Aunt Francine the coupon queen
Oh what a lovely lady
Although obsessed with coupon cutting
On the verge of crazy
For her, desire mattered not
Nor food or clothes she’s craving
Cared not for objects she secured
Twas more about the saving
Her house was filled with useless junk
Of which I’d just soon scoff
She proudly would show off her wares
And brag, “50cents off!!”
When at the age of 82
And happily a-snipping
The scissor an appendage now
Due to all the clipping
When she became excited so
That she could hardly speak
For she found double coupons on
A triple coupon week
She got up from her armchair and
With glee she did a dance
But it proved too much for her heart
They called an ambulance
Doc cried out in the hospital
And dear Francine she cried “I’ve got
a coupon for that!”
And then she fell on back into
That old hospital bed
For those rueful six words would be
The last ones that she said
I saw unto her burial
The plans that must be made
Luckily the funeral
All had been prepaid
The undertaker recalled her
He said twas not too often
Do they get in a customer
With coupons for a coffin
We buried poor Francine next day
Hearts heavy with the weight
Unlike her coupons she did reach
Her expiration date
And I expect St. Peter was
Put in a strange position
As at the gates she offered vouchers
Half price off admission
A few weeks in we gathered round
To divide her estate
We waited eagerly to hear
What to each she’d donate
And happy as a clam was I
Could scarce believe my luck
As my share would be near the tune
Of a million bucks
But great my disappointment was
And such was my remorse
To find that this was all to be
In clipped coupons of course
And that was all that dear Francine
Had left me in her will
And I know she’s up there watching me
And clipping coupons still.
61 thoughts on “Aunt Francine The Coupon Queen”
I feel some estate planning coming on…
Yep, and you would think with all that money she was saving…
gwahahhaa! Funny, funny funny!!! I’ll have to tell you about my dumpster diving days, actually. I kept half of east Houston in coupons for a while. Loved it! 🙂
Thanks Doreen! I’m sure you could do a dumpster diving blog with some coupons stories thrown in for extra eccentricity factor!!
Hey, eccentricity is what I DO! 🙂 🙂 🙂
And you do it so well!
Hahaha! Very funny!!!!
Rest in peace, Aunt Francine! I’ve got a close friend who does this – clipping coupons. It’s insane. You should see her cupboard!
I’ll send you an accordion file folder – for your coupons! 😉
What every coupon clipper needs. Yep, I had a neighbor who was a crazy coupon clipper. Once she got back from the store with bags of groceries and was bragging how they cost her only 98 cents.
I kinda envy them but at the same time do not. I don’t know how they cope with all the coupons!!! Plus all the ‘excess’ things bought just because she’s got a coupon!
I know what you mean. Sometimes I go in somewhere and I buy an item and the person in front of me has a coupon and I’m like ‘where did you get that?’ On the other hand, if that person is a crazy couponer, you can just tell yourself that she also must surely be a hoarder (feel better, feel better).
Oh yeah I feel better! I don’t like to hoard – especially if they’re not chocolates! Haha!
Should made her an eco friendly coffin by making one out of coupon paper mache! I’m full of useful tips and ideas me!
Wow, that would have been awesome. I was thinking of throwing in a line about burying her with the coupons but I think the paper mache coffin beats all!
Got a bamboo one for my Dad when he snuffed it…only problem was it was a bit ‘see through’…still eco friendly enough I guess!
I think this is going to trigger a lot of memories about people we know who are like that. For me, it was my dad. He LOVED a bargain. 🙂
Wow Joanne! You know, it’s rare that men are the coupon clippers. Good for your mom! Everyone in my family appreciates a good coupon but no one is so coupon crazy. I did have a neighbor once who would have fit the bill.
My dad was one of a kind 😉
A lovely poem, I don’t find rhyming very much these days, you have done an excellent job here, perfect rhyme and meter! Cheers.
Thank you so much! I’ve been working on my meter a lot lately so your words mean a lot!
That is hilarious!
Thank you Phil! Right, we don’t need no stinking meter…or do we?
I don’t need no stinkin meter because I don’t know what that means in relation to poetry.
You’re better off not knowing!
Meter, meter pumpkin eater!
You are going to have to pry the scizzors from my cold dead hands
I should have added a line about that being engraved on her tombstone.
Marissa, your ability to put such clever stories to rhymes is amazing!
Thank you Christy!
Oh, Marissa! Maybe a new favorite of mine. Maybe. There’s a couple lines in here I particularly love: The scissor an appendange now! And “double coupons on a triple coupon week!” Oh yes, that could induce a heart attack. This is priceless…..no coupon required.
Thank you for taking the time to appreciate it. I’m glad you liked it!
Beautiful work here, Marissa. I think the next stop after Coupon Clippers Deluxe is Hoarders. Too much stuff, not enough room. 🙂
I suppose that could be a side effect!
I love the idea of you getting coupons,I can picture the aunt laughing great piece
Thank you! I never go quite this crazy but I’ve known many who do!
Brilliant – funny and touching at the same time. Spend your inheritance wisely.
I don’t have much choice, do I?
“Unlike her coupons she did reach Her expiration date”. Always funny, smart and unique. Want to split 30 gallons of peanut butter with me? I have a coupon for buy 20 get 10 free!
You know, at the rate we go through peanut butter in this house, that’s not nearly as ridiculous as you would think! Thanks Kim!
This is pure genius! I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Seriously! If only I’d used my coupon for tissues… (I’ve actually known a couple of people like this, too. You nailed it!) ❤
Thank you! Hopefully the print wouldn’t come off on your face wiping those tears. I could only imagine you with a smudged ’50 cents off’ across your forehead.
A great tribute to Aunt Franchine. Now she is immortal.
Thanks Ron! I feel so much better knowing that!!
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
HILARIOUS—REMINDS ME OF MY MOTHER, 😀
My Mom and Dad got their tombstone on sale and Dad got the visiting hours room gratis…but then he HAD brought a lot of business to the Shea Funeral Home in Binghamton, New York, as a hospital Chaplain !
A preferred customer… Gotta love it!
She MUST be the lady who’s head stone reads “I got this headstone for 70% off!” in a local cemetery. True story!!!!! 🙂
That’s my woman right there!! I was thinking of making a head stone message. It kind of morphed into the line about the expiration date. Now, thinking back, that would have been a great ending…instead of the clipped coupons in the will, maybe a 2 for 1 on the coffins!!!
🙂 I wish I had a picture of that headstone. I may have, somewhere. It’s not too far from here. But I’m sure if you googled it you’d get all kinds of stuff like that. I think you ended it just perfect. Though a coupon for a 2 for 1 on the coffin could be an addendum ……. 😉
This is perfect! For some reason, I’ve been enjoying your most recent verses so much more…..you seem to be coming up with a lot of characters that I either already know or want to meet! 🙂
Yes, I try to find real life characters and just exaggerate them into caricatures. Glad you are enjoying them!
Hehehehehehehe I laughed all the way through this. I am NOT a coupon saver, thank goodness. I have known people who are, and the TIME they spend clipping is mind boggling. Tee hee …. Another great, Marissa. Thank YOU for the laugh!!! Love, Amy
Yes, I suppose it can get to be an obsession but thankfully I never ‘caught it’ myself. Glad you liked the verse.
Correction. LOVED it, Marissa. LOL
Very very funny!! 🙂
Sad and humorous, but she lived doing what she liked best. So rich Francine.
That is true!