Freak Magnet

When walking through a field of grass
Most see a sea of flowers
I see a guy hand down his pants
Who offers golden showers

A simple introduction’s made
I’m holding my hand out
Next thing I know my fingers somehow
End up in their mouth

If I’m the least bit friendly and
I try not to affront
I’ll end up at a seance chanting
Or a zombie hunt

And if a somewhat normal friendship
Seems about to crop
I look upon it skeptically
The other shoe will drop

When it turns out she thinks she’s a cat
Or likes to pick her toes
Or maybe inhales chocolate milk
Directly up her nose

Or she’s about to suck my blood
In the midst of the night
Or she cries every time that Kim
and Kanye have a fight

Tell me do you think it’s me
A smell I am emitting
Some supersonic radar sense
Which I must be transmitting

A gullible expression they take
As an invitation
Or maybe just a general
Air of desperation

Or the way I try to stop from
Stepping on the cracks
When walking down the street with my
Invisible blue cat


60 thoughts on “Freak Magnet

  1. There is a certain part of me that fully relates to this poem. I hope I am NOT a freak magnet. . . But I have been flashed in the woods, hair pulled on a 5th date and so on, so forth. Maybe you emit an odor attracting these strange characters. I think my radar is broken that used to help warn me to head the other way, Marissa. I used to have one like Will Robinson did in the television show, “Lost in Space.” The robot would say, “Warning, warning, Wiil Robinson.” Instead of a robot- I had a sense of dread.
    No way would you ever be desperate, but the woman in this poem may be. πŸ™‚

    • Oh wow Robin! I’m sorry you had such unfortunate experiences. I’ve known some freaks in my life for sure but that is not always a bad thing. I don’t know if there’s any radar going on in my head but the true freaks seem to reveal themselves in due time.

      • Due time is accurate assessment and I am not at all adverse to get out of freaky situations, Marissa. I like freaks in the sense of out of the ordinary people who think outside the box and love “nerds.” Oh, I think I may have to admit I don’t mind “corny” people either. πŸ™‚

    • An invisible blue cat?? Yes, they are rather difficult to find. I came across mine on Facebook…you know, one of those cats desperately seeking a home things. I think it was particularly hard to adopt because they couldn’t post a picture. I took a chance. Best decision ever! So low maintenance!

  2. LOL! Those that dwell in alternate dimensions of social etiquette know the significance of an Empress with an invisible blue cat and so they will always put on their best act. The rules of engagement were well defined in, The Memoirs of Sideshow Bob. ut more than likely it is the friendly smile that does it. Try walking around with the who farted look and see if things quiet down. πŸ˜€

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