Christmas Wrap

I’m the Queen of Queens the Brooklyn Babe
From New York to Seattle
I’ll take the crown I’ll take you down
In any old rap battle

And when fools see me comin’ well
They best be takin’ heed
Nickel and dimin’ for the rhymin’
I’m like Shakespeare on speed

There’s a kind of rappin’s got me down
It’s like a cold ass diss
That’s the kind of wrappin that is happ’nin
With those Christmas gifts

I’m foschizzle with the scissors
I’m a master with the tape
But it ain’t my fault the Barbie box
Has such a weird ass shape

One time I wrapped a Christmas gift
That was made for my mom
The FBI was at my house
They thought it was a bomb

I come to Christmas parties and
My gifts I don’t dare label
I be bookin’ when they’re not lookin’
And I shove em neath the table

And beneath your tree you’ll clearly see
My Christmas aberration
Like a little lad with really bad
Hand eye coordination

I don’t care the paper’s cut up so
It’s too big or too small
The wrap is crap they’re lucky that
They got a gift at all


96 thoughts on “Christmas Wrap

      • Young Marissa charged with the task of wrapping presents I wish she herself would wrap (which of course would ruin the surprise) is torment to a man like me with 10 thumbs…I’ll shall have to remember to take a snap of my appalling parcel wrapping and set FB alive.

      • I once came quite close to doing that myself. I can’t remember what stopped me…probably shame…although now that I think about it, I believe it was that the camera did not do justice to how awfully the thing was actually wrapped.

      • When Shirley contracted Chicken Pox a few years back she was a sight to behold, unbelievable to look at. She insisted I took pics that didn’t do her justice so I know what you mean…she was so very ill at the time I thought she might snuff it!

  1. Hehehehehe I warned my Mom already that I did not have time to wrap properly and I also recycled with newspaper. LOL Very cool take on gift wrapping …. too funny!!! Your words and the way you put them together AMAZE me. From the Booges Queen. Tee hee ….. โค

  2. Marissa, I would blame the darn wrapping paper which rips when stretched and weirdly shaped gifts, for sure. Since you have the “moves” for using scissors and the master of tape. I could almost imagine the Prince of Bel Aire tune but much cooler sound. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. My husband and I were dying laughing over this. Especially the “it’s not my fault the Barbie box has such a weird ass shape.” Oh, man. Kids presents always come in the weirdest packages. Even our nieces&nephews point out our lack of wrapping skills. We’re just terrible. Your poem/rap goes along perfectly. Loved it

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