soon as I came in
It interrupted my time there
With an ungodly din

It flushed itself a thousand times
It couldn’t get enough
Well that is, it finally stopped
Right after I got up

The Water would not sense my hands
I yelled I screamed I spat
A woman used same Sink with ease
Two seconds after that

And on the Soap I gave up hope
I pushed upon it thricely
On counter pumped a giant lump
It sudsed that up quite nicely

Then off to battle Paper Towels
Hand Dryer I did doubt it
It gave a look as if to say
“Don’t even think about it!”

And naught a Towel was dispensed
I pulled upon it plenty
Until of course my back was turned
And then came one and twenty

And so I ran from the Bathroom
I ran from it quite fast
And thought my luck to be alive
Was having the last laugh

But home I found that I was wrong
For I’d naught had a clue
My dress was tucked into my hose
Bath tissue on my shoe

Inspired by my friend Nimi at Simple Moments of Life and her post Slow on The Uptake.

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