Thank You, Good Night

We’ve been playing music now
For twenty years or more
Rocked a milliion faces as
We headed out on tour

But when old Steve was windmilling
He went and broke a hip
As they wheeled him off the stage
He said “It’s time to quit”

Then we sat and reflected on
The years that had gone by
And thought we could do one more tour
We’d aptly name “Goodbye”

And Stevie he would windmill too
But this time with more caution
And we’d put tickets up for sale
That cost fans a small fortune

With the event’s magnanity
All witnesses would bask
In music’s event of the year
The tour to be our last

And tears were shed and songs were sung
We wore our wigs, hid fat
And then with sadness and relief
We knew that that was that

And for a few years quiet reigned
With each fall, spring and summer
Until one day the doorbell rang
And standing there our drummer

And those fateful three words came out
“Retirement’s a bore”
And that’s exactly what we would
Be calling our next tour

And though a valiant effort made
In each show that went past
Our age apparent so we knew
This tour would be our last

Until our bass player showed up
Looking pretty crummy
And asked if we could do one more
Cause he needed the money

So then followed the Farewell Tour
And then the Farewell 2
The Ciao For Now and The Peace Out
Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

The Smell You Later Alligator
Then The Thank You, Good Night
The Last Tour We Swear To God
And On Our Mother’s Life

Now we’re out here playing clubs
An audience of two
And that includes the lighting guy
And the cleaning crew

We strike signature poses but
Look like we soon will drop
Our fan are holding posters high
That say things like “please stop”

And now we’re on The Absolutely
Positive Last Tour
Although We Aren’t Absolutely
Positively Sure

This poem was inspired by a book of the same name by Andy Abramowitz.

Below is footage from Kiss’ final tour of 2000, another one that didn’t stick.


So, over the weekend, I heard news that two of my acquaintances started dating. The woman in the relationship has a son from a previous marriage. I wrote this poem in honor of this new relationship, although it is just my cynical view of what might happen.

After writing the poem, it occurred to me that it might do well converted into a song, kind of a Ramones-ish type of thing; so when my family got some studio time, that’s exactly what I decided to do. So without further ado here is:

Anjelica Bergen: drums and backing vocals
Jesse Bergen: lead vocals
Ides Bergen: guitar
Marissa Bergen: bass and backing vocals

We don’t have a name yet but I’m thinking Double Cheese Bergens…or Bacon Double Cheese Bergens….

When I met you I knew you were the one
You were so hot and a lot of fun
‘Til that day when I held you close
You said there’s something that you gotta know
You told me we would never part
But there was someone who shared you heart
Next thing you know I was looking at
Your snot nosed little brat

I love you but your kid is a brat
I love you but your kid is a brat
Don’t know if I can put up with that
That snot nosed little brat

I’m not gonna ask you to choose
But he puts Lego pieces in my shoes
You think he don’t know cause he’s really young
But when you turn ’round he sticks out his tongue
Under my pillow case I found some snot
I’m pretty sure that he threw out my pot
And I wonder if it would be so bad
If he just went to live with his dad


Now babe I just want to give you a kiss
He choose that time to throw a fit
All too often but you are convinced
That’s it’s just a big coincidence
You say we should just give it some time
Then everything will work out fine
Cause he just needs to get used to me
But in the meantime my beer tastes like pee.


It’s A Dirty Job

“Hello this is Marissa and
I thank you very much
For making it your choice today
To call on Hits R Us

Now that things are in our hands
There’s no need to be nervous
And let me please assure you we’ve
Top quality in service

So tell me is it an in law
Who’s testing your endurance
A spouse who wore his welcome and
Has some good life insurance

A teacher with a failing grade
They’re ready to bestow
A rich aunt on her last legs who’s
Just refusing to go

We at Hits do understand
These instances are stressful
But you’re in luck you called today
Since we’re running a special

So please let all your good friends know
And tell your family
That if they act by Sunday then
It’s buy one get one free

But before we do move on
To ways and means and actions
You get your pick from our array
Of lovely skilled assassins

Perhaps you’d like the Panther or
Possibly Big Mike
The Chef, Karate Killer or
Maybe you’ll choose Spike

The Femme Fatale assassin or
The Reaper, the Ice Queen
Or if you’re sparing no expense
We also have Eugene

And now a manner delicate
Of which many are tepid
But please feel free to take your pick
From our creative methods

A gradual poisoning over time
Or you may decide
Upon popular methods that
We’ll just call suicide

Or maybe there’s an accident
And they got in the way
Or you can get Chef’s specialty
Bake them in a souffle

24 hour turnaround
We promise without fail
We can even send a small
Memento in the mail

So make it Hits R Us each time
Your looking for a whack
Satisfaction guaranteed
Or your money back”