Cut it, crimp it, dye it, tie it
Try a brand new doo
Mullet, spike it, how you like it
Dye it green or blue
Shave it, wave it, rat and spray it
Get a modern coiffe
Mousse it, spruce it, if you lose it
You can shave it off
Dread it, thread it, even shed it
Anyway you please
Bow it, show it, you can grow it
Right down to your knees
Pile it, style it, or beehive it
Put it in cornrows
Flip it, clip it, ‘stache your lip it
Or perhaps afroed
Free it, be it, or goatee it
Make it nice and chic
Bare it wear it care to Nair, don’t
wash it for a week
Braid it, plait it, or donate it
What best suits your mood
I don’t care, long as your hair
Don’t end up in my food.
Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth 
haha…you just reminded me of my sisters… often told her the same years back…
Yes. My daughter and I both have very thick hair and it ends up in food more times than I care to admit.
appears to be a global issue… never mind and pretend it was never there :))
Sounds good to me.
BAAHAHHAAA. So true!! It once happened to me in a diner at breakfast and I will never purge the memory of that little black hair on my eggs. Never.
Ah, gross. This was inspired by a story a friend told me recently about a diner who found a hair fully wrapped around a piece of bacon…Denny’s!
Oh, the horror!
Yep. Food is no place for hair. Nothing says ‘lost my appetite’ more than a strand of hair in my soup.
That is very true Tob!
I don’t mind the hair in my food just as long as it doesn’t more or shine
It’s not so much as long as it doesn’t get caught in my throat,l had to many things in my food even glass once or that shiny stuff from a scrubbie or even a twist tie
Sheldon
Well, you lived to tell the tale. This was inspired by a story of a woman who found hair in her food at a diner and the waitress said ” Well hair really isn’t that unsanitary.” I suppose you might agree?
Being someone who has been in the restaurant business all my life I’ve seen a lot worse
I’m sure you have!
My two-year old don’t seem to mind!
Reminds me what hairstyle or color for this summer shall I do? Time to do something about my graying hair!
Oh gosh, don’t even get my started on graying hair! The bane of my existence. Once you start dying it, there’s really no stopping.
That’s what everyone says! I dyed my hair blue once. My mom just kept nagging me about it. After a week, went back to black! Haven’t dyed it since. Now I’m thinking…
It seems like blue hair isn’t even that shocking nowadays!
Now, no. But with my very conservative mother, she was very shocked!
I thought you were talking about my erstwhile pet Briard there…I often wonder what became of him and his hair was always in my food…mind I once served up Shirley’s brother some microwaved Charlie dog food (the Briard was called Charlie by the way) because I didn’t like him and the fool ate it hair and all – True! Whatever you poem is not only splendid yet has triggered all these memories I’d quite forgotten!
My son and his friend once ate dog treats at a party. They said they were not very good. I wonder if Shirley’s brother would beg to differ? Or maybe the microwaving made all the difference?
He was ‘in drink’ at the time…seemed to enjoy though!
That may explain somewhat…
You’re really wanting me to feel envious, don’t you? (I just read Tom’s post.)
Hey, there’s something here for everyone.
Or wait, did you mean the comment I left on his post about wanting to be him? I only say that to humor him…shhhhh!!
I have no hair…I am envious.
I forgot the line about toupee-ing it!
Homie don’t cumbover and Homie don’t toupee.
I don’t blame Homie! He don’t play that!
LOL! Another winner from you! Are you old enough to remember the shampoo Long N Silky? I think not! Anyhow, I coveted the hair those women had and it was NOTHING like the Fran Drescher/Amy Winehouse hair we share. Yes, I just put our hair in the same category. You can slap me tomorrow night.
http://vintage-ads.livejournal.com/3393250.html
No, I don’t remember Long and Silky although I did follow that link. Does anyone really have hair like that? I do remember those, ‘I told a friend and she told a friend and so on and so on…’ Funny, I remember the commercial more than the brand. Had to Google it…Faberge…yep, looking forward to tomorrow.
That made me smile. I hadn’t thought of all the things you can do with your hair. Amazing
I know, once I started I just couldn’t stop. I even added a couple of stanzas just thinking of all the possibilities!
Oh Marissa – you never fail to delight with your prose!! I really didn’t see this ending coming 😀
I was trying to come up with a hair themed poem for some time. Finally, a friend told me a particularly disgusting tale of finding hair in food and, BAM! Inspiration struck!
I read a story once about how we glorify hair, stroke it, run our fingers through it and generally wax poetic about it …. until we find it in our food and then it becomes disgusting …. especially if it is someone else’s!!! 🙂
No idea is original!
Loved it Marissa. Amazing how many things one can do with and to one’s hair….such a defining feature of people’s personalities. Great post!
Yes, it really is when you think about it! Thank you!
Very nice riff, reminds me of “Hair” the musical song. I probably am not using the word “riff” correctly but you know what I mean…And on the subject of shampoo, per other comments, it brought back memories of the 70’s classic shampoo Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific. I could attract a lot of bees with that one, if not men!!!
Yes, I definitely did think about Hair the musical quite often and tried not to borrow from it too much. There was another comment about the 70s hair commercials and I’m personally hooked on the one where she says ‘I told a friend, and she told a friend…’ Think that was Faberge.
omg, I do recall that one, with the split screen–it seemed so cool then!
Yes, it did!
Ah, Marissa, here I was thinking, ‘How in the world is she thinking of so many ways to do hair?’ and I finally come to the end and you hit me with that? Now that’s exactly what it feels like to find a hair in your food!
Yes, well I researched this one well. As for the hair in the food, I really could have gotten a lot more graphic but I thought I’d spare the readers!
Gulp! Marissa, I think you might be a very scary girl if you let yourself! LOL!
Oh, don’t even get me started! I have to control myself sometimes!
Nah, Marissa, I won’t believe it. I am convinced you are sweetness and lightness all the way through!
I have found plenty of hair in food but the worst by far, was the giant, dirty toenail I once found in a tater tot. By found, I mean bit into. The Horror!
Oh gosh Kim! You win! That is the all time most disgusting experience I would ever want to have while eating? How did it get in there? Wait, I don’t want to know!
How did it get in there? That’s a question I’ve been asking for two decades. 🙂
Is that a picture from your Sisters Grimm days?
How did you know?
Very nice Marissa. If I find a hair at home, I know it’s ours and these heads are clean 🙂
But that happening somewhere else….. (gagging now).
Oh yes, for sure!
That is annoying; hair getting into your food.
It certainly is!
This is such true story with great facts – The title hair there and everywhere brings great perspective from all over…Interesting!!
Thank you!
By the way, I was thinking of you when I wrote tomorrow’s post.
I’m flattered. Actually away this weekend but doing my best to check out all posts!
As gross as hair in food is…….it’s better than someone’s finger nails. I had an iced cappucinno once. Drank clear to the BOTTOM and found a cup full of nail clippings. True story. Thought I was going to die. On. The. Spot.
Believe it or not, you are the second person to comment about having nail clippings in your food. Gross!
BLECH!!!!!!!! My stomach just rolled again. WHy do I keep retelling this? Let’s go back to hair.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you Benjamin! Same to you and yours!
Thanks. You’re welcome!
Wonderful–as always. Ever wonder why we only find hair in our food when the line was long and the service was longer and we’re desperately hungry and in a hurry and it’s just “fuck it,” so it’s hair, it was cooked. I’m just going to pull it out from between my teeth and proceed like nothing happened?
Yes, well, this was all inspired by a hair in food story related by a friend. The waitress’s response was ‘Well, you know, hair really isn’t that unsanitary.’ Perhaps, at times we should choose to agree.
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I am in total agreement. I am fascinated by what people do to their hair, but I do not want to eat it. Ever get a hair on your tongue and you can’t grab it and get it off and as it trails down your throat it makes you gag. I really hate that.
Oh yes, that’s happened to me. My husband, son and daughter all eat their hair…by choice! I don’t get it!
I have this feeling somewhere deep inside that you have at least tried each of these once. And I’m totally with the whole ‘not in my food’ comment… just.. no.
Maybe deep inside but actually, when it comes to hairstyles, I’m pretty conservative. It has, however, ended up in my food more times than I’d like to admit.
Nothing ruins a good dinner like a long strand of someone elses hair…
I loved this one! It reminded me of the Cowsills’ song, but even more creative. 😀
Oh yeah, I never heard it before but just looked it up. Isn’t that the song from the musical ‘Hair’?