I Faked My Death On Facebook

I faked my death on Facebook
Forged up a sham account
And posted that I got stuck in
A chocolate vat and drowned

And came outpourings of concern
From family, friends and bosses
Along with 50 mediocre
‘Sorry for your losses’

And Jane who one day stopped liking
My posts all of a sudden
What did it mean? She heard the news
And just pressed the like button

Or my in laws that said “Too bad
To hear of this but look
Maybe now you’ll find someone
Who actually can cook”

But really just a lot of love
Was the all over trend
10 people that I hardly knew
Claimed they were my best friend

And commemorated me just like
I was the latest fad
Wrote lovely posts with memories
I’m sure I never had

And for three days I was the hottest
Trending news by far
Til Cam’s dog had to go and get
Run over by a car.

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86 thoughts on “I Faked My Death On Facebook

    • Well, is it really a surprise? I often look at my friends going on and on about their pets and wonder if anything I could ever do would get such a reaction. I imagine if such a thing happened, there I would be looking down on the whole thing and just thinking ‘typical’.

    • Yes, well actually inspired by the death announcement of a friend’s cat, and not to belittle the event, but it does make you wonder if anyone will care half as much when your time comes.

      • I’ve already decided I do not want a funeral, no fuss, no gathering, no flowers. You can be rest assured there will be no FB announcement when I go. No wait. Knowing my family *sigh* … who don’t even want a part of my life now, they will be the very ones to create a big fuss and have tons of posts on FB. So glad I won’t here to see it happen. LOL

      • Ha, ha! My husband’s family is like that. When you’re alive, no one cares about you but then, once you die, everyone’s running to the funeral and eulogizing you like you were the greatest thing since the invention of the wheel.

      • I’m making sure all my valuables by that time are gone. Everything that I treasure will be gone. I am not leaving a thing or my money to hungry, greedy, give me give me family. Nope. They have a BIG surprise when I die! LOL Wish I was around to see their faces. Oh Lord!!! Priceless!!!

  1. There was a rumor that your announced death brought Facebook to a stop. No one could believe it. I was going to send flowers but I had heard you were allergic. So I sent good thoughts instead. Glad it was only a ruse. Reminds me of that Mark Twain quote, “News of my death has been greatly exaggerated.”

  2. Well, I for one am most glad to hear you’re still with us (even if that would’ve been the ultimate death for a chocoholic!) and believe me…you outrank someone’s dog any day of the week in my mind! Promise!

  3. Marissa, you are such a comedienne. Better than Lucy or Laverne or Candace Bergen.
    I liked that you had best friends “come out of the woodwork!”
    Don’t you worry, we will buy flowers and beautiful satin-lined casket.
    You are way more important to us, then a dog!!
    Blessings and confetti sent your way. Stay alive!

  4. As I was reading this, I couldn’t help but think about the recent death of our former mayor, Rob Ford. He was a complete laughing-stock around the world and the entire city of Toronto looked like complete idiots for electing such a train wreck.
    … but when he died prematurely at 42 of cancer, suddenly he was the “best mayor we ever had” and the public outpouring of grief was over-the-top nauseating. Suddenly the man was a paragon of virtue. I feel very badly for his young children, but I really wanted to gag through the endless news coverage. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next step is to apply for his sainthood :/

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