Extra, Extra, Read All About It

A lady weds her guinea pig
With an alien mother
Woman married 20 years finds
Husband is her brother

Body of the Loch Ness found
On bottom of a lake
Man grows beard which strangles him
Since it’s made out of snakes

Baby born with lobster claws
And beach ball for a head
Elvis rocks with Jackson once
They’re brought back from the dead

Two children have a staring war
Go 10 days without blinking
200 hundred year old man that claims
He is Abraham Lincoln

Woman slaughtered in world’s largest
Rodent infestation
Boy eats 19 hot dogs claims
That he’s possessed by Satan

Girl hooked on computer so
Her family sues Twitter
Grandma murdered by her cats gets
Buried in their litter

Child’s finger paint of poop
Gets displayed at the Getty
ZZ Top guitarist says
He’s actually the Yeti

And so it goes eternally all
Written to entrap
Whoever is naive enough
To buy into this crap

Though there’s some consolation to
The articles enjoyed
Lest readers smarten up and I
Find myself unemployed.

I have such a busy weekend, my attendance may be spotty at best. My apologies in advance… you probably shouldn’t even bother blogging.


87 thoughts on “Extra, Extra, Read All About It

  1. OMG, it’s one of the best reasons to go grocery shopping. I’m not even ashamed of reading the tabloids anymore. I hope that you have wonderful weekend!

  2. I hope your weekend is busy writing for The Onion, you would be their best contributor for sure!! And even better with your witty poetry.
    Btw, have you watched the new x files yet?? It’s actually really neat.

    • I was kind of thinking of the Onion. I guess they try to be a but more satirical so I never really thought of it as tabloid writing until I wrote this. Thank you!
      No, I don’t watch the X-Files. My kids dictate everything that’s on the TV so I’ll have to run it by them first.

  3. That image of Hillary is so hilarious, especially the bottom part of building a special nursery to make it sound more believable. Donald would have a field day with this front page. Wonderful to see this type if media ‘crap’ put into poetic form.

  4. Was at the hairdresser today and had no internet. So I took one of the magazines and looked into it…. OMG…. this gossiping and making a huge story out of a snapshot! I put it away again and just hung on to my thoughts. Great, Marissa, as always ….. have to check the Getty next time… lol

  5. … and those are the most believable stories ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I was a big fan of the Men In Black movies and I loved the line in the first movie when Agent K says the most reliable news source was the National Enquirer ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Yes, actually it seems a lot of this stuff might come from the South. Did I ever tell you they do a segment on my morning radio show called The Redneck News. It’s not to far from this poem! Ha, ha! Thanks Lana!

      • Of course they do, Lol. Here we have the John Boy and Billy show. It’s funny of course, but then the rest of the world thinks we are all that way. Have a super weekend Marissa, hopefully you can fit some fun into it!

  6. I thoroughly was thrilled to hear all the latest news and dare I say it? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Gossip?
    Marissa, enjoy your busy weekend and people will keep their blogging to a minimum until you~ “Come back to US!!” ๐Ÿ™‚
    I was sad to see another musician, Jefferson. Airplane original joining those greats up in the Sky.

  7. I read a story
    And The News says it’s true
    The verse that follows
    Is all about you:

    Woman once was a punk
    bass player in a band
    Now only listens to one kind of music
    She finds Lawrence Welk grand

  8. I love the way your mind works, Marissa. This reminded me of the first Men in Black movie when Tommie Lee Jones and Will Smith perused the Enquirer to find aliens.
    I’ll also think of this poem every time I land in Memphis, and “Suspicious Minds” is playing on the escalator ride to the rental cars.

    • You’re the second person to make the MIB comparison. I watched the movie but with my kids so sometimes it’s hard for me to pay attention with them jumping around. I’ll have too watch again. The play it on television quite often.

      • You have to go into your reader and then on the top of the page it says ‘followed sites’ with a button ‘manage’. You click on that and then you see all the sites you follow. If you click a little arrow next to the name of the blog you want to manage a little menu will come up that will give you the option to have the blogs come into your email instantly if you just swipe across the little button. The only problem is, you may have a hard time finding the blogs you want to have emailed to you since there’s really no way to search through the list other than to keep scrolling…not that I know of anyway.

      • Thank you, such clear instructions . Exactly my brain needs. I will re-read these instructions, later on and make use of them within my account. So much easier, my gosh, I was going on memory to check blogs

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