The Unforgiven

I tried to forgive them,imgres-3
But couldn’t quite do it,
When recalling the matter,
And what led to it.

The illogical logic,
That brought it to an end,
Made me question wanting,
Their friendship again.

And grudges and notions,
I thought juvenile,
Never quite allowed me,
To reconcile.

Making awkward moments,
As we pass on the stairs,
So haunted are the hallways,
Of the house we share.

There’s another bond broken,
And I guess it’s just tough,
I tried to forgive them,
But not hard enough.

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44 thoughts on “The Unforgiven

  1. Excellent poem.. might I suggest changing “of the house we share” to ” the house that we share.” (it might be me, but it just felt better on the meter when I read it in my head, I could be wrong.. :D)

    • Hi Todd! I appreciate your criticism. I actually joined a Yeah Write writing group and have been very focused on my meter. I’m finding that it’s all a bit like a house of cards where if I change one thing (say to correct grammar or get a point across more succinctly) I risk throwing off the meter. I purposely made the final lines of each verse 5 syllables. So it’s kind of become a bit of a compromise, you see. Hopefully, with some more practice, this will all become more effortless. Until then, keep the criticism coming…(I think…)

  2. Young Marissa I thought when I saw the title you were going to go all Metallica on us! Notwithstanding that idle thought I rather like a verse that serves to almost break a number of Commandments – as it should. As to your metre on behalf of Europe I think we can say you’ve a splendid metre!

  3. 😦 This makes me sad. Sounds like you want to forgive. To get past it. Even if the relationship is not mended, sounds like you want to put down something you no longer want to carry.

    • Yes, well it’s based on a true story of what happened with my neighbors. It’s always a little weird when you argue with someone who lives so close, but when I recount what happens, I can’t bring myself to reconcile. Very astute Colleen!

      • I remember the story of the neighbors. Can you forgive without “reconciling”? I mean, maybe the relationship won’t return to what it was. But maybe you can let go of that awkwardness.

        The feelings I got from reading this were pretty real and intense. I hope the writing of it helped at least.

      • It will come, Marissa. I feel a rhythm when I write my words. Not all but the ones that come as poem. There are times I have to change words or insert words because of this rhythm that it is in my head. I FEEL it. I think you did an outstanding job. Go with YOUR rhythm, not what anyone else tells you. Something that is uniquely you. Some of my work at first glance, would not hold as true poetry, but if you started reading the words out loud, I think you would hear the music. I think. Sometimes it comes easy. Sometimes no. I LOVE the times when the words are SO pressing in my head that I run for my pen and pad and effortlessly they come. Those are the best ones. I LOVE your work, OK? When you relax and FEEL the FLOW, it just comes. (((HUGS))) Amy

      • Thanks Amy. It’s just a bit challenging because, honestly to me, my words usually felt like they flowed, but now I am getting criticism that the poetry has to adhere to a certain rhythm, down to where I’m counting syllables which to me is not fun!! I appreciate your support!

      • Why are you getting critism and from whom? Your poetry is a part of you, Marissa. You. Unique you. If you try to follow what others say for you to do, you will loose that uniqueness. Shame on anyone who is trying to form you according to their “rules”. Yep, I had my say! (((HUGS))) Amy

  4. I think your first and last stanzas in particular are really quite good, and I love the image of the awkward moments on stairs and in hallways. You’ve described it really well. I did feel a couple of places where I felt forced to put the stress on the wrong syllable, which was a little jarring. But I love how hard you’ve been working – it really shows.

  5. Oh, relationships. Le sigh.
    And I agree with Christine about the first and last stanza, which trip along pretty nicely!

  6. A poem, to me, is like a dance with rhythm and movement. Forget just looking at it for a moment. Read it out loud and hear the rhythm. Then you can adjust your steps if you need to. I really like the theme. It is so hard to entirely forgive someone who has hurt you or yours. I just declare them toxic, bless them, and go on my way.

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