You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
You know Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you know of the rise and fall
Of the most famous reindeer of all?
Well early on I guess you know
He had it pretty bad
Bullied all through childhood
Rejected by his dad
Santa tried to help him on
That night so over cast
But Rudolf was already down
A no good wayward path
Now suddenly surrounded by
The friends he met through fame
Who plied him well with alcohol
And mountains of cocaine
And as his star was rising and
His videos gone viral
So began the process of a
Sure and downward spiral
Sometimes he’d answer drunkenly
To Santa’s Christmas call
Sometimes he’d show up hungover
And sometimes not at all
But Santa finally had to show
Rudolf the exit sign
When he ran over grandma back
In 1979
A fake nose on a younger deer
New fangled and shined brighter
Told all that it was Rudolf and
Most folks were none the wiser
Meanwhile things for Rudolf looked
Like they were really bad
He did a stint on Dr. Drew’s
Celebrity Rehab
Tried working at Christmas displays
Pulling sleds on teams
But he was always shown the door
Unable to keep clean
And so alone he turned to frozen
Tundras for survival
Until he willingly succumbed
To a huntsman’s rifle
Who later brought him home unto
His family to eat
But his wife saw a strange red light
Glowing in the meat
It’s probably a good thing that
The family did refrain
Toxicology reports found deadly
Levels of cocaine
And so poor Rudolf went down in
Abject obscurity
Children feel free to sing along
It’s in the key of G.
This is the curse of so many the child celebrities…. LOL
I know, really! I’ve been watching too many VH1 Behind the Music’s and Where Are They Now’s.
That’s true! You have a big insight on that. Today they play “Home Alone”. I often think what happened to that poor child. But I think he made it, right?
OMG Erika! Did you see this?
I am on my phone right now… I will check it when I am back on my laptop. You made me courious!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 No, I never saw this before!😂😂😂😂😂 I will never ever look at “Keving” the same way…..that is awesome…. you definitely mad my day, evening, night, Christmas Eve…. 😂😂😂😂😂
I only hope so. For many, the images of the movie and McCauley’s character in it, are shattered..although McCauley did a lot to help that along!
That short movie has so much irony and sarcasm. I mean… can we really take the Home Alone movies serious?😆😉
I should hope not!
Today I asked my daughter if she knew about that short movie and she said yes. She also said that it is so funny showing the grown up Kevin with all his traumas from that past.
Yes, I know that little short has been going around a bit. Things haven’t been easy for McCauley Caulkin, that’s for sure.
As we said, these child celebrities. Look at MJ or many others who did not really have “normal” childhood.
HAHAHAHAHA, Marissaa the video you shared. Ijust had to see it… OMG ! Absolutely hilarious !! I’m laughing my ass off ! I heard he’s a DJ or something now… 😛
How the mighty have fallen…
Ahhh, Rudolf – The Untold Story. I wonder if he made it onto the Jerry Springer show prior to his demise. 😀
Yes, Jerry Springer was one I missed. He probably fathered a few babies. He could be on one of the Baby Daddy episodes.
Next year in Sept, release a book of holiday poems gone wild! This one in particular will get GLOWING reviews. Hysterical!
Thanks Stephanie! I don’t know if you saw but someone chimed in on our blogversation about submitting published work to Kveller. Might work. It may be too late to submit the holiday stuff but the brain is always working…
So now I know exactly which reindeer it was who left ‘messed’ upon my hearth side carpet last Christmas Eve…the swine! Thanks for the heads up on that one young Marissa
Could it have been any other? You know, he had been dismissed by Santa by then but I hear that sometimes on Christmas Eve he would get so messed up he convinced himself he was still part of the team and leave all sorts of unpleasant reminders of himself.
Too much roughage in his diet I reckon…curry and strong ale do not sit comfortably!
That was probably it!
So do reindeer actually fly or was that just rudolph on a high? Haha.
Yes, well, the sad thing is Rudolf actually always was flying a bit when you think about it.
I blame the elfs- they were enablers.
Santa’s little enablers 😁
I always thought they were kind of shifty.
So tell me if I am wrong on this one. This was Justin Bieber in a former life?
It’s entirely possible.
I bet he regrets being the most famous reindeer of all — it really messes with the mind.
Yes, it seems the destiny of all the young celebrities.
{sniff} Such a sad and tragic tale {sniff}
… no, no, I’m not crying … {sniff} … I have something in my eye {honk – blowing nose loudly}
Sorry to bring you down right before the holidays…
It’s ok … I had to hear it somewhere. It’s not like we were REALLY good friends or anything. More like casual acquaintances … back in my {sniff} … wilder days.
Yes, well when I was doing the documentary, your name did come up a couple of times. I wasn’t going to say anything…
I appreciate your discretion.
Rudolph is a sad story. My conservative side says he needs to pull humself by his bootstraps. My progressive side says we need to design a government program for him. the Donald says either way Rudolph is ugly.
Sadly, it’s too late for Rudolf. I think the final straw was after he heard what The Donald had to say about him.
A tragic death for a tragic hero like poor Rudolph. Bullied as a kid from people refusing to join him in reindeer games. then a gruesome end between the cranberry sauce and egg nog.
Pretty much sums up his entire pitiful existence…
lol Someone should have shot him while he was young to put him out of his misery. BTW Your peom well done. Need to introduce your humor to the world.
Yes, probably would have spared a lot of pain. Thank you kindly!
Ruldolph, like a child star with a bad ending….there’s a lesson here kids, don’t do substances, hopefully those who need to will take heed before it’s too late 🙂
Right, at least he can serve as an example…The Rudolf Home for Wayward Kids?
Hanging out to much on misfit island… singing now and I’m way off key..
Yes, those misfits are bad news!
Totally! Have a wonderful Christmas, Marissa and some good laughs!
Same to you!
Wow…..I never knew……
I know…shocker. You were probably one of those fooled by the ‘Fake Rudolf’ they got to replace him. Drama at the North Pole!
I was so snowed…..
Such a great farce, Marissa. I always wondered what he had “done” to get such a red nose. You sure have a warped mind which we all benefit from. Glad you feel Christmas can be irresistible but we are fine with you just the way you are! 🙂
Well, true story here, when Rudolf was first created he was almost banned because a red nose was a sign of alcoholism. Guess I just embellished a bit.
Embellishments are your forte. I love being able to know the “back story,” Marissa. Glad to get the scoop but not the spoon (of coke) nor the poop.
That McCauley Culkin video is a real trip.
You have the most fun commenters around. 😀
I appreciate your interest Robin! Yes, that McCauley video was quite something. I think a mix of fictional and autobiographical!
Ohhh…Macauley Culkin. Your parents should have seen this coming when they named you Macauley Culkin. Good luck to Apple and North West. You should go ahead and put Dr. Drew on speed dial.
For sure! It never ends well for these child celebrities!
Brilliant!! Love the idea that Rudolph’s nose woes are related to his habitual drug use. Now I’m wondering if that’s how Santa manages to stay up all night delivering those gifts of his…
Santa did refuse to be interviewed for this documentary….
Hope you and yours have a lovely Christmas and thank you for all the laughs this year. I always love your Blog 🙂
What a great season’s greetings message from you Peter. The same to you!
Okay, I am adopting you. You are now my twisted daughter. I love you dearly. Merry Christmas to all and all the Jews too.
Oh you’re too sweet. Love and Merry Christmas to you too!
Very funny Marissa!! Some can’t stand fame! 🙂
handle!
Yes, apparently a big break down for Rudolf!