The Thrill of The Chase

Sexy Sal he was my pal
And so fed his obsession
To scout around the town and find
A host of missed connections

The pregnant girl in Walmart or
The chick with the cold sore
The girl shoplifting turkey legs
At the grocery store

The waitress at the greasy spoon
Who served flies in his omelet
The woman who’s hair he held up
When she kneeled down to vomit

The girl who saw him winking and
Asked him, was he deranged
The bag lady who sits on the
Corner and asks for change

And with each one he finds a spark
Or so he does insist
And goes back home to write an ad
That he posts on Craigslist

But until only recently
Twas little that came of
His ads in missed connections and
His quest to find true love

(Though to be fair responses came
Which nearly filled that purpose
A quite trustworthy phone sex line
A close by escort service

A reputable psychic who
Tells him what’s in his stars
A needy Nigerian uncle and
A man who sells used cars)

And just when he all but gave up
On love or lust or dates
A girl answered his ad and it seemed
She was really great

They talked a bit, it looked like she
Was kind and fun and sweet
And so they thought a good idea
They should once again meet

So at Friday at 8 PM
He told her she should be
Waiting at the platform for
The uptown northbound D

All arranged quite carefully
Just so it would coincide
With the D train that came in
On the southbound side

And so there’d be an ad for her
On Craigslist the next day
Bout how they made eye contact as
He waved and rode away.


77 thoughts on “The Thrill of The Chase

  1. I always used to see those interesting ads and wondered who these people were that were so confident everyone read Craig’s list and would go “Hey, that’s me!” Also any man who holds your hair when you vomit is okay in my book. I think I will put that in my own next ad. LOVED!

    • Thank you! I know what you mean…I marveled not only about the confidence of the writers, in that they thought the person they were writing to would see the ad, but the people they were targeting. I mean, pregnant women, drunk encounters?? Makes you wonder how many people are really looking for love and how many people are attracted to the idea of a missed connection. In any case, you are right about the whole vomiting thing. Wins my heart every time!!

      • I’ll have to try to figure that one out. Now that I am in a band that is quite popular and rapidly gaining notoriety fame and fortune, I am always looking for inspiration enough to fill our double album which is scheduled to be released and go platinum as soon as we have all the songs written, recorded and picked up by a major label which should be happening any minute…(crickets)

      • Given that my book thing has not attracted as many (rather any at all) thus far should your husband have any spare groupies now that we have to bow to you then could he send some my way…only asking!

      • Right, well you know, they do line up at his door at the best of times. Funny, when you have a band with your family as the whole sex drugs and rock n’ roll thing…well 2/3 of it goes out the window. I was just thinking the other day about how many people claim they play guitar to attract the opposite sex…well, it certainly can’t be a driving force for me.

      • ‘They do line up at his door’ was all I focused on…missed the rest…surely he has some spare…you know I’ve never had a job or anything that attracted groupies…last chance saloon for me given my 110 years on the planet!

  2. I cannot believe people actually write this stuff. I mean, really? I thought this was a joke until I realized this was an actual ad. Un-freaking-believable! Loved your poem, Marissa. You are way cool!

  3. Oh my goodness, Marissa! This guy is “Fruit Loops!” Your original and creative adventures of a desperate man cracked me up, as usual hysterical!!
    I had a man on Match.Com who wondered in an email if he could “date both my daughter and me,” (I had 2 ohotos posted of myself alonr and one with youngest daughter at a big Columbus event, “Date to Remember”) while his only photograph on the sight was in his deep sea diver black, tight wetsuit. Several of my friends said, “Mmm-m!” I said, “Gag me!” 🙂 🙂

    • Yes, well the inspiration for this first came from a segment they do on my morning radio show called Freak of the Week. It sounds like you could come up with plenty of material with your online dating adventures. You and your daughter?? Come on!! Who does this guy think he is?!!

      • I wrote a lot of 2012, 100 dates in six months. A bet and I promised to do this. I met men for short walks, coffees, zoo trip but no long abd expensive meals. Easier to walk away. . . . Oh, some were quite funny like the guy I called an Ohio Mafia member, totally upsetting an Italian woman who was sick of people assuming men with guys following close behind them were mobsters. I just couldn’t resist putting my foot in mouth, Marissa. I lost her following me. 😦

      • I’m sure it’s quite an experience. I know my mother dated quite a bit and there was always an array of characters…not always for the better. An Ohio Mafia member? I didn’t know there was such a thing, heh, heh!

      • Let’s describe him, dark clothes met me at an old Italian restaurant and there was one guy at one table and two at another in the corner table the hostess placed us at. I was just thinking no one could get mad at my joking he was this. That is the reason why I said on a comment, hope the P.C. (politically correct) don’t check your blog. Ha ha hee hee.

  4. The girl shoplifting turkey legs, I’d pay to see that! Also having just brought a pair of sunglasses in the shape of an actual car, I was inspired by you to call them ‘needy Nigerian uncle’ and write it on the side of them, as a brand of sorts. I realized it would be way to racist.

    • Yes, do you suppose the turkey legs may have defrosted a bit once she put them down her pants which is certainly the obvious place to put them after shoplifting.
      At one point in my life I had a job selling sunglasses. I never had any shaped like a car but did eventually become obsessed with reading the name brand on the side…I could only imagine deciphering the Needy Nigerian Uncle brand.

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