High Stakes

Gladys lights her cigar up
Ethel her pipe bowl
She says “I see your coupons
And raise you a quarter roll!”

Esther says “I fold, you are
Too rich for my blood honey
Don’t think this pair of sevens
Gonna win your laundry money!”

Then I’m sure Martha is out
She’s always the most frugal
But she sees the quarters with
Her recipe for kugel

Estelle and Bea and Gwen are out
The stakes are much too hot
It’s just Ethel and Martha
Drawing cards now for the pot

Martha’s got her poker face
Will the end be dismal?
Bea misreads it and hands her
A pack of Pepto Bismol

And the next thing that I know
The pot is getting huge
Ethel’s put her girdle in
And orthopedic shoes

Martha isn’t backing down
In fact she is hell bent
With her prescription pot and her
Last will and testament

Martha threw in hard candies
A crystal centerpiece
Ethel threw in dates for Martha’s sons
With her her hot niece

And barely could I look as so
Much higher went the bids
Referral cards for doctors and
Pictures of their grandkids

How high the pile still would grow
I could only venture
But Martha did stop Ethel when
She offered up her dentures

Demanded that she show her hand
And Ethel was resigned
To fan the cards she held so dear
To show four of a kind

And Martha gathered up the pot
And Ethel paid her dues
All for a hand that turned out as
A lousy pair of twos.