Life’s really been no fun at all
Since lowering my cholesterol
It seems a very paltry reason
For one like me to switch to vegan
When menacing I say “Hey mister
Watch it or I’ll eat your sister”
It just is not the same you see
When said to stalks of celery
And organ eating’s a sad joke
Reduced to hearts of artichoke
And I will miss the crispy zest
That’s only found in human flesh
Which pales so in comparison
To a peach’s tasteless skin
They say potato’s too have eyes
But I find them quite bland and dry
And miss out on the unique pleasure
Digesting all the gooey texture
Of what was staring back at me
But now I’ll do with broccoli
And sadly there’s no vegan platter
Substituting my gray matter
Nothing pleases my digestion
Like a rack of large intestine
So I will bemoan a fate
Of what’s a much less gory plate
And have to settle for mixed greens
With chianti and fava beans
I’m glad you settle for the veggies 😀
Ha, not happily though!
The image of you biting a piece of intestine wasn’t a nice one for me 😀
That picture’s so creepy. Veggies are a lot yummier. I sure do hope you stick to eating them 🙂
Yes, actually when I found the picture, it was a gif so you actually saw him munching back and forth and the corn flying everywhere. I don’t know why it didn’t work once I inserted it but it’s still somewhat effective.
It’s like the calm before the storm. I just see his face and all these movies come haunting me. Ssssshhhh!!!!
Okay (whispered)
Human flesh or the walnut based salad I scoffed in France just yesterday (I note you didn’t threaten me with a poetry reading on this occasion!)? Probably the latter…given I’m veggie to start with!
You’re own kind of cannibalism then…I like it.
I pity the plight of the walnut!
Lol! I love your brilliant and hilariously creative mind tossed around with Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Yeesssssss. Encore! Encore!
Why, thank you so much!
A new diet for cannibals, perhaps? Awesome, Marissa!
Yes, perhaps. Well can’t really have it both ways. Thanks Syl.
I’ll stick with the veggies….
Oh, Marissa…..this is the stuff of my nightmares right here….I’ve never quite gotten over that movie and that pic up there (funny though it was meant to be) scared me all over again. Your verse is PERFECT for him…..I only wish it were true!
Sorry to have conjured a frightening image. It is getting towards Halloween though…Mwah hah hah!!
You are so naughty, Marissa…..I bet you just love Halloweentime, eh? I like the little kids in costume, but could do without all the frights!
I actually am not that big on Halloween because I really despise trick or treating (going up to stranger’s doors and all the crowds) and the cheap costumes that are so expensive and then barely hold up for the handful of times the kids wear them. However, the last couple of years I’ve been doing Halloween themed blogs for the month of October, and I find them endlessly inspiring!!
Agree with you on the whole trick-or-treat scenario, but would really love to see some of those homes you describe and I think a Halloween party would be a riot. But of course your posts are the very best of all scenarios, so I’ll content myself with those!
Oh well, thanks. I will try to get some pics this year but it’s so crowded and there’s always tons of people with cameras vying for the best spots. Also, my iPhone 4 does not do well in the dark.
Michele Obama approved?
Well, we weren’t actually too concerned about that.
Oh man I can visualize this, amazingly descriptive, and too realistic, ha ha. I’ve never been able to sit through that entire movie.
It is rather disturbing. Thanks Lana!
Love the ending. Love the beginning. You set up a tasty poem-plate.
Ha! Too soon!!
Oh my – this was the gruesome poem yet! … “I will miss the crispy zest
That’s only found in human flesh” {shudder!!!}
Perhaps I got a bit too into the role??
Just channelling your inner cannibal 😉
If cows were vegetables, I would be a vegetarian.
Wow, that’s so grass rootsy of you. Your almost there!
Think that would work as a bumper sticker?
This could easily be sung by zombies you know.
Well, there was a rock group back in the 60s called The Zombies. Perhaps I can offer this to them for a reunion tour.
DO IT! 🙂
“Digesting all the gooey texture.” Have you watched Scream Queens yet? I was so excited to find a horror show that I could manage to watch with my horror-loving partner. Unfortunatley, I have a really weak stomach, and one scene did me in. I couldn’t make it to the toilet fast enough! I know it’s not real, but I just can’t stomach gore.
Oh wow! Don’t think anything like that would make me puke but who knows?? No, I haven’t seen the show. I actually wasn’t sure if it would be any good. Anyway, my two monkeys get final say at TV time so if it’s a thumbs up for them, it’s a thumbs up for me!
Marissa, gruesome as he is I cannot take my eyes off of Anthony Hopkins in his role as Hannibal Lecter.
I loved the sisters in celery and the other references to flesh and blood.
Oooh, this was such a juicy poem with all kinds of juices, peach and tomato juice would be sticky and almost nearly as gooey as blood. Shriek!
Yes, Anthony Hopkins is definitely captivating, even in that role. I’m glad you liked the poem, gruesome as it was!
Sisters are fesh and blood, hey I just realized I tied this in better than I thought. Eh eh heh eh! (trying to make a witchy sound.) I noticed that comment not denying or admitting to being part of a coven, Marissa. Ha ha!
Ha! Let’s just say guilt by association then!
Marissa the vampire
Hoping to eat one’s sister
This is a fun read with a tinge of frustration. Having to switch foods for health is frustrating.
Yes, it certainly is…and I can only imagine what it would be like for a cannibal…hence the poem.
I love the second verse, but really there are just so many good lines. Funny and clever as usual : )
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!
This is a hoot. “The no food diet,” as my Dad called it. For some reason it made me think of the plight of a vegan vampire. Halloween on the brain maybe.
Yes, that’s another good one. I suppose blood is not vegan, heh, heh!
Just…ewwww. To both sides of that coin.
I was hoping you would like it!!
Human flesh just has a strange tint of metal to it, and vegan gets rid of the most important food source there is. Bacon. 😀
Human flesh…and you should know.
Shhhh…
You are on a roll! LOVE THESE!
Thank you! It’s Halloween time, you know.
I understand how hard it must be to be a vegetarian vampire..The struggle is real !
Oh, absolutely!
I never thought I’d find myself feeling a little sorry for Hannibal the Cannibal.
It does evoke pity, doesn’t it?
Ha! Eat your artichoke heart out, Marissa. 🙂
Don’t mind if I do.
I am lauhhing so hard Marissa….imagine threatening celery stick…Lol…
Yes, and I’m sure that piece of celery was shaking in it’s…um…stalk.