A Slave to the Bottle

Mikey Mike was sure the girls simply would adore
Him if he smelled exactly like the Abercrombie store
So off he went with quest to win the hearts of maidens plenty
To secure the bottled smell that cost a pretty penny

He doused himself but the honeys noticed not at all
Except to say “Oh gosh it smells exactly like the mall!”
And Mikey was frustrated so but just figured he’d be
A charmer with the ladies if he doused more heavily

And soon the smell did permeate his bed sheets and his clothes
Until it was the only scent that dared come through his nose
His food would smell of his cologne it was all that he tasted
And it came to the point that applications were just wasted

For everybody knew that it would be the fires of hell
That would rid poor Mikey Mike of his incessant smell
Which may as well have had the title of Eau de le Sewer
And friends they come around quite less and girlfriends even fewer

Until one day a girl came round who did seem rather fetching
Who walked so proud on Mikey’s arm without even retching
At first no one could fathom what in Mikey she did see
And wondered if her nostrils weren’t working properly

But take a few steps closer and one could do more than assume
Her lover’s scent was blocked out by her own vile perfume.

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59 thoughts on “A Slave to the Bottle

  1. That smell really is awful, I can’t imagine how bad with a bucket of it! But maybe I can now thanks to this next big hit of yours.
    Eau de la Sewer indeed…

    • Oh yes, tell me about it! I really wouldn’t even enter an Abercrombie store, the smell, the loud music, the annoying people. In fact, I read an article that Abercrombie is losing a ton of money because the atmosphere just makes people want to leave! The prices are outrageous too!

  2. Fascinating…I did once work with a smartly dressed twit who stunk! Then along came the firms Christmas party. He and his wife attended…they both chucked up something rotten yet had know idea it was thus! You see there is someone out there for every one of us. Regards, ‘Mike’

  3. This poem made my eyes water and sinuses seize up in panic … attack of the over-perfumed!

    I love the ending. They are perfectly matched … to the detriment of everyone else around πŸ™‚

  4. This was the unpredictable ending I’d expect from you and yet I didn’t see it coming. But remember your promise to me? We agreed you’d put a little asterisk at the bottom and then write what inspired you. I am really curious about this one!

    • Stephanie, i want you to know that after you asked me to put the asterik with the inspiration after each blog, i did it for the next three blogs i wrote and i don’t think you read any of them, so i stopped doing it! Anyway, I’m always honored to have you read my blog and understand when you can’t.

      • OMG! My mother had hip replacement surgery and I did miss a ton so now I will hunt them down. I wonder if people were like –“why does she think we need to know this?” Because your one nosy follower wasn’t there to comment on it. Will find…. Thanks for the compliance!

      • Maybe. A lot of people just commented back on the note, really. I guess it gave them an aspect of the blog to take in beyond the poetry so it really was fine. Just when I saw you weren’t on much I thought I might as well stop.

  5. This is terrifically on-point in this house where neither one of us can take much perfume. My husband’s eyes run from it actually and he never wears the stuff, thank God. We were out to eat recently and the waiter must have been the muse for this poem. He was redolent of something powerful.

    • Yes, I particularly dislike it when I’m eating. It seems to overpower the taste of the food. There is a foreign community that is prevalent where I live (I won’t mention which one) that likes to douse in colognes and perfumes, and every time I go to the school yard to pick my daughter up, it positively stinks!!

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