A toaster, an electric knife,
Boots that you abhor,
A whole season’s DVDs,
Of ‘The Jersey Shore’.

Self help books on etiquette, or,
Raising self esteem,
A doorknob, a spatula,
Anti wrinkle cream.

A dirty sweater with a stain,
A calorie chart,
A stale and moldy fruitcake,
A gift card for Kmart.

An ugly tie with fish on it,
A picture that won’t hang,
A collection of each song,
Bruce Willis ever sang.

A day for dumpster diving,
Prepare to go deep,
Among gift wrap and turkey legs,
To dig up those receipts.



48 thoughts on “Inventory

  1. Never had a doorknob gift! That’s actually a good one since my hubby keep breaking ours! Also a spatula… we keep looking for a mini spatula for our mini frying pan! You know those that are good for frying only one egg? Lol

    • You know when I was trying to write the poem I was googling ‘worst Christmas gifts’ for inspiration and those items were both on the list. Maybe you should contact those people for a trade!

      • Although come to think of it, doorknobs are a wee bit personal. It may actually be a romantic gift for symbolic purposes. Or maybe that’s just me! πŸ˜‰

  2. What’s the worst gift you’ve ever actually received? I once got a red sweater with a velvet black panther on it. It’s tail wrapped around the back and curled up on to the arm. Ohh…and it had bejeweled eyes. Meow!

    • I can’t think of any. Usually my gifts come from people who know me too well to give me bad gifts. My sister, on the other hand, works as a teacher so she is always getting bad gifts. Once she got a towel. That sweater though, oh goodness….yikes!!

  3. Oh, this is too funny. This right here is why we just don’t do Christmas anymore, in the traditional sense. Such a waste of presents with so much garbage. I can’t tell you how many times I dumped my “presents” in the garbage. LOL Great poem again, Marissa!!! Love, Amy

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