…And So This Is New Year’s…

The luck that must have shined on me
I could hardly believe
To be invited to a party
On this New Year’s Eve

Libations flowed, the music rocked
A cute guy next to me
But I could put it off no more
I really had to pee

It was not long I found myself
With those of a like mind
For I stood at the end of what
Seemed to be quite a line

Which may have spanned for acres or
Perhaps for city blocks
As looks went to the destined door
Now ominously locked

And I could tell there was no sense
Even remotely hoping
That in a timely fashion we
Would see the damn thing open

Because for sure behind that door
Drugs flowed through open veins
Sex or vomiting or death
And mountains of cocaine

Or seats that over flowed with waste
All stuffed up with debris
It seemed I had no choice but find
Another place to pee

The bushes were a last resort
But as I looked around
I saw an unsuspecting door
With stairs there leading down

A basement rec room so pristine
A light among the bleakness
A bathroom there that beckoned like
A New Year’s best kept secret

My bladder emptied I was ready
Washed, sorted and flushed
But when I tried to leave I found
The door just wouldn’t budge

I banged I screamed the door mocked me
Solid as a boulder
The question should I break it down
And risk breaking my shoulder

Or curse myself for foolishness
Be damned all circumspection
Or Verizon for a phone which now
Was reading no reception

Desperate to keep the buzz alive
My mind was clearly set
To swallow all I found in the
Medicine cabinet

But after scouring a bit
It seemed all I could find
Was an aspirin and some laxatives
From 1999

I look into the mirror at
My sequin’s hollow glow
Talk ’bout being all dressed up
With no place to go

The Jimmy Choos and draping back
More suited to a club
Had someone only warned me I’d
Be sleeping in a tub

I cursed impatience, curio
As well as a small bladder
Well talk about another year
That went straight down the crapper

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74 thoughts on “…And So This Is New Year’s…

  1. LOL Again another unique write from Ms. Marissa. Talk about the bladder issue … Every time, and I mean every time, no matter if I use our bathroom as the very last thing I do, when I go for a walk, I have to pee. There are NO bathrooms open so I must pee in bushes and when the park is busy it is risky business to be caught with my pants down. Hehehehehehe Honestly! This is what happens as we age, I cannot hold my water when I walk in the woods? Darn! The other day that park was so busy I took a chance looking frantically in all directions and after I finished my business, I kept saying THANK YOU, ANGELS, for making sure no one was coming. How embarrassing to be caught peeing in the bushes. Tee hee …… ❤ (true story)

    • Oh Amy…you are a delight! Yes, I can imagine that being an issue if you are in the wilderness (so to speak) quite often. That’s probably why God gave us so many plants in those areas…ha, ha!

      • Hubby has NO clue how lucky he is to be a guy. I on the other hand have to well, you know, pull down pants, ALL of them … including undies I have three layers! I look at the women who are older then I and wonder gee, did you too squat in the woods? It’s terrible and it’s a dilemma. The thought …. hmmmm …. do I dare? …. Depends came through my mind on more then one occassion and was shocked I would even THINK that. Me? NO NO NO NO NO! I will be as a bear in the woods …. squat. I don’t know what it is about walking in these woods that I get that urge. When I walked in the park behind us I wasn’t like that. Huh. Go figure. Hehehehehehehe I actually took a shot of the place I had the urge …. tee hee …. to remember those times by. LOL Honest! Only me, right? ❤

      • Well, you certainly are unique, ha, ha! No totally get it about being envious of men on these occasions. I guess it’s have TP will travel!! Just have to make sure you have good aim!

  2. A woman’s gotta go when a woman’s gotta go! Brought to mind the scene from the old Peter Sellers movie – The Party – where he plays an Indian guy desperately trying to find a loo to take a leak in. Check it out sometime, it’s funny! As indeed are you!

  3. Marissa, you all glanced up and stuck alone without beverages in the john. Oh, horrors! You got the whole party scene down well, the line for the bathroom, too. I enjoyed the way you described this, almost could hear, John Lennon’s, “So, This is Christmas,” but replaced by your clever lyrics instead. Have a happy one, to you and your family!

    • (Glanced equals glammed. Darn it! ) You were obviously glammed up in such beautiful attire, Jimmy Choo and all. 🙂 Too bad about the door, what a pain in the keester.

      • Thank you Robin! Yes, I was actually tempted to make the whole thing all about the bathroom line and the horrors that may have been waiting within but thought better of it. This just seemed more of a story. Perhaps something to revisit….

      • No, Marissa! I like your moving away from the line to explore the other opportunities for toilet usage. This was much more creative and bizarre. The way we like your thought processes.

  4. That’s everybody’s nightmare. I remember being desperate once on holiday in a remote area of Ethiopia. An empty landscape it seemed so I sought out a nearby bush. Right on cue dozens of kids came running towards me. I have no idea where they came from but I didn’t care. Nature called. No Verizon there either.

  5. Yet another reason to just stay home on NYE. Now, if we can only get this message out to the 1,000 who will be attending the NYE party I have to work! I think a PSA is in order.

  6. Sooooo does this mean you’ve written this from while being in the tub? 😀 Are you still stuck there? Do we need to call someone to let you out? (Just asking the necessary questions)
    Your sincere and seriously concerned friend. 😀

    • You know, I did think of ending on a different note, like a couple comes down there to have sex and…well, you can imagine all the embarrassing scenarios….but the poem was getting a bit long so I guess we’ll just leave her stuck there!

  7. I just dropped by to wish you a Happy and a Healthy New Year
    Can’t say I’ve ever been locked in a bathroom
    But I was locked in a closet once
    I went nuts till someone came and got me out
    As always Sheldon

  8. Bloody snorters! Hope you have a wonderful new years eve whatever it is you do, and have a good next day depending on what it is you do!

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