Annoying Ed

Annoying Ed everyone dreads
And practices avoiding
Social interaction cause
He’s just too darn annoying

But I took pity on the guy
Sought opportunity
As I thought ” Oh just really how
annoying could he be?”

We went out to the movies
He talked all the way through
Spoiling the whole plot line
Dont’ ask me how he knew

He had a funny way of kind of
Whistling when he breathed
Then he spent the night extracting
Popcorn from his teeth

Though he was trying on my nerves
I swore we’d hang again
But none too soon when the phone rang
On Sunday 6 AM

He said “Hey, you want to hang out
Maybe shoot the breeze?
I thought that we could go meet up
Down by the Chuck E Cheese.”

And though not quite the manner I would
Choose to spend my day
I felt bad so I found what Ed
Had on his resume

His legs fidgeted up and down
Bit his nails to the quick
He hummed merrily to himself
Hocked loogies up and spit

He laughed too loudly and too long
I thought I’d lose my mind
When he told the hamster story
For the 7th time

Then we went to get some food
The waiter brought my plate
Ed helped himself to a huge bite
Of my chocolate cake

Chewed it with an open mouth
Then came to the assertion
That he just really wasn’t
Much a chocolate person

Smoke it came out from my ears
My eyes were seeing red
I came across the table and
I nearly strangled Ed

I said “I can not take you Ed
I’m afraid we’re through
On account there is no one quite
Annoying as you.”

And into the fresh air I went
Blissfully alone
Although as I walked off I heard
Him talk into his phone

And though I was so filled with rage
And my mind in a blur
Distinctly did he say “Thank God
I’m finally rid of her!”

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32 thoughts on “Annoying Ed

  1. Do you know if I was out with a gal who had smoke coming out of her ears I’m afraid I would one pleased to see the back of her…I mean it’s just not right is it? Unless of course I owned a fairground then I may well offer her gainful employment!

    • Oh, so you think he’s annoying too? Yeah, I was gonna call it Annoying Tom but I thought I would hurt the poor guy’s feelings. Plus it just didn’t flow as well. (LOL).

      • There’s a fella I recently met.
        He’s got a blog that owes a debt
        To that tongue-in-cheeker
        Famous for his oink oink wink winker.,
        the one and only John Cleese,
        who speaks Monty Pythonese.
        Of course, the lad I am speaking,
        the lad who is daily peeking
        out from his word pressed words
        I never thought would be heard,
        the one and only
        Tom Balistreri

  2. No way, Marissa would you be annoying to anyone. Seems like we all have had to ‘lug’ around someone who was annoying or a “Debby Downer.” I made a choice as I went into the downhill slide after 55 to gently let some of the ones who seemed to suck my soul out or if put nicely, just seemed to always NEED me more than I needed them. Smiles for this fun post!

  3. Marissa, I have NO IDEA how I missed this post! It’s awesome. I think I may include it in my raising-a-teen lecture series that I give to my son to point out what NOT to be!

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