The Day After

When Shirley from accounting shows up
Looking quite a wreck
A scarf that covers telltale hickeys
Up and down her neck

And Peter from the mailroom runs off
Without saying hi
And you see that he barely can
Look Shirley in the eye

And workers check their emails and
Without missing a beat
Come to the one that Jackson sent
And quickly hit delete

The humor lost in the fluorescent
Cold reality
A faxed and emailed image no one
Really needs to see

When Kevin sniffles as he packs
His personal effects
Desperate to muster dignity
As he clears out his desk

When Connie from HR looks green
But says she’s doing fine
She runs to vomit in the restroom
For the seventh time

The boss comes from his office with
A look to scare the dead
His hands upon his hips and he
Just slowly shakes his head

And without a word he turns
Around and walks away
But I guess his black eye is saying
All he needs to say

When gazes dare not leave the ground
And vibes are most peculiar
Silence or awkward conversation
Round the water cooler

And it looks as if this week will be
Exceptionally gnarly
It must be the first Monday back
After the holiday party


100 thoughts on “The Day After

    • Yes, well I thought describing how everything went the day after would be a fun twist. I went to my husband’s holiday party last year and one of the guys and his wife showed up so drunk they were asked to leave. It was the talk of the company for the entire year.

  1. You’ve nailed it! I try not to attend company parties, because the following Monday is NEVER good. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Fortunately my company doesn’t have a holiday party but my husband’s does. We have been trying to find a way out of it for the past two weeks but my husband was warned that the boss doesn’t look kindly on those who refuse his hospitality.

  2. What a cracking word is ‘gnarly’…moreover your musings upon the office Christmas party are spot on from my experience of such things, Yours Edward Gropinghands (father of 12, only 2 in wedlock), Feltham, Middlesex, England

      • We have ‘gnarly’ waves here! You got me fascinated as to its origins ‘Middle English’ my search revealed and derived from the word ‘gnarled’. The earliest usage I can find is from Shakespeare in 1603, ‘Thy sharpe and sulpherous bolt Splits the un-wedgable and gnarled Oke. [“Measure for Measure,” II.ii.116]. I never knew that! You see, even on the day before the weekend you strive to educate us all young Marissa.

      • Well, it was certainly your curiosity that lead to the education but I’ll take what I can get. Yes, gnarly alway pertained to trees or hands but then it became a kind of modern slang which could mean very good or very bad. Not sure when or how that happened but I would imagine it would be when everyone was doing that Valley Girl speak in the 80s.

      • Further research reveals that both Australian and Californian surfers lay claim to the modern use of the word ‘gnarly’. Phew, I’ll let the two of you fight it out…do you know which of the two of you started surfing first? I know nothing about surfing yet guess the first nation that surfed possibly has the better claim?

      • I tried young Marissa…in a private indoor pool in a place we rented in France…George did his level best yet I failed abysmally. Possibly a phobia, certainly a fear.

  3. Mortons! Wow. Very high end indeed. The one in Singapore is excellent – in the Mandarin Oriental hotel. Being teetotal has its advantages he says smugly, even if it’s not through choice.

  4. hahahaha! I’ve been witness to a few parties and retreats where someone didn’t survive afterwards. They were quickly exited from the company. Moral of the story … drink with extreme caution!!

    I might be the only person in the world who misses the annual Christmas party ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • We’re usually seated at the manager’s table and there’s only one couple there who is nice but we don’t have that much in common so conversation wears thin after a bit. I may have actually found our excuse out of there though. I told my husband about it and he said he was going to tell them that was the reason we couldn’t go so I think we’re good…just waiting on confirmation.

  5. What a coincidence! Our staff party was last night. I was saved from embarrassing myself because I went to the hospital but at least one of my coworkers couldn’t drive home!

  6. We always have one every year! Of the sixteen years, maybe 2-3 I’ve missed. My excuse? No train running that late. Then it moved to lunch. No more excuses. Then last year, I was asked to give a speech! Good thing we were all drunk! And no one got it on record. Whew!

  7. I just catered a holiday party that cost $90,000! A girl fell down the stairs (marble stairs) and ran out crying. I’m pretty sure she would’ve have been happier with a heftier bonus in lieu of the open bar and loss of her dignity. That money’s spent, and most won’t even remember the event.

    • Oh yeah, my husband’s company has a big party at Morton’s Steakhouse (very upscale, not sure if you’ve heard of it) with full open bar, the works. Must cost him a fortune. In the meantime, well let’s just say that if you saw my husband’s paycheck, it would probably surprise you that his boss could afford such a thing. I’m with you…forget the party, bring on the raises.

  8. Hi. It’s me Tom Balistreri.
    Forgive me for posting this in your comments.
    I wanted to let you know that I still read, follow and enjoy your posts.
    I deleted my old blog (originally called “Balderdash To Epiphany” and then simply “Tom Balistreri’.)
    My reason was because I had changed direction in my writing and although I had almost 2000 followers I realized they signed up when I was writing humor.
    I wanted to have a more focused blog without my old posts (no matter if it was liked it or not.)
    So now I’m writing under the title “Lantern Words”
    If this stuff is not you cup of tea, that’s ok I understand.
    But if you’re interested, that’s were I hang my hat now.
    Take care,

    • Hmmm…I suppose that’s an interesting philosophy. My (I don’t know what to call him) step-father-in-law??? used to get drunk all the time and just do the most horrendous things and then spent the next few days apologizing only to do it again. He probably should have moved there.

  9. Oh how too well I remember those days!!! Hehehehehe Loved the part about the hickeys which um brought memories back. I mean who was kidding whom? LOL Vastly enjoyed this, Marissa. Your words again leave me with a huge smile on my face!! Thank you! โค

  10. I’ve always wondered about office life. Thanking you kindly for giving me a sneak peak. It seems wonderfully uplifted in the most downfall kind of way?

  11. This line is amazing – The humor lost in the fluorescent
    Cold reality
    Never stop producing these wonders! Also, you’re probably one of the most witty people I read.

  12. This is strange. Sorry I have been missing out on some fantastic posts, Marissa. I missed the crazy antics of coworkers here while we did have a strange potluck of appetizers and pulled pork sandwiches. No booze, no dancing nor wearing a lamp shade. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    Hope you and the family had a great weekend. It has been years since I was “lit up” more than a Christmas tree! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Yes, strange food items. Ham salad on a plate with no bread. Someone put this on top of their pulled pork sandwich. I found the cookies quite dry and wished for a drink to quench my thirst and make the scene blurry.

      • If I had been invited, I’m sure I would have outdone them…in a bad way. I remember my daughter once had a potluck at her nursery school where people had to do ethnic dishes. I bought a store bought frozen apple pie and still managed to burn it heating it up.

  13. That’s so true, Marissa!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I remember seeing my boss (Belgian woman), drinking beer (a crazy amount) and asking myself how she was going to get home (or wake up next day!)

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