Matchmaker Muddle

Did I tell you bout Aunt Nettie?
Thought she was the schiz
Of self appointed matchmakers
The greatest in the biz

Her ears perked up her radar sharp
Her scalp and ears would tingle
She’d be the first one in the town
To know if you were single

Then phones would ring into the night
The spreading of the news
Who knew a single Jewish man
Who looked just like Tom Cruise?

Nonsmoker with a puppy dog
Who liked to sing and dance
A sexy hunky fireman
Pref’rably from France

A manly man who had a beard
Kind of a dude’s dude
Who also liked walks on the beach
And skydives in the nude

Or an aging gentleman
With vast amounts of wealth
Who let’s just say may not quite be
In the finest of health

And so her skills preceded her
Or so she’d like to boast
Though often not the perfect man
She tried hard to come close

So women did their best to try
Not to act too appalled
When their tall dark and handsome showed up
Short and fat and bald

Or Laurie the librarian
She’d found her match for sure
Till he’d end the night by asking her
The best places to score

Told Earlette she found a keeper for her
Best that she could meet
Turned out he was a homeless guy
She picked up off the street

And so it seemed that Nettie’s failures
Came out quite a cost
All hid from her following each dismal
Breakup and divorce

And though Nettie would notice how
Her friends would all steer clear
This did not ring the death knell of the
End of her career

Quite opposite her passion grew
There would be no forsaking
She now has her own website in
The world of online dating

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76 thoughts on “Matchmaker Muddle

  1. Enjoyed your storytelling, Marissa. What a humorous character who’ve created. I like that Aunt Nettie never gave up, even if she stunk at matchmaking; just found another way to reach a wider audience. She’s a smart cookie. Buyer beware.

  2. I’ve met strange characters online including my partner and father of my child πŸ˜‚ we’re still together (just). But it can work, as long as aunt nettie isn’t working behind the scenes and people are honest in their profiles

    • Yes, I know there have been success stories in online dating and I’m glad you’re one of them. I never did the whole online dating thing but I have to wonder how many of them really have anything to them as far as ‘scientific compatibility’ or whether it’s just a matter of throwing a bunch of people together and seeing how things work out.

      • I tried one of those ones with a 300 question thing that matches you based on some algorithm but that was just weird. I preferred to pick my own, meet in real life asap to avoid a false reality online and take it from there…

      • Yes, that’s what I think too. I think a lot of these single sites are pretty much like a night club except you know everyone there is ‘looking’ and they are pre-screened. Other than that, it’s just a crap shoot.

    • I’ve actually known people who were successful and unsuccessful for online dating. Personally, I think it’s more a numbers game then all of this hooey about them scientifically finding the best match.

  3. This was awesome! I was the match maker in my college group of friends.
    In fact, I set my husband with three of my friends before I decided to just date him myself. I guess that worked out okay πŸ™‚

  4. This may hit close to home, Marissa. I was breaking up with my match.com boyfriend when I started this whole thing! The Fiddler on the Roof, your various “punny” and nearly too true takes on Matchmaker interferences really made me giggle a bit. It happened long enough ago to make this so hilarious to read now.

    If only someone knew an over 50 year old man who enjoyed some of my similar interests and family times, plus enjoying travels and sharing a life together. . . xo

    • Oh Robin, for such a wonderful woman like you, I just know there is a prince out there for you, and I have heard online dating success stories. I just think it’s more a numbers game than these ‘scientific’ quacks say.

      • Thank you fir being nice and thinking I still have a chance with men, Marissa! I dated 100 first dates in six months, chose 3 and the one I loved left me to go back to a “mean and uppity” ( on our first date he told me she was rich and called him stupid) person who had hurt him so badly that is why he was on match.com in the first place. I sure can pick ’em! My best college friend thought my first hubby was the sweetest guy until we got married, she was my maid of honor. The second one, “no way” she said. And 3rd one, she could tell was controlling. She now makes me laugh in our long distance phone calls from Mississippi, saying “Robin, your man-picker is broken!!” πŸ™‚

      • Of course you still have a chance with men/ Why wouldn’t you? What a terrific personality!! Your man picker may well be broken, but, unfortunately, there are a lot of losers out there.

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