How The Turtle Got His Shell

So long ago the earth was new
When nobody yet had a clue
Of internet or cell phone calls
And just carved hash tags into walls
The turtle didn’t do so well
Because you see, he’d not a shell

So he’d get teased he knew not why
So badly that he’d sometimes cry
Perhaps they did it out of boredom
For clearly he was not their problem
So maybe they had little brains
No anti bullying campaigns

But oh the mean things they would say
Like “you look 90 if a day”
And oh the fun that they would poke
And tell him ‘you so ugly’ jokes
Like ‘you so ugly it’s a sin
You like The Donald’s ugly twin
When you born to your mom’s chagrin
The doc tried shoving you back in

The turtle walked off feeling bad
Until he saw a hermit crab
Who summoned him with a low murmur
From a dark foreboding corner
“Psst,hey turtle over here”
The turtle did proceed in fear

“You know you would look really swell
If you got you a bitchin shell
It’s like dumb luck you came my way
Because today’s your lucky day
We got each kind under the sun
Today we got em two for one

Now I don’t deal with knock off brands
I’m more a calcium carbonate man
But for you I would say win win
To maybe go with keratin
I’ll give you two for 50 bucks
Let’s say that they fell off a truck”

And so the turtle he agreed
Mostly from despairing need
The crab said “Kay man see you later-
Wait do you got rolling paper?”
Walked away with five crisp tens
And never was heard from again

The turtle was a happy bloke
Till pretty soon when both shells broke
He should have known the crab’s deceit
He never gave him a receipt
But no fear, in the next few days he
Bought a better one at Macy’s.