I faked my death on Facebook
Forged up a sham account
And posted that I got stuck in
A chocolate vat and drowned
And came outpourings of concern
From family, friends and bosses
Along with 50 mediocre
‘Sorry for your losses’
And Jane who one day stopped liking
My posts all of a sudden
What did it mean? She heard the news
And just pressed the like button
Or my in laws that said “Too bad
To hear of this but look
Maybe now you’ll find someone
Who actually can cook”
But really just a lot of love
Was the all over trend
10 people that I hardly knew
Claimed they were my best friend
And commemorated me just like
I was the latest fad
Wrote lovely posts with memories
I’m sure I never had
And for three days I was the hottest
Trending news by far
Til Cam’s dog had to go and get
Run over by a car.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
It appears the rumors of your death were somewhat exaggerated.
Yes, only somewhat though…
A chocolate encased mummy sounds more interesting than those plain old Egyptian ones, no wonder you got so many likes
Well, there is that!
Really crafty dog to outdo you…. Sheesh. As usual loved this surprise ending!
Well, is it really a surprise? I often look at my friends going on and on about their pets and wonder if anything I could ever do would get such a reaction. I imagine if such a thing happened, there I would be looking down on the whole thing and just thinking ‘typical’.
Oh well, that’s life on FB! Drowning in a chocolate vat is the way to go! “Death by Chocolate” 😉
That’s true. I died doing what I loved.
…And in a year, you may choose to share this memory in FB!
Nice! Didn’t even think of that!
Well, Cam’s dog WAS truly amazing. 😀
Yes, well at least that.
Ah yes, no man (or woman) can claim their glory for long…especially on Facebook 🙂
15 minutes at best.
Ah, a three day wonder. Facebook is a fickle thing. Perfect way to fake your death. Death by chocolate. So funny, Marissa. 🙂
At least I died doing what I loved.
I thought that also. Love of chocolate! Ha ha!
Best ask your old man for my box of spanners back
Well, I’m not sure if they’re still exactly, well, in his possession, but good luck with that!
Those were my granddads spanners!
Oh dear…well, I’m sure he won’t be needing them anymore…heh, heh…
I hunger for a spanner
Okay, so I must admit at the juncture that it seems that I have no idea what a spanner is. When I googled it, it said it was a wrench.
Quite right…my box of spanners…I want it back forthwith…certainly before the Will is read!
Death by chocolate isn’t a bad way to go!
Hey, if it’s not natural causes, there’s no other way I’m going!
Laughing out loud. This is SO typical of FB it’s not funny. Oh, Marissa, you and your imagination! LOVED this one!!! LOL ❤
Yes, well actually inspired by the death announcement of a friend’s cat, and not to belittle the event, but it does make you wonder if anyone will care half as much when your time comes.
I’ve already decided I do not want a funeral, no fuss, no gathering, no flowers. You can be rest assured there will be no FB announcement when I go. No wait. Knowing my family *sigh* … who don’t even want a part of my life now, they will be the very ones to create a big fuss and have tons of posts on FB. So glad I won’t here to see it happen. LOL
Ha, ha! My husband’s family is like that. When you’re alive, no one cares about you but then, once you die, everyone’s running to the funeral and eulogizing you like you were the greatest thing since the invention of the wheel.
I’m making sure all my valuables by that time are gone. Everything that I treasure will be gone. I am not leaving a thing or my money to hungry, greedy, give me give me family. Nope. They have a BIG surprise when I die! LOL Wish I was around to see their faces. Oh Lord!!! Priceless!!!
Thanks, Marissa. You’ve got me giggling!!!! 😜🤗🙄
He was a special cat. I remember all the snuggles and purrs. I’ll miss him. We had a unique bond. Not one hiss or scratch. Heaven’s got another angel.
Sorry to hear about Cam’s dog 😉
Yeah, yeah, Cam’s dog…
I prefer Twitter for the “Announcement” as it is easier to # feelings of heart felt loss
The hash tag is awfully provoking!
Artfully. Must have been a typo
Dogs will win the trending contest every time.
Kids and animals steal the show.
I can imagine that it could be that way… not with you in person but in general… lol! Oh, this silly FB world!
I don’t know…I often wonder what it would be like. Who would care and who wouldn’t. The idea of trying it (faking the death that is) is very tempting as a social experiment.
You are right, it would be interesting to see who reacts in which way. I am sure there would wait lots of surprises!
Hopefully good surprises…
That is the thrill… you will find out once you tried it… lol!
“Death by chocolate”
What a lovely way to go. May I fake my death, too? We can pretend haunt everyone from the other side 🙂
Oh, that would be great. We could even haunt on FB! We could just start posting ‘from the other side’.
Hmmm….and now another shiny object to think about. How fun would that be??!? Imagine the poltergeist havoc we could wreak 😉
Something to look forward to in the afterlife.
Damn dogs hoggin’ the limelight! 😛
Yeah, really!
Death by chocolate vat? I can think of worse ways to go! Your truths about FaceBook are so accurate, it hurts (from laughing)! Love this post 🙂
Thank you! Yes, well when you see these posts about someone’s pet suffering you have to wonder if anyone would care half as much about you.
Bad news at the dentist today… I’ll be seeing her again next Tuesday and bringing her a copy of your poem Convenient Inconvenience, properly credited to you, of course.
Oh boy! I hate it when I have to go back. I’m like ‘it was hard enough to psyche myself to come here in the first place!
There was a rumor that your announced death brought Facebook to a stop. No one could believe it. I was going to send flowers but I had heard you were allergic. So I sent good thoughts instead. Glad it was only a ruse. Reminds me of that Mark Twain quote, “News of my death has been greatly exaggerated.”
Likely story re the flowers. And, by the way, I was the closest I’ve ever been to telepathic and never got your thought either!
It’s hard to be physic, you know.
Well, I for one am most glad to hear you’re still with us (even if that would’ve been the ultimate death for a chocoholic!) and believe me…you outrank someone’s dog any day of the week in my mind! Promise!
Oh, that’s probably the kindest thing I’ve ever heard… and I bet you’re not even on Facebook to mourn me!
Marissa, you are such a comedienne. Better than Lucy or Laverne or Candace Bergen.
I liked that you had best friends “come out of the woodwork!”
Don’t you worry, we will buy flowers and beautiful satin-lined casket.
You are way more important to us, then a dog!!
Blessings and confetti sent your way. Stay alive!
Ha, ha! Yes, I promise if I go it will be on social media only. Think of the money you’ll save on the coffin!
As I was reading this, I couldn’t help but think about the recent death of our former mayor, Rob Ford. He was a complete laughing-stock around the world and the entire city of Toronto looked like complete idiots for electing such a train wreck.
… but when he died prematurely at 42 of cancer, suddenly he was the “best mayor we ever had” and the public outpouring of grief was over-the-top nauseating. Suddenly the man was a paragon of virtue. I feel very badly for his young children, but I really wanted to gag through the endless news coverage. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next step is to apply for his sainthood
Yes, things like that do happen. My husband comes from a small town where that mentality runs rampant!
how unfortunate Marissa, here are some virtuous online flowers in the colour of blue
Thanks, I feel much better now.. Almost alive, like.
That’s the hopeful effect of such virtuous flowers
Death by chocolate sounds like a great way to go out.
If it’s not natural causes, that’s the only foreseeable end.
I agree!
Well, it was nice while it lasted.
And by it, would you be referring to the whole scam…or my existence…? Ha, ha!
HA! If I had thought of that I would have played that card. But no, getting away with the scam.
But come to think of it, from what I know of it, your existence has been nice to. 🙂
Oh okay, I’ll take that. Maybe something for the tombstone.
There you go.
I don’t think Cam’s dog really got hit. He was just in it for the money.
Well I nobody’s seen Cam’s dog for some time. What do you suppose really happened?
Is there a Chinese restaurant near by?
Well, what a way to go! 🙂
Or what a way to not go.
Hating FB more and more 🙂
Nice poem!
Yes, I try to avoid it at all costs!
I love the little fb tombstones! Not so easy to fake one’s own death anymore, alas–ah, the good old days of paper records!
right, not to mention faking your own death and then the little green dot pops up next to your name!!
You are brilliant… I may have to do this!
At your own risk!