From Out of The Hands Of Babes

The paper placed into your hands
The picture that she drew
And luckily stops to explain
“Look mommy, it’s you!”

My mouth is in a rictus grin
My eyes bulge either way
I look like Gary Busey might when
It’s a bad hair day

My sweater doesn’t match my pants
So much to my remorse
I might be out walking the dog
Or strangling a small horse

My breasts look a bit like Maxine’s
My nose a bit like Shrek
It seems a great misfortune I
Was born without a neck

A building coming to my knees
Completes a lovely vision
So it seems I suffer from
A case of gigantism

I note Hamburger Helper hands
Perhaps just a tad bigger
Which looks obscene when juxtaposed
With my girlish stick figure

My girl looks up expectantly
Fixed with an impish grin she
Clearly does know me all too well
“At least I made you skinny.”

Insulting-Mommy-Pic-12

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69 thoughts on “From Out of The Hands Of Babes

  1. I, too, have been presented with Gary Busey drawings, announcing my portrait! I’m getting better looking as my kids get older though. I’ve graduated to Betty White. Next year I’m hoping for Christy Brinkley, but I won’t hold my breath. I say you’re off to a good start!

  2. Yeah, at least she drew you skinny! I’m trying to nurture this artistic part in my children in the hopes they bring out the images I got stuck in my head. Do you think these imagery get passed on?

    • That’s an interesting question. When my daughter was in preschool her school closed for a while and the teachers were coming to our houses for private lessons and I got to sit in. So, they tried to teach my daughter things like coloring eyes an actual eye color and things like this…paying attention to detail really. I commented to the teacher that I should try to teach my son to do the same because he was not detail oriented. They told me that teaching a child to be detail oriented was something you could teach a child of 3, 4, 5 (my daughter was 4 at the time) but once they get older, it’s pretty much a lost cause. My son was already about 9 so….

      • Really?! Gosh that saddens me. No hope for me then. Well, I could always practice – or use that sketch app!
        I can really relate to this post – but I’d like my kids to just draw what’s meaningful for them. Find their own style and not be dictated by what society or teachers tell them what eye color’s supposed to be…

  3. Just love children’s art. The beginnings of creative expression. I remember giving my daughters crayons at a very early age. They liked play dough better and oh those messy sparkles. Loved the description of the details of seeing what you look like on paper. Gotta’ love ’em.

  4. I think the way you added Maxine in there was my first part I needed to remember to say, “oh no, not droopy boobs!” Thankfully, my grandies have nor seen me without my “lift and separate” underwrite bras. They do tend to make me with no neck. This is really funny since I am critiquing the way kids draw us! πŸ˜€
    Your sweet daughter made you thin, big eyes and a sweet face. This means you are OK in her book. Now, where in the world did she get the idea you would wear mismatched clothing, Marissa?! πŸ™‚

      • We (adults from the hippie care free days, you from the rocker days) like to wear more crazy clothes than the younger kids do. They lost a little bit of their originality. At least my grandies have. . . I once bought at a flea market a Mexican poncho. I sewed a seam on it and it became a skirt! Wish I had that neat textile now! πŸ™‚

    • Not many. Usually I ask her if she wants to keep them or not but if it’s just something she scribbled on a paper, I might just throw it out before giving her the chance to give her opinion. Otherwise, can’t say what my house would look like!

  5. Hahaha, Oh gosh , Children are like the best mini-comedians (without even trying) ! πŸ˜€
    My mom also has these embarrassing letters saved, I wrote to her when I was like around 7 and she was away to another city and now when she showed me those letter again few weeks ago I refused to believe that I wrote them ! ha !

  6. Great topic, my friend and implemented adorably. Early drawings of me (from all six of my kids) feature a semi-normal body, normal face and then this ludicrous giant hair taking over everything. Odd that all six children had the same exact poor artistic eye for realistic details. Oh well. . . πŸ˜‰

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