It’s My Son’s Party And I’ll Hide In My Bedroom If I Want To

I write this from my bedroom,
Safe under lock and key,
Sitting just feet away from,
My son’s birthday party.

And if there’s any doubt as to,
What trouble may await,
Allow me to take this moment,
As I elaborate.

For things are truly sinister,
Beneath all of this joy,
I could get smothered by the scent,
Of prepubescent boy.

Or maybe all is going well,
Until I hear a cry,
Cause it’s all fun and games until,
Someone loses an eye.

Or maybe one precocious boy,
Starts giving me some lip,
And while I am cutting the cake,
The knife suddenly slips.

And maybe his mother’s a bit
Too anal retentive,
As she gets upset over the fact,
I wasn’t more attentive.

Or perhaps it is this woman,
Deserving of abuse,
As she cheaped out on a gift card,
My son couldn’t even use.

Somehow I made it through the night,
And emerged in good graces,
By throwing cupcakes in their mouths,
And pizza in their faces.

But I did not a barter my soul,
No deals with the devil,
And though my son showed gratitude,
I deserved a medal!

Or maybe one of those dumb shirts,
For a night so gnarly,
Printed with the words “I survived…
My son’s 12th birthday party.”


40 thoughts on “It’s My Son’s Party And I’ll Hide In My Bedroom If I Want To

  1. Love the word ‘gnarly’ – haven’t heard that for years! However young Marissa you have left them alone while you sit in safe solitude. Insane – they will trash your house you know that!

    • Yes, not even sure if gnarly was in the ‘English’ meaning ‘British’ language. For some reason, I just can’t hear a Brit saying ‘Gnarly dude!’

      You know, I just think, even if the trash the house, I would rather just deal with the mess after than deal with them in the present!

  2. Your poem is an awesome read! It brought back memories to this old guy but made me feel a lot older than I am……………………. (wink)

    • Thanks Stephanie. The whole bar mitzvah thing has been a conversation in out house. I think the plan at the moment is to just send all or our out of state relatives invitations so that they can decline and send money.

  3. Well done on surviving! And I do wonder if we ever forget that prepubescent boy scent……which, of course, is quickly replaced by the pubescent boy scent which I know all of us would like to forget! A party of boys this age is not only something to survive but also entitles you to medal of honour along with that t-shirt!

  4. Congrats for surviving!! You do deserve a medal. Was it a slumber party? I keep thinking about how I was always begging my parents to let me have a slumber party when I was young and they never did, except once, and how we stayed up all night (and the shenanigans that went on at other friends’ slumber parties) and now I dread the day either of my girls asks me for that πŸ˜›

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