Hipster Santa

Make sure to keep the doorway clear
When he comes in the room
He ain’t comin down the chimney
Cause the risk of toxic fumes

And if your fireplace burns wood
Then no gifts will he leave
He’s all about the rainforest and
You know, save the trees

And he would never leave you coal
Cause that would just be cruel
Unethical indeed to waste
Our precious fossil fuels

But if you’re on the naughty list
Then while you are asleep
He may just fill your stocking with
A big old compost heap

His sleigh runs on electric now
Reindeer resolved of duties
He let them go last year he said
Something ’bout animal cruelty

He didn’t leave them unemployed
Of that you can be sure
He sent them off to Africa
To work in the Peace Corps

His look is pretty much the same
All red and white and kempt
But his suit is not so soft you see
Now it is made of hemp

And atop his head he wears
A bun of snowy white
It seems he’s lost like 20 pounds
He’s given up the pipe

His menu may have slightly changed
So make sure that you see
That you set out some soy milk and
The cookies’ gluten free

Recycled totes that now replace
His old fashioned toy sack
I gotta say I kind of wish
We had the old one back

Cause something’s rubbing me all wrong
When he drives out of sight
Wishing a Merry Christmas to all
And an eco friendly night


73 thoughts on “Hipster Santa

    • Yeah, when you think about it, the whole idea of Christmas was created way before there was all this green thinking. I’m sure Santa would find himself on the naughty list where that was concerned.

  1. Marissa, the only thing I gotta say, the Hipster Santa may be so hip he may jog, use gym equipment and be thinner than the one pictured. He joins the Reindeer while eating their “greens.” I may be wrong. . .

    • In researching this, I found there were about 3 Santas who consider themselves Hipster Santas for various reasons. The other two are really thin. One is actually an older male model who grew a long white beard and the other is a younger guy with a beard who likes to parade around in red long johns. I guess you might be able to see why I chose that image (although the male model one is pretty hot!!) Hey, Witlessdatingatfifty…google Paul Mason.

  2. A politically correct eco conscious Santa! Ha ha, I guess it had to happen sooner or later. He may have adjusted pretty well, but possibly that hemp is way too itchy and he is in for a long night 🙂 Happy holidays, Marissa!

  3. I was going to say, oh this sounds like a ‘hipster santa’ and then went back to view the words in which you clearly stated the title to be ‘Hipster Santa’. Such a hipster santa, though. He must be a true artist, keeping up with current trends & worldly change. My niece and nephew (little hippies) left almond milk & gluten free nut balls (bliss balls we call them here).

    A wonderful poem!

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