A Fairly True Account Of Last Friday Night

Twas cold and cloudy so outside
Interminable wait
All for my child to perform
The hour it grew late

As I stood there shivering
So slowly passed the time
Suffering untuned guitars
Young children’s off key whines

When suddenly in front of me
My eyes would become locked
The women there before me had
A big bakery box

Which she promptly opened up
Before me she sat down
I saw it boasted the brand name
Of the best place in town

And when my eyes did catch the sight
I broke out in cold sweat
To see colossal layers dripping
In rich chocolate

My mind sped into over drive
With thoughts that would not cease
Of how I would insinuate
Myself to get a piece

But there was nothing I could say
And soon it became clear
That it would be my fate to watch
The whole cake disappear

With such eyerolls of pleasure from
Those who enjoyed it well
So suddenly I realized that
I must have gone to hell

So I dropped down to my knees
With great sorrow and grief
I promised God above I would
Turn over a new leaf

And asked him please to let this night
All just be a bad dream
And ask forgiveness for my sins
My soul to be redeemed

And somehow by some miracle
Damnation was prevented
Though some half eaten pieces left
(Don’t think I wasn’t tempted!!)

So now I try to just do good
And keep myself on track
For I have seen what hell is like
And I ain’t going back

A cold and dreary waiting room
With whining children plenty
And women who eat chocolate cake
And will not give you any

I would like to dedicate this post to Maida at Traversing Lines. I know you were trying to be optimistic but here is what my hellish Friday night was really like!! All for the kids, right?


66 thoughts on “A Fairly True Account Of Last Friday Night

  1. The diabetic’s lament by any other name…oh how irked I was when she came back this day with four bars of 80% cocoa dark, dark chocolate! Still was rather bad luck for you young Marissa!

  2. Not bad enough sitting there waiting for something to happen and then this? Someone upstairs was certainly not happy with you it seems. Am most impressed that you did manage to maintain your composure at least. But I notice you didn’t mention what you did directly after the show…

  3. That is the most unique version of hell I’ve read yet!! Thanks for the great laugh … although it sounds like it was somewhat less than fun for you 😉

  4. Heaven paved in Gold you can’t sell and Hell in Chocolate you can’t eat. That does make the transition from life less appealing. Loved the poem. My heart ached through the whole thing and then I ate a quart of chocolate ice cream to recover my emotions. 🙂

  5. I enjoy chocolate and would have maybe been braver than you were. I am one who will ask, “Do you think you will have any left over, just a small piece to help me from going crazy?”
    I don’t know why, but I have used situations after I turned 55 to give me the excuse, “oh well, they can only say no!” (My kids in their 30’s and baby is 29, look away and pretend I am not their Mom!)
    So sorry about purgatory being sitting in a room with whiny children and unattainable yummy cake! I will hope I make it to heaven… smiles!

    • If you had done that, you would have been my hero, only i would have probably been jealous of you as well. I do get braver as i get older. Unfortunately, im not that brave yet!!

  6. Wow Marissa, I feel your pain… If after watching the Christmas play at school, someone had chocolate cake and didn’t get a piece… oh my! 😀

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