I’d tell the pope a dirty joke
Blow raspberries at a nun
Hold up the New York Federal reserve
With a rubber tommy water gun
I’d put my face into the ground
And lick up worms and dirt
Go to a gangsta rap concert
Wearing a Slayer shirt
I would take the neighbor’s dog
Out on a dinner date
Go streaking naked at next year’s
Presidential debate
Ride through the desert backwards on
A quite ill tempered llama
I’d wear a garbage bag to work
I’d French kiss your mama
I’d jump a double decker bus
In a high end sports car
And that my friend is what I’d do
For a Klondike bar….
Especially if it was Reese’s.
I’d like to thank my son Jesse Bergen for the inspiration for this one.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
Oooooh, I don’t know about wearing Slayer shirt to a Rap show. That would be cray-cray! 😉
I know! But, you know, a Klondike bar…not like you can just go to the store and get one!
Or six. My kids rifle through Klondikes.
I bet they do.
I gotta tell you that you have very good taste. 🙂
You like the Reese’s too?
Yes, ma’am. I does.
It’s late morning here and I’m laughing. Now what would I do for a Reese’s? Hmmm! Maybe laugh all day ’til I fall to pieces. Groan!
Wish granted. If you just add a couple of bucks to that, the grocery store has plenty!!
Sounds like a great way to spend the weekend
Right, now it’s Monday and I be wantin’ my Klondike!!!
Oh, yes, that sounds about right 🙂
Oh good. I was hoping you could come to the rap concert with me.
Honestly.. I have never really cared for them. The chocolate tastes funny and the ice cream is.. meh. But the poem, well, I have to admit, I would pay to see you do a few of those.
Don’t tell anyone, but I have to agree with you, at least on the ice cream. It tastes like lite ice cream. Still, I though it made a cute poem.
That it did. That it did.
Jolly good stuff per usual yet as ever there is one small area of confusion twixt American English and English namely a Klondike Bar. Is that a place where people on a gold rush stop off for a swift beer I wonder? If so just what is a pure as the driven snow gal like you doing even contemplating going in such a place?
Ugh, another time when I have risked alienating my friends across the seas. You can go to this link it you’d like:
http://www.klondikebar.com/
to see what all the fuss is about, but I much prefer you just going where your imagination seems to be taking you.
100 calories of chocolate sort of stuff on a video before my eyes…me a diabetic…you’re a cruel woman young Marissa!
Oh, goodness! Quite forgot about the whole diabetic thing. Well, I did say to just leave it to your imagination. Would I make it any better if I told you they’re really not that good? Much better to have one of those rich sumptuous flourless chocolate cake…or scoops of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream drizzling with hot fudge…
Do you realize you just caused me to rush to the fridge and nick a couple of Shirl’s chocolates! Tasted bloody lovely though!
If you’re in a diabetic coma in the morning I’ll delete all the evidence.
What was that you said….thud!
Mike??? Uh…Mike??? Oh well….
If you hadn’t said Reece’s toward the end, I would have had no idea. My imagination wasn’t even ready to start imagining!!
Really?? After all that it never occurred to you that chocolate was on the line??
I should have known, I know, but I thought perhaps it was something even more important! What would you do for something more important? or am I underplaying the importance of chocolate by asking that? haha
Yes, definitely underplaying the importance of chocolate…although what are we talking here…Godiva??
Ha ha. I’d love to know the lengths you’d go to for a Godiva! Or maybe not…I don’t want to be an accessory!
I’d tell you…but then I’d have to kill you!
okay, I don’t want to know…
Oh, I was thinking all the way through…’This, Marissa, she could be scary, I’m just glad she writes it instead of doing it!’ And then got to the end and I see it’s all perfectly justified and you’re not one bit scary….just rational!
Exactly, I mean maybe not rational enough. I mean, perhaps I need to be even more daring. After all, these are Klondike bars. Not just like I could go to a store and pay for one!!
I would even go to a store and pay $1.50 for one.
Ha, ha, yeah, I knew one joker would come along and spoil all the fun. Figures it’d be you Bitter Ben!
Have I ever not spoiled the fun? I would also read other people’s blogs for one.
Must have forgotten who I was writing to.
Temporary insanity.
Haha…. that is really a passionate craving. Such a funny and entertaining poem, Marissa. You are so good in that.
Thank you Erika! Well, really, I’d probably do things like these for a bit more than supermarket chocolate…but definitely a flourless chocolate torte…or some gourmet gelato…mmmmm….don’t get me started!
😀😀😀
Now, Marissa, I would stand on the roof of my friends’ house, wearing a (never worn) bikini since I cannot go entirely naked for anything, and jump up and down singing the “5 Little Monkeys” preschool chant . . . all for a Heath flavored Klondike bar. 🙂
I loved all of your insane ideas of what YOU would endure to get a Reese’s Klondike bar, Marissa. Thanks for this idea, dear son, Jesse Bergen. 🙂
Oh yeah, the Heath are good too!! I would say you would get 2 packs for that Robin!
Oh, goody, goody! I definitely love pandering to my sweet tooth, Marissa. I could be quite a foolish person under certain situations. I was able to get up and do “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” while holding the karaoke mike way far from my mouth with two coworkers 3 years ago. 🙂 (It took me one or two wine coolers, Smirnoff Ice’s. . .)
Nothing wrong with being foolish if it’s that kind of foolish. Silly is good!
Robin, Heath is my favorite too. I’ve got some in the freezer right now, and as luck would have it I’m heading through Ohio Wednesday AM on my way to Wyoming. Should I pack one on dry ice….?
Oh, how I wish that baby would be born on Wednesday!! I have a baby from my son and DIL due any day now, but otherwise HAVE to work! I would be so excited to meet you somewhere in transit with your Heath bar Klondikes on Ice! I would like to meet many of my fellow bloggers and am sure we would get along. Thanks so much for the offer, J.C. 🙂 Have a safe trip xoxo
Klondike, fuck yeah. I like the Reese’s, but the heath bar flavor really rock me.
Heath is good too. When Robin brought the whole Heath thing into the equation, it really made me think…like keep me up at night wondering and all that…which would be the better choice??
I am glad I was able to keep you up at night, too bad it wasn’t at some gathering or gala event. . . 🙂
Ah yes, where are the galas??
My goodness, I haven’t had a Klondike in forever… really I think I had one last year… what is wrong with me?! Great post! I’d egg my boss’s house for one. XD
That sounds like fun! I’ll do it for free!
Well a girls gotta do what it gotta do when chocolate bar is in question, completely understandable reaction 😉 😀
I know! The consequences don’t even enter into the equation!
Don’t know how you managed to keep the rest as good as that first line. =)
Thanks! I think the key is authenticity. When there are just so many things you would actually do for a Klondike bar, the only challenge left is making them rhyme!
RoaR….
I may have to watch the presidential debate 😱
All in the name of chocolate!
Wearing a slayer shirt at a gangsta rap concert?! You’re seriously devoted to those bars, aren’t you? Bad ass! 😀
Oh you know it!
Hehe 😉
Do they HAVE….Reese’s Klondike Bars? That’s the pointt, huh? 🙂
Yes, of course.
Thanks for the earlier link and the explanation, we just call them choice ices here. Do you have Mars Bars over there…no ice cream but best eaten after storage in a fridge. In Scotland they deep fry them in batter bringing many hearts to an early ending.
That should be choc ices, spellchecker problem.
Well, we all have to die of something…
That’s a whole lotta wanna, Mama! Great ad for Klondike, Marissa. You’re hired. ❤
I don’t think it’s quite PC or PG enough but, hey, I am not above selling out!
The opening stanza of your verse reminded me of some of those superb ‘ no-sense’ verses which Lewis Carroll made famous. I just can’t resist reproducing two of them here; they are from ” A Strage Wild Song”.
Quote
He thought he saw an Elephant
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
‘At length I realize,’ he said,
‘The bitterness of life! ‘
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister’s Husband’s Niece.
‘Unless you leave this house,’ he said,
‘I’ll send for the police! ‘
Unquote
Cheers 🙂
Shakti
Love it and thank you for sharing here. I can only wonder why they were called ‘no sense’ verses, as they make perfect sense to me!
Uhm…..to prevent you from french kissing my mama I will save us ALL a lot of trouble…. I will BUY you klondike bars if ever we meet. I swear!!!
Oh, but where’s the fun in that?
Well, you have a good point Marissa. But I don’t know how my mom will feel about it.
Let’s don’t tell her…
Okay……but if she asks I can’t lie about it….. you know, the potential of it. If you see her, and think “I can do this….for a klondike”.
That’s fun!
Thank you!
When the end is a chocolate…every line in the poem is worth it😆😆
And with me, it so often is (chocolate that is).
I don’t know those bars! (Do they taste milky? They look milky!) 🙂
It’s ice cream in the middle covered by a hard chocolate shell.