Lecter’s Litany

Life’s really been no fun at all
Since lowering my cholesterol
It seems a very paltry reason
For one like me to switch to vegan

When menacing I say “Hey mister
Watch it or I’ll eat your sister”
It just is not the same you see
When said to stalks of celery

And organ eating’s a sad joke
Reduced to hearts of artichoke
And I will miss the crispy zest
That’s only found in human flesh

Which pales so in comparison
To a peach’s tasteless skin
They say potato’s too have eyes
But I find them quite bland and dry

And miss out on the unique pleasure
Digesting all the gooey texture
Of what was staring back at me
But now I’ll do with broccoli

And sadly there’s no vegan platter
Substituting my gray matter
Nothing pleases my digestion
Like a rack of large intestine

So I will bemoan a fate
Of what’s a much less gory plate
And have to settle for mixed greens
With chianti and fava beans

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63 thoughts on “Lecter’s Litany

  1. Human flesh or the walnut based salad I scoffed in France just yesterday (I note you didn’t threaten me with a poetry reading on this occasion!)? Probably the latter…given I’m veggie to start with!

  2. Oh, Marissa…..this is the stuff of my nightmares right here….I’ve never quite gotten over that movie and that pic up there (funny though it was meant to be) scared me all over again. Your verse is PERFECT for him…..I only wish it were true!

      • I actually am not that big on Halloween because I really despise trick or treating (going up to stranger’s doors and all the crowds) and the cheap costumes that are so expensive and then barely hold up for the handful of times the kids wear them. However, the last couple of years I’ve been doing Halloween themed blogs for the month of October, and I find them endlessly inspiring!!

      • Agree with you on the whole trick-or-treat scenario, but would really love to see some of those homes you describe and I think a Halloween party would be a riot. But of course your posts are the very best of all scenarios, so I’ll content myself with those!

      • Oh well, thanks. I will try to get some pics this year but it’s so crowded and there’s always tons of people with cameras vying for the best spots. Also, my iPhone 4 does not do well in the dark.

  3. “Digesting all the gooey texture.” Have you watched Scream Queens yet? I was so excited to find a horror show that I could manage to watch with my horror-loving partner. Unfortunatley, I have a really weak stomach, and one scene did me in. I couldn’t make it to the toilet fast enough! I know it’s not real, but I just can’t stomach gore.

    • Oh wow! Don’t think anything like that would make me puke but who knows?? No, I haven’t seen the show. I actually wasn’t sure if it would be any good. Anyway, my two monkeys get final say at TV time so if it’s a thumbs up for them, it’s a thumbs up for me!

  4. Marissa, gruesome as he is I cannot take my eyes off of Anthony Hopkins in his role as Hannibal Lecter.
    I loved the sisters in celery and the other references to flesh and blood.
    Oooh, this was such a juicy poem with all kinds of juices, peach and tomato juice would be sticky and almost nearly as gooey as blood. Shriek!

The Blood Trail Starts Here...

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