Oh hon look at our little lamb
Pictured in the sonogram
She looks so small so sweet and dear
I just can’t wait til she is here
We have her crib, some clothes her wipes her
Toys, layette sets and her diapers
One thing though it’s very plain
Our little one just needs a name
I just can’t guess a name other
Than that one of my nice old mother
Don’t you think that would be special?
Problem solved, we’ll call her Ethel!
How could you be so unwitting
Please tell me that you are kidding
Surely even you can see
That woman always hated me
Hideous backwards compliments
She always doubts my competence
I’ll name my daughter for that ogre
Only once hell freezes over
But I think I have our answer
Candie Nikki Trixie Amber
Oh my God what is your goal?
To drive her up a stripper pole?
Let’s make sure from the very start
That she’s a warrior at heart
Something strong and something mighty
Calliope or Aphrodite
Are you joking? Oh pu-leeze!
Imagine how she would get teased
Another thing there is no telling
How often there would be misspellings
But name her with integrity
With some flare and celebrity
Don’t you think it would be dope
To name her Pear or Cantaloupe
Oh my god, that’s just bizarre
What say we name her for a car
Saturn, Subaru or Mazda
Ferrari, Pontiac or Honda
Or maybe even better yet
Consult the medicine cabinet
Xanax, Prozac, Penicillin
All this fighting’s got me nauseous
Right here in the doctor’s office
Let’s just close our eyes and spin
Our fingers point to random things
Which ever one we get to first
Will be our daughter’s name at birth
And now so plainly you see that
I have this story cold down pat
And even to the point it rhymes
Since I’ve told it a thousand times
When I’m asked nearly every day
Just how I got the name X-Ray.
For the inspiration for this blog I must give full credit to Phil Taylor and his blog Ten Situations That Should Be Solved By A Rap Battle. Thank you Phil.