Monsters Wanted

I’m looking for a monster and
I’m really in a bind
Who’d think that a good monster was
Just so hard to find

Someone who’s reliable
Someone who is true
Unlike the formerly employed
Of my motley crew

The unhygienic werewolf who
Would never wash his hair
The ghoul who never was on time
For his midnight scare

The mummy who quite frankly was
Just kind of a dick
The zombie always calling in
Saying he was sick

The witch who was on her iPhone
IM’ing with the goblin
And then there was the vampire
Who had a drinking problem

The ghost who never worked, he was
Snap chatting with his friends
The diva ogre who refused
To work on the weekends

The headless horseman who I thought
Would just beย legendary
Till he took off for greener pastures
Of the cemetery

So if you are a faithful ghoul
I beg you to take heed
And listen to the details of
Exactly what we need

Someone who’s reliable and
Someone we can trust
At least 3 years of under bed
Experience a must

Someone who can eerily
From out of coffins climb
And stay inside a closet sometimes
Hours at a time

Capable of acting like
You’re totally demented
And most important you should be
Detail oriented

For tis the time when witches, warlocks
Spirits, demons rouse
And I’m awash in joys of staffing
This year’s haunted house.

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96 thoughts on “Monsters Wanted

  1. At least one witch you will meet soon……. but hmmm……. no………. sorry, she is spoiled by modern technology and travels by airplane instead of her broom…
    Fantastic, Marissa. Where are our monsters? The video is funny too…haha.

  2. Wonderful! Who’d have thought it would be so hard to find someone to be scary? When my youngest was in high school she and all her friends couldn’t wait to staff the haunted house.

  3. Did you hear the one about a vampire with a drinking problem? Bloody Mary sorted him out! Just made that up by the way…although reading it back that’s pretty obvious. Notwithstanding yet another clever verse!

    • I actually think that’s rather clever. You should give yourself a pat on the back! Okay, no just lift your hand…okay I think you can make it…what’s that? you think you pulled the muscle in your shoulder? Oh goodness. Shirl!!!

      • Do you realize you’ve hit the nail on the head…notwithstanding the x-ray seeking out the problem that causes my foot to swell each day after I do my 12k (about 8 miles in your language) my bloody shoulder has not recovered from that fall down the flight of stairs…agony I tell you, agony…the thing is the quack just shrugged when I told him!

  4. I loved this one Marissa!! It made me laugh because sometimes I think that people just don’t want to work anymore… And now I see that the problem has extended to the after life creatures ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Good heavens! Even in the world of monsters-for-hire they have these issues? Who knew? Marissa, you really do top yourself every day. Just your perspective is enough to make you stand out, but following up your unique perspectives with verse? Just too much!

  6. Oh Marissa, you never cease to amaze me with your creativity and imagination ๐Ÿ™‚
    This poem would be a great framework for a funny movie – I can picture it now! … a vampire with a drinking problem!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  7. As much of a monster I might be, I don’t like enclosed places, or stringy things like webs, or ghoulish behavior. But….hey! Wait! Ellen Degeneres likes to scare people!!! Give her a call!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I like how you explained why typical monsters may not fit the bill or work out too well. Your poem was funny, as usual! ๐Ÿ™‚
    By the time you said you needed someone to be able to stay under beds for as t least 3 years and climb out of coffins, I was lost. Didn’t expect your surprise ending. Great use of suspense, Marissa.

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