I’m looking for a monster and
I’m really in a bind
Who’d think that a good monster was
Just so hard to find
Someone who’s reliable
Someone who is true
Unlike the formerly employed
Of my motley crew
The unhygienic werewolf who
Would never wash his hair
The ghoul who never was on time
For his midnight scare
The mummy who quite frankly was
Just kind of a dick
The zombie always calling in
Saying he was sick
The witch who was on her iPhone
IM’ing with the goblin
And then there was the vampire
Who had a drinking problem
The ghost who never worked, he was
Snap chatting with his friends
The diva ogre who refused
To work on the weekends
The headless horseman who I thought
Would just be legendary
Till he took off for greener pastures
Of the cemetery
So if you are a faithful ghoul
I beg you to take heed
And listen to the details of
Exactly what we need
Someone who’s reliable and
Someone we can trust
At least 3 years of under bed
Experience a must
Someone who can eerily
From out of coffins climb
And stay inside a closet sometimes
Hours at a time
Capable of acting like
You’re totally demented
And most important you should be
Detail oriented
For tis the time when witches, warlocks
Spirits, demons rouse
And I’m awash in joys of staffing
This year’s haunted house.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
big smile!
Thank you!
Marissa, thank you for the daily laugh! You’re good medicine for the lows… 🙂
What can I say? I try.
And you succeed…. Rather well, too 😀
Oh Marissa, you’ve outdone yourself again!
May I recommend you monsters I know of – at work! Ha!
Promise, they bite!
Well, really, I imagine that most employers don’t have such different problems. All about working with people…er…um…monsters, you know.
I’m thinking there’s gotta be a monster in every office, right?
For sure.
At least one witch you will meet soon……. but hmmm……. no………. sorry, she is spoiled by modern technology and travels by airplane instead of her broom…
Fantastic, Marissa. Where are our monsters? The video is funny too…haha.
Yes, so much for the old fashioned witches who hoofed it on a broomstick…although I dare say you would be delightfully employable. Unfortunate that it won’t be in time for Halloween.
Very true, Marissa! I only take my broom stick for short distances. You don’t get any spare parts for that model anymore. So I will need to get a hoverboard soon… lol
A witch on a hoverboard…oh that’s great!!
Only if she wears her hat!!!
Is there a Craigslist for ghouls and goblins now? 😀
I’m considering making my own category.
Wonderful! Who’d have thought it would be so hard to find someone to be scary? When my youngest was in high school she and all her friends couldn’t wait to staff the haunted house.
Oh really? I heard that that is actually a very difficult job…you have to keep your energy up, your voice wears out quickly, plus people have all kinds of strange reactions like hitting you are peeing in their pants.
I guess teenagers wouldn’t get that part right off. They just liked the “scare people” part.
Apparently so.
Perfect!
Thank you!
Brilliant :)) loved this
Thank you Praveen!
you are so good at it…must confess i envy you sometime, just a little 🙂
Awwwe shucks! It’s like I say, jealousy is the sincerest form of flattery.
well, well… did it work? 🙂
Of course.
You have really topped yourself here my love. Some of your finest work!
Who is this??
Did you hear the one about a vampire with a drinking problem? Bloody Mary sorted him out! Just made that up by the way…although reading it back that’s pretty obvious. Notwithstanding yet another clever verse!
I actually think that’s rather clever. You should give yourself a pat on the back! Okay, no just lift your hand…okay I think you can make it…what’s that? you think you pulled the muscle in your shoulder? Oh goodness. Shirl!!!
Do you realize you’ve hit the nail on the head…notwithstanding the x-ray seeking out the problem that causes my foot to swell each day after I do my 12k (about 8 miles in your language) my bloody shoulder has not recovered from that fall down the flight of stairs…agony I tell you, agony…the thing is the quack just shrugged when I told him!
Well you know, I would suggest you come with one of those roundhouse punches and just nail the guy but…well…
I loved this one Marissa!! It made me laugh because sometimes I think that people just don’t want to work anymore… And now I see that the problem has extended to the after life creatures 🙂
Yes, I’m sure that this is not so far from what employers encounter in the day to day workplace.
Outstanding Marissa, and so right on…A good monster is truly hard to find. Monsters these days, geeze!
I know, really!!
Knott;s Scarry Farm may have beat you to the scream
Ya think?
Good heavens! Even in the world of monsters-for-hire they have these issues? Who knew? Marissa, you really do top yourself every day. Just your perspective is enough to make you stand out, but following up your unique perspectives with verse? Just too much!
Apparently monsters have issues too. Thank you Torrie!
Uncle Bardie, at your service. And I do not have to act demented. I am completely so.
Finally a monster I can trust!
Being totally demented is a perfect detailed way to live. Flowers smell brighter, somehow?
Absolutely! Sanity is overrated!
Oh Marissa, you never cease to amaze me with your creativity and imagination 🙂
This poem would be a great framework for a funny movie – I can picture it now! … a vampire with a drinking problem!! 😀
That was my son’s favorite line. Thank you Joanne!
I started watching Hotel Transylvania last night and thought of you 🙂
I watched that movie myself! Thank you!
Should be a lot of applicants this time of year! Wonderful, Marissa!
One would think.
There is always the haunted house soundtrack as a backup…
I applied to be a monster via Monster.com. Apparently, I took the name of the site too literally. Why would a monster need to know PowerPoint?
I have no idea. I think the sites been hacked.
I don’t think my joke landed. 🤓
Oh I loved this!!! 😀 I’d be a fail applicant too if I were to apply, I’m just as lazy ! ~Guilty looks~
Really….because I was seriously considering hiring you.
As much of a monster I might be, I don’t like enclosed places, or stringy things like webs, or ghoulish behavior. But….hey! Wait! Ellen Degeneres likes to scare people!!! Give her a call!!!! 🙂
Right, because I’m sure Ellen Degeneres needs a gig like this one!
Actually Colleen, I read a bit about what it’s like for the people who work at these places. It’s a very physically taxing job and a lot of people hit them when they get scared and even pee in their pants. Blech!
I would probably pee my pants. From screaming. And laughing. (I SO VERY MUCH enjoy the video of Ellen D’s producer going through the haunted house with another staff, from last year or 2013. Funniest video EVER!)
Oh, I didn’t see that one. Do you have the link?
Oh Marissa, enjoy! 🙂
Oh, too funny Colleen. Thanks for finding the link for me.
I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Every time.
It was pretty funny! I was watching it at work. The delivery guy was here. He probably thought I was crazy. Oh well, get in line.
If he gets in line he will be better off for it. 😉
True.
Grinning at your ability to spin a tale. Another great one, Marissa!
Thank you Amy!
I like how you explained why typical monsters may not fit the bill or work out too well. Your poem was funny, as usual! 🙂
By the time you said you needed someone to be able to stay under beds for as t least 3 years and climb out of coffins, I was lost. Didn’t expect your surprise ending. Great use of suspense, Marissa.
Well, even real monsters would have to have under bed and stay in closet experience I suppose. Anyway, glad you liked this one Robin!
I absolutely loved this Melissa. It made me smile! Great poem!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!
Sounds like a fun gig! Hours at a time in a closet might be a deal breaker though. Are there breathing breaks?
Actually, I read a bit about those haunted house workers and it sounds like anything but a fun gig…very physically demanding…you lose your voice almost instantly and people hit you as a reaction to fear and also pee in their pants. You would be surprised!!
Hmmm- I didn’t think of that. Not to mention all the screams they’d have to hear constantly- could imagine ringing ears at the end of a shift. I love the level of research you clearly do for your poetry! 🙂
All in a day’s work. Ha, ha!
your work is so relevant, love how your voice speaks to the day, refreshing!
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed.
detail oriented… /smh. That made me laugh. Unlike the video, which… I clicked play and ended 20 seconds later.
Oh, did you not like my choice of media? Honestly, whatever illustration or media I use is usually an afterthought.
I don’t do scary. 🙂
Could be valuable information.
Three years of under bed experience…Laughing so hard. Super post Marissa
Thanks Nimi! Glad you liked it.
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
…FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED A SMILE…OR A SCARY MOVIE!
HAD more fun watching the girls than being scared by the actors! Figures. 😀
Go figure indeed!!
Oh well….was that you doing the rock number in the middle of the video?
No, actually, long but kind of funny story. When I was writing the blog I was looking for videos of people going through haunted houses, just as research since I’ve never been…and I came across this one randomly. As I was watching it, I saw the rock number in it and it was actually a woman I know. I ended up using the video and completely forgot about her being in the video until you said something.
Nice try on my part….but no boney finger!
I absolutely love your Halloween series. SO GOOD!
Thank you! Yes, wanted to end with a spooky one for my son but it just didn’t work so I went for the Jewish mother thing. Can’t win ’em all!
I know a Jewish mother (good friend)…she can be just as scary as the black cat in our driveway 🙂
Oh yes, never underestimate the powers of a Jewish mother!