The Curse of the Black Thumb

The weather warms as my sweet children
Volunteer to take
The thriving healthy classroom plant
Home with them on spring break

But what my kids were thinking well
That I can’t rightly tell
But history dictates that this
Can really not end well

I think of lima beans to sprout
At merely 3 days old
When ours just turned an eerie black
And yielded deadly mold

Petrified petunias and
Non-breathing baby’s breath
The sickening sunflowers that
We swear became possessed

A tulip that apparently
Died of self immolation
A cactus that managed somehow
To pass from dehydration

And so the school plant’s blackened stem
A sign to me for sure
I say “Babies you might not need to
Water this no more”

Another added to the list
Of poor unwitting plants
In my defense they had to know
It never had a chance

And so on their spring break I guess
This clearly puts a damper
They should be glad they didn’t choose
To take home the class hamster

Thanks to Michelle at Lipstick and Laundry and her blog Grow Baby Grow for inspiration.

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78 thoughts on “The Curse of the Black Thumb

  1. Reminds me of my daughter! She always said either it lives or dies…. she never watered her plants. And now you might understand why I took over her guinea pigs…..

  2. I am rolling on the floor laughing! OMG…you just made my day. In addition to the ripped fingernails, I should have shared the picture of a plant that must surely be the sister to the one you shared above. Houseplants don’t fare well here…unless they thrive on neglect–I’m too busy playing outside.
    Poor cactus…I kill mine every time.
    Thanks for the tag and shout-out. Happy Friday 😉

  3. You know how they say if you can’t take care of plants, then you shouldn’t try to take care of humans? Bamboo plants are supposed to be the easiest ones to care for, and I’ve managed to kill 2 or 3 of them…but I have yet to kill a human!

    • Yeah, whoever said that I think doesn’t know what they are talking about. My kids are doing fine!! I mean, I haven’t seen them in the last couple of days…but they are doing fine!! Or at least that’s what the word on the street is…

  4. There is a reason there are no plants in my house. The picture you posted illustrates why.
    I’m relieved my boys never came home with anything that needed tending over the holidays :/

  5. My son was in a junior high science class where they actually got to bring home the animals. Oh joy! I think he brought home a rat over Thanksgiving holidays. He got too many conduct cuts to get to bring very many home. It’s the one time I was thankful for less than sterling behavior..haha….especially during python week!

  6. Between the yawns, you had me laughing again, Marissa. I cannot even imagine NOT having a green thumb. Tee hee …. How you can play with words and paint pictures with them is so so cool. Thanks for the laugh, my friend. I really enjoyed being here today. :). … And yes I really am yawning. LONG week. Thank goodness the weekend is here! I’m getting my camera out! YIPPEEEE!

    • Oh good for you! Yes, you are one of those with a green thumb who probably can not fathom how I manage to kill so many plants and I really have no idea why! Anyway, have a great weekend. Can’t wait to see some of the shots you take.

  7. Oh, yes! We had to replace a few plants brought home, surreptitiously. We didn’t want to get “into trouble” for killing off the plants. I have growing ivy and other hardy plants in my apt. I want to have their oxygen given off.
    African violets, pansies and orchids are dead in my black fingers, while the cacti don’t have a chance. When I get plants, I try to quickly pass them on before they are dead. Marissa, you had great rhymes and good choices of ways they would die. Almost like “Twenty Ways to Die in the Bergen Household ~(If you are a plant or little animal)”

  8. Maybe we should try our index fingers because our thumbs aren’t working! I’ve tried so hard to keep plants, but they’ve all committed suicide. I blame violence in video games. 😜

  9. This is why I am glad I never had to do any of that. We had cats. Cats are the trump to it all. No class pets because the cats will eat them. No class plants as the cats will eat them. No class friends as the cats will… make them sneeze. Or eat them.

    • Wow, I’m impressed. My friend just gave me a cactus plant a few months ago and amazingly it’s still alive. It’s the only plant to have survived in my household more than a couple of days.

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