One Big Butt

His last name was Butt
And he couldn’t deny
There was no remedy
That he wouldn’t try

Although he would tell them
He was no relation
Discredit all claims
Change pronunciation

The end of the day
It was so sad but true
Anybody could see
Mom and dad were Butts too

He’d kill to be any
Like Lipschitz or Weiner
Not so obvious
Though perhaps some obscener

Couldn’t change it around
Or try to be cute
Or say that it’s really
Bott, Bitt, Bett or Bute

Couldn’t trade it at marriage
Couldn’t take it away
So he’d be a Butt
Until his dying day

A burden for life
He was destined to carry
Thank his lucky stars
His first name’s not Harry

My deepest sympathies to anyone with an unfortunate last name.

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77 thoughts on “One Big Butt

    • Oh yes, it may have been extremely shallow of me, but I was glad for the upgrade I got taking my husband’s name and not sure if I would have if it was something heinous!

      • You know, it also is very good for character building. When I saw your name on the comments and such, I always thought, Erika Kind…well with a last name like Kind, she has to be nice! Ha, so far it seems to be holding up!

      • Haha… this is so amazing how things come together. When I married I never thought to have a place in the English world. Now this name seems to open doors… It is crazy. The meaning in German is completely different.

  1. LOL! You never fail to make me smile. I’ve learned to never read your poetry while drinking coffee. Guffawing and coffee is hard on keyboards and monitors. I have some inlaws with that last name. Their first names are also cleverly crafted by a family with an unfortunate sense of humor. Surprisingly, none of them are in therapy. 🙂

  2. No joke.. I know several Butts’, and one of them, a man in his late 70’s, goes by his middle name Bill, because… wait for it.. his first name is Harold.

  3. So he’d be a Butt
    Until his dying day..

    Gosh, can’t stop laughing! Sorry. It is funny but a lot of people have to live with it. Like you said til their dying day. Oh dear. I should just keep my mouth shut for my daughter’s still young. You never know she may end up marrying one with one big butt!

  4. OH I relate, and that poor basketball player. OMG! Can you imagine a name like that? Another winner, Marissa! LOVE IT! I don’t like my maiden name because of how I was treated as a child, and I don’t like my married name at all. It is just not me. So, I go by AmyRose and when I do write my book (s) the name on the cover will be AmyRose … someone I created without anyone’s help. 🙂 Yep! True! So cool how your words brought this up to the surface. Hope your have a wonderful weekend, my friend! Love, Amy ❤

    • Yes, some of us really do suffer with unfortunate last names. I never liked my maiden name and feel like I ‘married up, in that sense to have a name that sounds much more gentrified, ha, ha! Otherwise I may have just kept my own!!

      • I just read something about one of these celebrities who are getting married and her husband it taking her name. I think it may have been the daughter of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet but I’m trying to search for the article to send you the link and no luck. Maybe it was someone else….

      • YAY for woman power!!! All joking aside, I really think everyone should have the right to keep their last name. I think it has just evolved due to things getting complicated like filing for taxes and what not. It’s convenient to have ONE name so the woman’s name gets dropped. That and we still live in a man orientated world. 😦

  5. Funny girl! I grew up hearing the tale of a former Texas Governor with the last name, Hogg. I’d always heard that he had three girls named, Ima, Ura and Wera. Turns out Ura and Wera never existed, but Ima Hogg sure did. She never married. 😋

      • I thought that too, but your post prompted me to research Ima Hogg a little further. She was born in the 1890’s and had a really close relationship with her widowed father. She graduated from college in Texas and then went on to study music in NY. She actually founded the Houston Symphony. Ima Hogg led a pretty cool life for a turn of the century lady. I’m totally geeking out on history right now! Thanks for inadvertently inspiring me to learn something new today.
        Here’s a link if you’re interested:
        https://tshaonline.org/publications/books/31531

      • Oh gosh, I looked at the link and it really brought her to life. Well, I guess the whole name thing worked out for the best for old Ima. She seemed to do pretty well for herself.

  6. The only positive for the young woman is that at least in her country, “taka” is pronounced with a whole other “take” than ours. So unfortunate but how funny was this whole episode from sit-com world, Marissa? I could see the animated family of Butts in all their quirky, awkward glory. Only some people who looked like Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner could truly “pull off” a family name like Butt and make it seem,”Cool, man.” Well, I wandered off into the clover field (or maybe poppy field?) again . . .

    • I don’t know…with a last name like Butt, I might be frightened to enter the entertainment industry without changing it first. I could just imagine a bunch of casting directors sitting around and saying something like “She’s really perfect of the role…but her last name is Butt…”

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