Thou shalt not try to check out on
The line that says express
Unless thy cart truly does have
15 items or less
Thou shalt treat fellow shoppers with
A kindness and compassion
And put your items on the belt
In a most timely fashion
And similarly if you are
Behind me in the line
Thou shalt not put your items up
‘Til I’m done putting mine
Thou shalt not stand in front of me
Thinking you’re pretty smart
And have Aunt Gladys come last minute
With a filled up cart
Thou shalt fill out checks in advance
And not attempt to rile
Shoppers by leaving unattended
Carts amid the aisles
So follow these commandments and
I guarantee you this
A spot in grocery heaven and
Eternal shopper’s bliss
If these commandments you do break
One thing to know for sure
Thou shalt not kill’s revoked for those
Scorned at the grocery store
Inspired by my friend Rob at V-Pub and his post The Big Freakin’ Bag.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
That should be printed and hung on ever entrance and check out… lol!
Thank you…and if I may say so myself, that is not a bad idea!
No… absolutely not!!! And there is something else… Though shalt not start searching for coins in your wallet for having the correct amount in cash during the busiest times…
It is funny, while your post showed up I was talking on the phone with my mom. She is joining an English class. Guess what she asked me: What is the translation for grocery… lol!
That would surely be an important one. Must be some sort of psychic connection!
Haha… yes, must be. It was really funny 😊
I break the behind-in-line commandment when holding a toddler in one hand and a heavy item in the other, but do try staying off the belt in the interim!
Oh no, now you see, that is probably the fault of whoever is in front of you. If they see you in that situation, they need to get their items up ASAP or at least put one of those dividers up and shove their items in so you can be unburdened!!
Very good stuff Marissa…you could maybe do similar for the checkout girl also…’Have a nice day’ always makes me ponder a murder!
I have been a cashier and could definitely go on about customer rudeness from a cashier’s point of view. My pet peeve was when customer’s spread cash, or worse yet change, all over the counter and left me to pick it up. And these were the days before it was so popular to pay with a card, mind you!
Not that long ago I purchased a pack of Mentis and a newspaper in a supermarket. The checkout gal asked if I wanted any help packing. She looked a tad taken aback when I told her that those were the last words my first wife said to me!
I wonder why. Isn’t that normal grocery aisle conversation?
It is with me!
Thanks for the shout-out, Marissa! I love your ‘commandments’. In full disclosure, I have to confess that I am one of those shoppers who counts what others have while in the express lane. A shoppers pet peeve. 😀
Hey, that is not your fault, that is theirs. They shouldn’t have too many items on those lanes. If they are one or two items over, no big deal but the ones who come on with full orders…the nerve! And a lot of times the cashier won’t say anything! There’s one place I go where the customers do that constantly and i asked the cashier about it and she said that when she tries to ask them to leave the line, they’re so rude that she’d just rather ring them up and not say anything!
Aside from counting the number of items they have, I also take into account the efficiency of the cashier. Some of the cashiers are just too slow for my liking and worse, others would just gossip around with their coworkers or customers while working which affect their speed most of the time.
You take a very scientific method to it and it all makes absolute sense. I do notice that sometimes the express counter can be the slowest because there are more transactions.
People like it when they see the word “express”, especially here in Hong Kong where people wanna do everything quickly.
Yes, I bet with such a crowded city.
Aunt Gladys and the sneak in…that’s really gets me.
Oh yeah, like you’re next and the person in front of you has one item…until Aunt Gladys shows up with a full cart. I could have got on another line if I had known…
Love this one.
Thanks Craig!
How I wish many would follow. Though I almost tend to break first commandment 😉
oooh, that’s a bad one!! Have you ever been asked to leave the line?
No. I only go to it when I’m the first in line or the second!!!
Oh yeah, like if there’s no one on the line or it’s thinning out it’s okay.
Thank you! 🙂
Thou hath hit the nail on its head
Thanketh you!
Guaranteed to see at two or three of these shoppers per visit…
Oh , I know, really! It’s so aggravating!
Yes it is… I get tired of staring at magazine covers waiting for the misguided shopper in front of me..
Oooooh…that’s another one. Shoppers in front of you that open up the magazines and start reading them in line without buying them. Not only is it stealing but they often get lost in what they are reading and end up being one of those putting their stuff up on the belt at the last minute!
Yes this is very irritating! Just think if they had a “if you read it, you have to buy it” policy..
They should!
Yes!
oh, oh, oh … can I add more?!!!
The person who chats on the phone the entire time they are in the checkout line, requiring the cashier to request payment more than once … THEN they start looking for their wallet.
…. or the person who crowds my personal space when I’m paying. IF you’re going to be that close to me, it better be because you are whipping out your card to pay on my behalf!
Oh yeah, those are both good ones. I might need to add a couple of verses!!
Love this. I also really like your tagline on your blog.
Thank you kindly!
You’re welcome. I’m taking this with me to Publix. Haha
If only everyone would follow these commandments! I will think of your poem when I go my shopping this afternoon and try to be good. I found you blog via the sisterhood award. Although I don’t do awards now I have enjoyed exploring the blogs of other nominees. Yours has been a pleasure! All the best to you in 2016!
Thank you so much! I certainly hope that everyone in the store follows these ‘commandments’ as well, hence a pleasant shopping experience for all!
Don’t ever come food shopping in Denmark. They crawl up your ass in line so far that once I turned around and asked someone if it was good for them too. 😉
Oh, that’s great. I’m sure they were suitably embarrassed.
Nah, they’re Danish!
Enhanced penalties for bad check writing behavior to be added to those shopping with WIC coupons who don’t separate the items into WIC and Non-WIC sligible.
Oh gosh, I used to do WIC when the kids were young. Always tried to be as organized as possible with it but it’s still a long transaction.
Outed at Vons
All lines sucketh verily.
Tis true. Great video, very funny…get out of the line…
He has a more polished bit in a later show. Go to the 3:00 minute mark in segment 7 and keep watching until in segment 8. Funny as hell.
I’m at work and my computer just died. The one I’m on has no sound…bummer! Hopefully will remember to watch this when I’m at home.
He has a more polished bit about lines in a later show. Go to the 3:00 minute mark in segment 7 and keep watching until 4:45 in segment 8. Funny as hell.
Judging from the amount of comments here, Marissa, I’d say you really struck a nerve with this one…I agree with Erika that this really does need to be displayed above all check out lines.
Thank you!
People violating the over 20 items is truly one of my pet peeves. I never do that, and I just can’t believe the gall of these folks! I give them a mean look here and there, that’ll show them, ha ha!
I sometimes open my mouth. I once complained to the cashier, not trying to make it out to be her fault but just saying because at this particular store it happens all the time. She said people are so mean when she tries to tell them to go on other lines, she’s just given up!
Yeah I know, the cashiers always tell me they aren’t allowed to say anything to people. I think it’s the old “the customer is always right” business.
Yeah, well not when it comes to inconveniencing other customers!
Exactly 🙂
I agree with Erika 100%. As funny as this is, it should be hung everywhere. Another example is people waiting for the bus here in NYC and one person muscles their way in front to be the first on board, then they start rifling through the purse for their change holding everyone up. Nicely done Marissa
Oh yes, that’s one thing about NY! And also at the turnstiles…have your token ready or prepared to be trampled!
Yup. Well, now it’s the Metrocard that you have to swipe ten thousand times.
Loved this…as did everyone else!
“Thou shalt not put your items up
‘Til I’m done putting mine”
Preach! 🙂
I’ll tell ’em sistah!
Hehe – I think more people need to find out about these ‘rules’ of the grocery store. Then more people wouldn’t mind going shopping! (personally I don’t like grocery shopping and people with too many items in the express lineup in front of me is a major bummer!)
It’s a chore and I don’t think many people really like it. Definitely made more unpleasant by rude people!
In my experience, the “express” counter is the slowest most of the time.
Also, I always find that when there are many people, some counters are closed but when it’s not busy, all counters are opened…
I suppose that this is the Murphy’s law in action in the grocery store setting 🙂
Are going to have them posted at each entrance
Of course!
Ah…supermarket shopping. Seems it’s just the same all over the world….!
Too bad…
I laughed all the way through and yes, have experienced those arrogant shoppers and their selfish attitudes. Great idea to put your poem up at the supermarket – but will it make a difference? Me thinks not!!
Happy New Year Marissa! 🎆🎉🍾
Probably not! Glad you enjoyed.
Every single store in the world should post this!!!! And you could become independently wealthy. Or hired by the stores and go around finding offenders. Life could be so much better….for all of us…..if only this would happen.
Independently wealthy…hmmm…you think. Maybe I should start going door to door…
YES!
Brilliant, especially the line about the express line. I am also very honest when it comes to obeying its item limits. Lately I have been doing the self-check out, give me a feeling of being a supermarket worker for longer than normal, as it takes me so long to swipe the things.
The self check out is okay. It’s kind of fun to use but I also feel like it’s best if you only have a few items. I don’t know what the set up is like over there but here you have to pile everything beside the scanner and if you try to take something out and put it in the cart to make more room, it starts yelling at you and refusing to work and then if you try to get help the woman looks at you like you were trying to steal something and they you explain to her that you weren’t trying to steal and that makes you look even worse….and…and…oh, has anyone seen my valium?
Yeah, it is just as chaotic – space wise- that is, also time wise. It also stuffs up a lot, like you said, and gives you the feeling of being an item stealer for a solid segment of time. The shops, my gosh, one of my favourite places
Brava Marissa. It’s not like it is a new experience. Get the stuff out of the cart,get your bags out before the bagger needs them, and have that payment ready! And let the clerk do the job,stop the chit chat, if you are friends call her after work. Some of us have things to do. Like pee.
Really. I pretty much have it down to a science by now. And really, who wants to spend extra time at the grocery store anyway??
Marissa, I went to my daughter’s house (she nribed me with stuffed shells with a realky tasty mest sauce), after the dentist’s office, after work yesterday.
There are my list of excuses for missing this funny and satirical poem!! 🙂
You have some great additions, you could have an Addendum to the “Grocery Shopper’s Bible!” 😉
Oh, no worries Robin! I know you’re a pretty loyal reader and better late than never.
Yes, from the comments I could definitely add a few verses!
The Grocery Store Commandments. You should offer this idea to all the stores Marissa
A money making prospect indeed!
Ahh, so eloquent, so daring… so true.
Yes, real life is always good inspiration.
Especially those things that irritate us.
You are singing the song of my people!
Ha! Child, you are not alone!
You made me smile 🙂
The best I could do!
I like that, Marissa!!
That should be printed near every cash register in all the supermarkets! 🙂
Thanks! I’m working on that one!
🙂
LOVED! And have you seen this? http://www.scarymommy.com/the-10-commandments-of-the-grocery-store/
Also how about:
Thou shalt not pass coupons you know are expired,
I’ve done this and actually got a cashier fired.
I’m not sure if I read that one but I’m running short on time right now. I’ll have to get back to it.
Love the rhyme Stephanie. I passed expired coupons before, I think mostly be accident, like I notice as I’m handing it over and just figure, what the hey?? Gosh, I hope it never lead to such dire repercussions!