What Would You Do?

I’d tell the pope a dirty joke
Blow raspberries at a nun
Hold up the New York Federal reserve
With a rubber tommy water gun

I’d put my face into the ground
And lick up worms and dirt
Go to a gangsta rap concert
Wearing a Slayer shirt

I would take the neighbor’s dog
Out on a dinner date
Go streaking naked at next year’s
Presidential debate

Ride through the desert backwards on
A quite ill tempered llama
I’d wear a garbage bag to work
I’d French kiss your mama

I’d jump a double decker bus
In a high end sports car
And that my friend is what I’d do
For a Klondike bar….

Especially if it was Reese’s.

I’d like to thank my son Jesse Bergen for the inspiration for this one.

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83 thoughts on “What Would You Do?

  1. It’s late morning here and I’m laughing. Now what would I do for a Reese’s? Hmmm! Maybe laugh all day ’til I fall to pieces. Groan!

  2. Honestly.. I have never really cared for them. The chocolate tastes funny and the ice cream is.. meh. But the poem, well, I have to admit, I would pay to see you do a few of those.

  3. Jolly good stuff per usual yet as ever there is one small area of confusion twixt American English and English namely a Klondike Bar. Is that a place where people on a gold rush stop off for a swift beer I wonder? If so just what is a pure as the driven snow gal like you doing even contemplating going in such a place?

  4. Oh, I was thinking all the way through…’This, Marissa, she could be scary, I’m just glad she writes it instead of doing it!’ And then got to the end and I see it’s all perfectly justified and you’re not one bit scary….just rational!

    • Exactly, I mean maybe not rational enough. I mean, perhaps I need to be even more daring. After all, these are Klondike bars. Not just like I could go to a store and pay for one!!

  5. Now, Marissa, I would stand on the roof of my friends’ house, wearing a (never worn) bikini since I cannot go entirely naked for anything, and jump up and down singing the “5 Little Monkeys” preschool chant . . . all for a Heath flavored Klondike bar. πŸ™‚
    I loved all of your insane ideas of what YOU would endure to get a Reese’s Klondike bar, Marissa. Thanks for this idea, dear son, Jesse Bergen. πŸ™‚

      • Oh, goody, goody! I definitely love pandering to my sweet tooth, Marissa. I could be quite a foolish person under certain situations. I was able to get up and do “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” while holding the karaoke mike way far from my mouth with two coworkers 3 years ago. πŸ™‚ (It took me one or two wine coolers, Smirnoff Ice’s. . .)

    • Robin, Heath is my favorite too. I’ve got some in the freezer right now, and as luck would have it I’m heading through Ohio Wednesday AM on my way to Wyoming. Should I pack one on dry ice….?

      • Oh, how I wish that baby would be born on Wednesday!! I have a baby from my son and DIL due any day now, but otherwise HAVE to work! I would be so excited to meet you somewhere in transit with your Heath bar Klondikes on Ice! I would like to meet many of my fellow bloggers and am sure we would get along. Thanks so much for the offer, J.C. πŸ™‚ Have a safe trip xoxo

  6. My goodness, I haven’t had a Klondike in forever… really I think I had one last year… what is wrong with me?! Great post! I’d egg my boss’s house for one. πŸ˜„

  7. Thanks for the earlier link and the explanation, we just call them choice ices here. Do you have Mars Bars over there…no ice cream but best eaten after storage in a fridge. In Scotland they deep fry them in batter bringing many hearts to an early ending.

  8. The opening stanza of your verse reminded me of some of those superb ‘ no-sense’ verses which Lewis Carroll made famous. I just can’t resist reproducing two of them here; they are from ” A Strage Wild Song”.

    Quote
    He thought he saw an Elephant
    That practised on a fife:
    He looked again, and found it was
    A letter from his wife.
    ‘At length I realize,’ he said,
    ‘The bitterness of life! ‘

    He thought he saw a Buffalo
    Upon the chimney-piece:
    He looked again, and found it was
    His Sister’s Husband’s Niece.
    ‘Unless you leave this house,’ he said,
    ‘I’ll send for the police! ‘

    Unquote

    Cheers πŸ™‚

    Shakti

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