Ides and The Beanstalk

A mountain farmer was poor Ides
To the market he went
To sell a magic cow he had
So he could pay the rent

Ides met a Rastafarian
Who said, “Mon what you need
Is just to go sell me your cow
For these here magic seeds.”

And so Ides came home with the seeds
Which his wife promptly threw
Into the soil mutt’ring “Why’d
I ever marry you?”

But the next day the two awoke
And up into the sky
Grew there a skunky leafy plant
Twas really really high

And every day Ides would climb up
With a cold can of suds
And bring down to his wife each night
Some potent stinky buds

One day as Ides was hanging there
He met a giant fellow
Who said he smelled an Englishman
Which harshed Ides’ righteous mellow

He feed and fied and foed and fummed
And took a mighty sniff
Which knocked poor Ides right off his feet
Right as he toked a spliff

And though I saw the sad sight not
I hear the story goes
The giant just inhaled poor Ides
He went straight up his nose.

His widow she did dedicate
Unto his memory
Her own quite groovy Ides Bergen
Weed Dispensary

And she got filthy stinkin rich
But she never forgot
Her dear departed husband see
She missed him quite a lot

But one day when the spring it sprung
A pollenated breeze
Brought her dear Ides right back to her
After a real loud sneeze

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This is my second submission in the Five Day Photo Challenge, though maybe not the most timely submission. The photo above inspired the post but I feel as if I would be remiss if I didn’t also include these fine photos that proceeded that one. No, you’re welcome.

 

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65 thoughts on “Ides and The Beanstalk

    • Oh yeah, definitely the picture. Since being nominated for this challenge, I am getting way more inspiration from pictures that already exist in my photo album then anything I could imagine taking now…so far anyway!

    • Now Mike, I see you shaking your head in disapproval and I must tell you that it’s really not what you think…what it actually is is….well ummm…. I’ll get back to you on that one…

      • Knowing you as I do as one as pure as the driven snow I feel sure that you have merely mistaken an over-sized Aloe Vera plant for weed…that’s all.

  1. Applause. Good one. This made me realize why Jack did that Giant in. The Giant said, “Fie fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman.” Jack was Irish.

    • Yes, really! You’d think he’d know that the blood of an Englishman and the blood of Irishman have distinctly different smells. Also, I think when Jack tried to correct him the giant said “How am I supposed to know? All you white people smell the same!!”

  2. At last the myths about the fairy tale are dispelled once and for all. The pictures just make it all too real. And, that’s why I liked it so much πŸ™‚

      • Bwaaa haaa haaa! I think all the fairytale authors back in the day shared magic seeds and then got themselves inspired. It’s not possible to envision those kinds of things without help. Just go ask Alice when she’s ten foot tall. πŸ™‚

      • Yeah, well for sure Lewis Carroll was smoking the wacky tabacky. Aesop, the Brothers Grimm? You think they passed around the pipe? Say it isn’t so!! Inspiration for a whole other blog methinks!!

      • I don’t remember if a proper conspiracy theory panel was ever chartered to follow up on Aesop’s affinity for animals with human traits. Seems wine was likely involved with medicinal herbs. And those Grimm brothers! Hansel and Gretel was surely a reference to the munchies.

      • Splendid! I see a book and movie deal, maybe a TV series as well. Fractured Fairy Tales part II is on the horizon πŸ™‚ I wonder if Rocky and Bullwinkle would come out of retirement to host it?

      • It could be outrageous fun. But, requires sufficient mulling as you pointed out. πŸ™‚

      • I’ve got my aluminum foil cap with coat hanger focuser on. Lots of images. No words yet…Oh! wait. Glasses were smudged.

  3. I think this may be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said about me:

    “But she never forgot
    Her dear departed husband see
    She missed him quite a lot ”

    I love it baby!

  4. There is simply no way I can even begin to be as witty as all the comments already posted. Funny, funny poem … even if it is making my nose twitch in sympathy for the giant πŸ˜‰

  5. Marissa, you need to take up doing photo challenges ALL THE TIME. This is so great……I could have looked at those pix for a million days and NEVER come up with a verse even close to this. You’re probably also the only person I know that would have photos like this in their album! What fun on both counts!

    • Yes, it’s funny because I look for inspiration everywhere but never realized so much was on my own backyard??! Well really, who says we have to keep it to 5 days? Thank you for your kind words!

  6. I love the happy ending, the plus side of having allergies, bringing him back with a sneeze. I just get red eyes during allergy season, which is pretty much all year long here. I adore the fairy tale poems! You really should put them in a wonderfully illustrated book. I have “beanstalk” sunflowers in my backyard right now πŸ™‚

  7. Gosh..this is so good. Too good. I can’t believe all this came from a picture. You definitely need to do this more often!

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