Prince Albert In A Can

I want to make prank phone calls that
Are so clever and cunning
Call my teacher up to ask if her
Refrigerator’s running

I could call my mother’s boss up and
While trying not to snicker
Confirm an order with his wife for
A Mexican stripper

Or ring best friend’s sister, oh
I surely could be wicked
When she hears that she happened to win
Some One Direction tickets

Or tell someone’s old grandma that
They won a dream vacation
Or survey random strangers for
Their private information

Breath heavy in the mouth piece when
They pick up for the call
Or just hang up not having said
A single word at all

Or play recorded pieces of
Two people having sex
Or make my voice demonic and
Say to the phone “You’re next!”

I want to make prank phone calls
And be rolling on the floor
Just like my mom and auntie did
So many years before

I want to make prank phone calls
Oh, how fun it seemed to be
Before those stupid voice mails and
Dumb old caller ID.

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77 thoughts on “Prince Albert In A Can

  1. Enjoyed this one rather a lot Marissa. Took me back to the time when my boss popped out for a haircut at the barbers just down from our office. While said boss was sat in the barber’s chair with shampoo being massaged in one of the wags from the office telephoned the barber telling him not to touch our boss’s head as the test results had just come back confirming his highly infectious, incurable scalp condition. The poor chap was politely asked to leave. Happy days!

  2. You are a wild one! I never did prank calls and never really saw the amusement factor in of them.
    Having said that, I would like to be a fly on the wall when someone gets the demonic voice saying they’re next!! That is one really evil prank. MWAHAHAHA!! Love it.

    Ummm … please don’t do it to me. I’m already afraid of the dark :/

  3. Haha! I was rolling while reading, Marissa! I recall that some kids from my son’s school made fun calls… not realizing I have their numbers. It was fun for me when I called back… lol!

  4. I miss those days! While in middle school, my best friend and I made up a dance routine to “Feed My Mind,Frankenstein” by Alice Cooper. I have no idea why that was our song choice, but the ‘dance’ mainly consisted of a lot of slow walking and hand gestures. During our breaks from ‘dance practice’ , we made a lot of crank calls.

    • I vaguely remember the funniest of all my prank call escapades being calling up people and saying Happy Halloween with an Indian accent. I can’t remember what that was inspired by.
      Sometimes the lamest ones are the funniest. I think part of it is just thinking to yourself ‘I can’t believe I’m being so lame!’

  5. Oh my, you gave the best ending! I was remembering those fun prank phone cslls, nodding my head until reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I forgot that cell phones would identify me if I called and said the neighbor’s car is rolling down the street. Darn! 😦

      • I was watching a cartoon with my grandson, Micah, and it is called, “Teen Titans.” There was an episode with this boy named Robin and the gang was calling up people and asking about their refrigerator running. 🙂 Then, there is a silly one called, “Clarence” where a boy gets himself invited to a girls’ slumber party and they “prank” his friend who is smart and tease him, then hang up. Can you believe that the creators of cartoons are our age and think about such subjects? 🙂

  6. there is this number you call and can ask them anything. I always just rang them when i needed to find random things out, even though i could have just googled it for most probably, heaps less coinage. Funny stuff MB. Lucky you don’t have a middle name starting with i.

  7. Ha! Great as usual, even though I had a little spoiler alert on my blog tonight with the ending. Did you ever see an old (like really old!) movie (and they may have remade it?) called “I Know Who You Are and I Know What You Did!” If not, it’s the perfect movie about prank phone calls!

    • No, I haven’t seen it. Sounds like fun. Maybe if I could ever persuade my kids to see an old (like really old!) movie, I’ll get to watch it. Sounds like fun for the whole family, ha, ha!

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