Aunt Francine The Coupon Queen

Aunt Francine the coupon queen
Oh what a lovely lady
Although obsessed with coupon cutting
On the verge of crazy

For her, desire mattered not
Nor food or clothes she’s craving
Cared not for objects she secured
Twas more about the saving

Her house was filled with useless junk
Of which I’d just soon scoff
She proudly would show off her wares
And brag, “50cents off!!”

When at the age of 82
And happily a-snipping
The scissor an appendage now
Due to all the clipping

When she became excited so
That she could hardly speak
For she found double coupons on
A triple coupon week

She got up from her armchair and
With glee she did a dance
But it proved too much for her heart
They called an ambulance

Doc cried out in the hospital
“Defibrillator stat!”
And dear Francine she cried “I’ve got
a coupon for that!”

And then she fell on back into
That old hospital bed
For those rueful six words would be
The last ones that she said

I saw unto her burial
The plans that must be made
Luckily the funeral
All had been prepaid

The undertaker recalled her
He said twas not too often
Do they get in a customer
With coupons for a coffin

We buried poor Francine next day
Hearts heavy with the weight
Unlike her coupons she did reach
Her expiration date

And I expect St. Peter was
Put in a strange position
As at the gates she offered vouchers
Half price off admission

A few weeks in we gathered round
To divide her estate
We waited eagerly to hear
What to each she’d donate

And happy as a clam was I
Could scarce believe my luck
As my share would be near the tune
Of a million bucks

But great my disappointment was
And such was my remorse
To find that this was all to be
In clipped coupons of course

And that was all that dear Francine
Had left me in her will
And I know she’s up there watching me
And clipping coupons still.


61 thoughts on “Aunt Francine The Coupon Queen

    • What every coupon clipper needs. Yep, I had a neighbor who was a crazy coupon clipper. Once she got back from the store with bags of groceries and was bragging how they cost her only 98 cents.

      • I kinda envy them but at the same time do not. I don’t know how they cope with all the coupons!!! Plus all the ‘excess’ things bought just because she’s got a coupon!

      • I know what you mean. Sometimes I go in somewhere and I buy an item and the person in front of me has a coupon and I’m like ‘where did you get that?’ On the other hand, if that person is a crazy couponer, you can just tell yourself that she also must surely be a hoarder (feel better, feel better).

  1. A lovely poem, I don’t find rhyming very much these days, you have done an excellent job here, perfect rhyme and meter! Cheers.

  2. Oh, Marissa! Maybe a new favorite of mine. Maybe. There’s a couple lines in here I particularly love: The scissor an appendange now! And “double coupons on a triple coupon week!” Oh yes, that could induce a heart attack. This is priceless… coupon required.

  3. “Unlike her coupons she did reach Her expiration date”. Always funny, smart and unique. Want to split 30 gallons of peanut butter with me? I have a coupon for buy 20 get 10 free!

  4. This is pure genius! I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Seriously! If only I’d used my coupon for tissues… (I’ve actually known a couple of people like this, too. You nailed it!) ❀

  5. My Mom and Dad got their tombstone on sale and Dad got the visiting hours room gratis…but then he HAD brought a lot of business to the Shea Funeral Home in Binghamton, New York, as a hospital Chaplain !

    • That’s my woman right there!! I was thinking of making a head stone message. It kind of morphed into the line about the expiration date. Now, thinking back, that would have been a great ending…instead of the clipped coupons in the will, maybe a 2 for 1 on the coffins!!!

  6. This is perfect! For some reason, I’ve been enjoying your most recent verses so much more… seem to be coming up with a lot of characters that I either already know or want to meet! πŸ™‚

  7. Hehehehehehehe I laughed all the way through this. I am NOT a coupon saver, thank goodness. I have known people who are, and the TIME they spend clipping is mind boggling. Tee hee …. Another great, Marissa. Thank YOU for the laugh!!! Love, Amy

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