Doppleganger

I have an evil twin you know
She always hangs around
And when it seems I deviate
You know she can be found

‘Cause surely I would never stoop
To eat all your ice cream
Or put your dirty underwear
In with the drawer of clean

Or call your boss and tell him that
You think he’s a real jerk
And that you’re really blogging when
You should be hard at work

And if my writing is subpar
Well surely you can guess
Her hacking ways defame my name
All over my WordPress

And of course it was not my hair
That caused the drain to clog
Nor was it me who thought to put
Your lipstick on the dog

Or make prank calls to your grandma
And say things that are lewd
Not flush the toilet, leave the cap
Off of the toothpaste tube

And if you doubt these words I write
They are no thin disguise
For witnesses attest to my
Quite foolproof alibis

Which place me at my home or work
While these bad things occur
Although most can not say for sure
Which one is me or her

And then she looks so innocent
Midst her self caused upheaval
The nerve! She points to me and says
That I’m the one that’s evil

Inspired by a blogersation I had with Mark Bialczak.

My sister and I circa 1990

My sister and I circa 1990

An Open Letter To The Jumper On the 5 South

If I had seen you on the overpass prepared to jump
Onto the freeway hoping you would end a lifeless lump
I’d try my best to tell you you had everything and more
The world just waiting at your feet and ready to explore

But if you just had let me know your mind was fully made
I’d choose another path and choice and so try to dissuade
For wine is fine and whiskey quicker, and a lot less painless
Bathtubs, razor blades and rope would be a lot less heinous

But if this was the way you chose for your final achievement
Let’s postpone from rush hour to a time much more convenient
For we’d all be more sympathetic to your pain and your hurt
If you didn’t make thousands of people late for work.

mag-overpass-burbank

Tut Tut Tales

Three Second Rule

Marcus Mike Maximus Brown
I say it isn’t cool
How when your cake falls on the floor
You call 3 second rule

And when ice cream falls from your cone
Then for it you will dive
And then that old 3 second rule
Can become 4 or 5

But when your brussel sprouts fall down
Just bending is a chore
And it’s unfit for your mouth now
As it’s been on the floor.

Janey Jones

Janey Jones thought it’s be cool
To jump around while in the pool
She jumped and jumped with all her might
And reached the most impressive heights

And Janey she caused such a stir
That all did turn to look at her
And so she reached the water’s top
And even then she did not stop

Which would have been completely awesome
If not for her bikini bottoms
Which I’m quite sure she did not know
Floated somewhere down below.

 

A bit of a collection here…I wrote these over the weekend and thought they went together in a childlike way. I called the blog Tut Tut Tales after a book I read as a child by Marjorie Barrows, which I don’t exactly remember but the name seemed to fit.

I’d also like to thank Robin at Witless Dating After Fifty and Inchcock at, well, Inchcock for inspiration although I’m not sure they will recognize it’s source.

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