The Woes of A Bargain Shopper

A pair of crazy sunglasses,
A candle for a cake,
A plastic toy for my daughter,
Which will most likely break.

A pack of colored condoms,
An egg coloring kit,
A matching bra and panty set,
That may or may not fit.

Suspicious off brand batteries,
A dingy dinner plate,
Christmas candy bordering on,
It’s expiration date.

A bottle of green nail polish,
Which appears slightly used,
Vitamins and meds not quite,
FDA approved.

But either way I’m buying it,
On that I am intent,
How can I afford not to when,
They’re just 99 cents?

And going to the check out stand,
I can’t believe my luck,
Until my bill is totaled and,
Comes to 99 bucks.


52 thoughts on “The Woes of A Bargain Shopper

    • Funny enough, I ended my Costco membership because it was rarely worth it to buy in bulk to such an extent. If I need something from Costco, I just ask my mother to pick it up. But, yes, when you consider the poor quality and inanity of what you are buying, the whole idea of bargain shopping becomes a bit ironic!

  1. That’s horrible, I know! I shop at 99cents store for my office supplies and I take my kids with me too. I don’t spend less than $30! Argh! I kept thinking, it’s only 99cents!

    • I wonder that myself! I think a lot of it is stuff on the verge of being recalled, expired, things that just didn’t sell well, and things companies want to put out as promo items. Plus, of course, really cheaply made s***!

  2. Try the ear buds for a dollar. It’s a miracle that they don’t break just trying to pry them from the blister pack.

    • I suppose so…which is not to say that these dollar stores aren’t good for something, you just have to learn for what, and also to be a bit discriminating because after a while, even 99 cents adds up!

  3. Ah, this great and tragic truth is a great laugh. I learned this lesson as I was preparing to travel for the first time out of my state (I live in the US). I thought I was getting the best deal on earth. Yeeeah lol

    • Well, Sheldon, I think the secret is to be very focused. If I know exactly what I want and just go right to the aisle and buy it and leave, I’m okay. Once I start wandering around…then I’m in trouble!

  4. My favorite place in any store is my dollar is worth more. A dangerous place is Dollar Tree, at least that’s true when it comes to me. (ok, I blame you.. the rhythm, the rhyme… it’s definitely your fault.. this time.)

  5. Sounds like you overdosed on the condoms 😁. I have heard it so many times “we can save so much money. Its x% off.” Marketing works. But I’m a good husband. I save so my wife can spend.

  6. Very funny Marissa!!
    Only once in my life I manage to spend less that 22 euros in those kind of stores… It’s like they KNOW you’ll buy at least 22 euros of crap every time you visit. πŸ˜€

  7. Ooh, I love this post, but you could probably already guess that! I actually watched a 20/20 episode recently that did an expose on discount goods. Apparently, some of those “name brand” $1 store items are fakes. It’s hard to believe it would be worth making a counterfeit product that sells for $1 dollar, but it’s true. I saw the episode on Hulu. Very interesting…

  8. Oh, I hate it when that happens! But I don’t think I’d trust 99 cent condoms! Also, I never buy off-brand batteries. Once I started having to buy lithium for my camera flashes, I never turned back for anything else. πŸ˜‰ Great poem, yet again! πŸ˜€

    BTW, if you’re still interesting in being a beta reader, I need your email address, please. πŸ™‚ If not, I understand… everyone gets busy without planning on it sometimes. πŸ™‚

  9. I don’t know why but I am highly amused that you put condoms and batteries in the same category in one of your comments. As for your post – – one of my faves of yours! Terrifically colorful language – – and not just for coloring eggs. I am a $1.00 Tree shopper (guess I’m just the big spender between us, huh?) and one time for my twin’s Bar Mitzvah (which was Hollywood themed. Twinseltown! Get it?) I found these amazing full color, high quality, coffee table books depicting every year at the Oscars! They were marked (like books are always pre-priced) $39.99 in the back. Well, guess who went around to every dollar store in San Diego collecting 150 of them? Each guest went home with a very classy party favor that night!

    • Nice! That is quite a find! Aren’t you persistent! It would never occur to me that an item would be in more than one branch of the store even. Sometimes they’re not. You’re very lucky!

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