She always hated that picture
It wasn’t very good
I kept it by the bedside lamp
And that was where it stood
I told her it’s cause it was one
Our dear old dog was in
Sentimental reasons all
And much to her chagrin
But when she nagged and she called me
A stupid worthless cow
I saw revenge was mine to take
I knew not when but how
And when she asked me why it was
I never did get married
It was that picture that kept me
From getting tense and harried
I looked into the face that showed
The signs of her exhaust
The eyes were out of focus so
They seemed just a bit crossed
The way the camera angle was
So it seemed to distort
Her figure so her hips were wide
And legs were way too short
I noted roots that showed through gray
Before I went down for
The lovely ritual that was
Our nightly pedicure
Now she’s dead and gone you see
I’m blissfully alone
By complications of a toenail
Fatally ingrown
And now it seems there’s just so many
Duties to fulfill
Notifying relatives The
reading of the will
Whether it’s cremation or
Perhaps she will be buried
And a picture to submit
For her obituary
The ultimate revenge, huh? She’ll roll in her grave!
I thought it was a pretty good one.
Ahh yess (insert evil maniacal laugh)
Mwah ha ha ha ha! (Just thought I’d save you the trouble.
Although I wouldn’t really think of my mother this way – no matter how much I hate the way she makes me feel sometimes. She’s still my mom. I just hope that when her time comes, I’ll choose a picture that best depicts her!
It’s pretty funny when you think about it. People are much more critical of themselves than others are of them. You could pick a picture you think is great that she always despised and never know it.
That is true! What I’m afraid of is if I leave Earth earlier than my husband, oh dear! I am definitely dead(er)! He thinks I look good in all pictures even when I just woke up! Ughh!
Uh oh! Might want to put something in your will there…
Yes!
Wicked revenge!
Indeed!
Sweet!
‘By complications of a toenail, fatally ingrown’ – line of the year award coming your way young Marissa!
Thank you! Well, it was a terrible way to die. And, did you note, I was the one giving her pedicures?
I certainly did…just that when I got to said line I was jealous I hadn’t thought of it.
Envy…the sincerest form of flattery. I’m touched.
I of course have never been touched!
Of course not Mike.
Hear hear!
Norman says hi…. nicely dark….. !!! Never mess up with the person who does your toenails!
Ha, there you go!
I love it morbid…. 😀
That final revenge is harsh, I would certainly never diss’ anyone who did my pedicures 🙂
I know, right?
Oh bitchuerry is perhaps they way you pronounce obituary, but with us it’s pronounced quite differently. Loved it!
Yes, funny how it really is two different languages. Glad you enjoyed.
Revenge is a dish best served cold…..and with a perfectly selected photo. 😀
I often think so, and thank you. I was actually disappointed I couldn’t find a better image but nothing really comes up when you search ‘bad obituary picture’.
The thought just struck that this poem was written by your sons.
What??? Okay, first of all I have one son and one daughter so it was WAAAAAYY more likely to be written by her….except she’s 8.
Wow. THat was one bad momma to receive that kind of send off….
When I was looking for inspiration for this one I found so many nasty send offs from children to their mothers, you wouldn’t believe it. Some were really atrocious send offs or abusive mothers.
Sad that there was that much to find. 😦
Indeed!
Deliciously wicked! Hey! I receive emails from readers digest and just got a notification that they’re having a poetry contest. The grand prize is $1,000, and the winning poem will be published. The deadline is 10/30. I have no idea if there’s an entrance fee, but I thought I’d nudge you to check it out.
*Writer’s Digest*
Oh thank you! I wouldn’t mind $1000!! I’ll have to check it out.
I did go to the site and the first entry is $15, followed by $10 per each additional. It might be too rich of a risk, but I think you have a great shot.
Not too bad. I will consider it. Thanks.
No you didn’t, Marissa. 🙂 Another October winner.
Such a wicked daughter, Marissa. You must not be superstitious to say these things in a superbly written poem. Only the best words were saved for her last words. ♡ The movie, “Mommy Dearest” came to mind. Now, SHE deserved the ingrown toenail!
Oh yes, I suppose it is reminiscent. Strangely enough, I never thought of that. Thanks Robin!
Well, your poem is not about the movie, Marissa! I liked your method of murder. This was original! 🙂
The brain is always working!
By complications of a toenail. I always thought the lives of toes had such complexities, unbeknown to our really far away heads!
That is very true. Who knows what they get up to so distant from the Big Giant Head?!
Such a complicated and ugly mother-daughter relationship! Maybe I should be glad I Maybe I should be relieved I don’t have a daughter after all 😉
This reminds me of a friend of mine who occasionally threatens her mother with an open casket at her funeral but she won’t have her now very sparse eyebrows drawn in. Apparently it is a major vanity of her mom’s.
Oh, that is a good one. I’m sure all in good fun though, right? RIGHT???
I’d like to think it’s all in fun, but they’ve had a bit of a rough relationship … they are so different in personalities. In the end, I’m sure she’ll do the right thing!
Hoping so.
The ingrown toenail was a great touch. Your poems always make me laugh. Great job again!!
Thanks Syl!
LOL! Any time.
That’s a creepy and painful way to die! 🙂
Very funny!
Indeed!
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
AH YES—“FATALY INGROWN!”
Vengeful, vindictive, remorseless. Three of my favorite characteristics in woman (as long as those qualities are aimed at someone else).
Well, I don’t recommend it for a lasting relationship.
Hahaha, Always up with the best kind of revenges, our own Dear Marissa!!
I stay awake at night imaging these things…but you know, I’m fine.
Lovely Marissa
Thank you Nimi!
Wow. Mother and daughter playing Tom and Jerry.
A good analogy!