How The Grinchstein Stole Chanukah

Every Jew down in Jewville liked Chanukah a lot
But the Grinchstein who lived up just northward did not
Yes, Grinchstein he hated the whole Christmas season
Please don’t ask why, no one knows quite the reason

For hating eight days and also eight nights
Maybe his yamaka fit him too tight
But here was the Grinchstein majorly bumming
Because he knew soon, Chanukah was a-coming

“For 53 years I’ve endured this and now
Chanukah must be stopped, just a question of how!”
Then quicker than you can say “oh diarrhea!”
The Grinch got a wonderful awful idea

“With this tallit, and with this tzit tzit
The Jews down in Jewville won’t know me a bit
I’ll wear this fake beard this hat and this shawl
And then they will think I am old Uncle Sol

And to be consistent to this monologue
I also will take my long suffering dog”
And then he took off from the spot where he stood
And went off stop Chanukah once for good!

He descended on Jewville in houses did creep
Where all of the Jews were in bed fast asleep
The toys he threw in his bag in one fell swoop
Along with the kugel and matzah ball soup

And just as you might shout out ‘Oh kina hora”
He blew out the lights lit up on the menorah
And soon he would take off into the night sky
When he heard a small voice say “Uncle Sol, why?”

He spun ’round so quick that it threw him off center
There stood Cindy Goldstein of course, the town yenta
But he said “It’s me Sol, how dare that you doubt
My motives, you see the menorah burned out

And really I just need to heat up this brisket
Back at my cave while I go and fix it
Now go back to bed dear and worry no more”
And then that old louse, why he ran out of the door

And then home to sleep and so restful he lay
Assured that no Chanukah come the next day
But to the dismay of his cold little heart
The very next morning he awoke with a start

And to his old dog he said “What is the deal, uh
I hear the Jews out there sing Hava Nagila!”
And so out the window he sat and he stared
At happy Jews lifting each other on chairs

And wondered at his little plan’s epic fail
(Or maybe just Loehmann’s was having a sale?)
But he knew Chanukah didn’t come from a store
Because Chanukah meant a little bit more

And The Grinch’s heart it grew 3 sizes that day
He told his old mother and she said “Oy Vey
I think maybe you ought to go see a doctor”
Who advised that he cut back on fried latkes

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71 thoughts on “How The Grinchstein Stole Chanukah

  1. Christmas/Chanukah happens in the heart! It was funny, but it touched me even more how you adjusted the Grinch story to the Jewish Chanukah with all the Jewish traditions and habits and names. I don’t know, but it touched me a lot. You made so personal, so yours! I am still having gooes bumps. I love it!

  2. There is entirely to much grinchiness. Thanks for lifting my spirits, and have a Happy Chanukah, happy holiday, and Merry Christmas, and those without a holiday this time of year, just enjoy the show.

  3. Marissa, this one is a great parody and exceeds the original with its details like Loehmans, yamaca, the people up on chairs and Hava Nagila. The day and “Oy Vey” made me snort my coffee. Good thing I work in a factory where messy clothes reign.
    You outdid yourself! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it so much Robin…and that you escaped coffee stains. Well, no matter what your faith, I’ll with you a Happy Hanukkah (however you spell it) cause 8 good days are 8 good days, right?

  4. Are you sure you didn’t write the Dr. Seuss series? LOL Marissa, this is awesome!! You are so darn clever with words …. just wow, just wow, just wow!!! Your sense of humor constantly entertains and brings big belly laughs to me. Thank you, my friend, for another gift you have given to me!!! โค

  5. I love when you do little aside things, especially in this one where it fit so perfect – And to be consistent to this monologue
    I also will take my long suffering dogโ€
    Your rhythm is contagious! You’re … outrageous! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Idea with diarrhea!!!! You disgusting genius!!! And cracked up so loudly, I scared my dog over shawl and Sol. I would say submit this as well with your Santa one to Kveller even though Chanukah just ended. The two are a brilliant set!!

    • I don’t think I’ve ever been called a disgusting genius before! I would think I reached a new high although it may be a knew low…but no, coming from you I’d say a new high. Thanks for the advice. I will have to check that out.

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