To My Son On His Bar Mitzvah

Son today does mark the day
According to God’s plan
That a babe you are no more
You have become a man

So words of wisdom are your gift
And take it from none other
Because who would know better than
Your dear old Jewish mother

Go ahead eat pork and ham
Look at me, I’m plotzing
But never pick your nose in shul
Cause you know God is watching

And celebrate the joys in life
Like schmears and matzoh balls
And getting a good parking spot
On Sundays at the mall

(Cousin Sherry always thought
It was a mitzvah omen
If she got found an open space
Somewhere near the Loehmann’s)

And travel far and travel wide
And travel the world over
(And be sure to drop by at your
Aunt Minnie’s down in Boca)

But one word in all languages
You must know without fail
More so than bathroom, water, money
Son, that word is ‘sale’.

I know you’ll meet some ladies when
You’re traveling the world
But when you fin’lly settle down
With a nice Jewish girl

I’lll have to just accept the fact
I’m not the only one
And who could blame her if she loves
My handsome doctor son

So maybe one day you’ll stop by
Probably when you feel
Like you really need to eat
A home cooked decent meal

And when I’m sure that your won’t starve
You’ll come sit on the couch
Take off the plastic cov’ring, wipe
The schmootz off of your mouth

And then after a bit you’ll say
You should get back to her
But you know you’ll always be
My little bubbeleh.

Happy Birthday Jesse!

Here’s a video of my son performing Slayer’s South of Heaven. Something tells me the doctor thing just ain’t gonna happen.

72 thoughts on “To My Son On His Bar Mitzvah

  1. Happy Birthday Jesse! He certainly has the rock star charisma going and the guitar hero poses down to a t. I need to go and smash some guitars now. Thank you for sharing, Marissa! Old Jewish mother…too funny!

  2. Whooaaa! The vest! Yup, he’s definitely the red-vested doctor πŸ˜‰ Awwwww.. they just grow up too fast. One minute he’s in your arms rocking him to sleep. Next minute, he’s rocking the world (which by the way is very much awake!).

  3. After I replied to your comment, I came right over because I knew you’d have a wonderful birthday tribute to your kiddo. Happy Birthday to Jesse!!

    (I’ll be back later to listen to the video!)

  4. There are many different sorts of doctors, you know…..Dr. J., Dr. Who, Dr. Dre….I can definitely see a Dr. Rock or some such thing……
    As for the Jewish mother business…..I can’t quite see you in that role….I guess there are a lot of levels of that too!

  5. Happy Birthday to Jesse!! Loved all the cliches πŸ™‚ … but Torrie nailed it. There are many kinds of doctors πŸ˜‰

    I think it is hugely flattering to you as a parent that your son is emulating you in his own way πŸ™‚

    • Ha, well considering he didn’t have much say in the matter! When he was 7 a rock school opened just down the block from where we were living and we pretty much told him he had to try it. I do think that he took to it right away and by now it’s just a part of his life so I guess that’s saying something.

  6. Awwh Marissa, this was such a beautiful way to express your feelings to your son- Words are everlasting and evergreen. Happiest birthday to Jesse! Hope you guys had a great time and some Halloween fun in the mix as well ! πŸ™‚

    Much love ❀

  7. Happy #13 birthday week, month and year to Jesse! Sorry I missed the big day, Marissa (and Jesse).
    He takes after his talented and creative parents, with good looks and intelligence, too. Wishing many more happy days! πŸ™‚
    Whenever someone says they feel their child will always be their “bubbeleh” or baby, β™‘ depending on who it is, I get teary eyed. My grandmother was from Germany but said we grandkids were her little “babushka’s.” Isn’t this Russian and not sure where she picked this up, maybe in NYC?

  8. Congratulations. Hope your son grows up to become a nice Jewish rock star… PS. I didn’t know schools of rock actually existed til I read the comments, thought it was just another Jack Black movie!

  9. Happy Birthday Jesse! And music does stimulate brain activity! So that doctor thing could so happen. Or the musician thing, since he already has the chops for that. Wait, I probably should not have said chops….

  10. Oy I’ve missed so much genius here! You AND your son. This was great and the one thing that super stood out for me was the plastic on couches! OMG!!! What childhood memories. I know you don’t really have that but who in your family did?? My entire mother’s side had furniture you couldn’t sit on without crinkling noises!! Really gonna inspire a blog now, I think!!! Thank you– oh and your son– WOW!!

    • Thank you Stephanie! I’m really glad you read this one, for obvious reasons. I think my great grandparents actually had the plastic covering…possibly an aunt or two as well. All I know is I just can not forget that feeling of being stuck to the furniture!!

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