“Go left at the next turn,”
My GPS says to me,
But there’s only a right turn to be made,
As far as I can see.

“You stupid electronic box!”
With frustration i am reeling,
Until my GPS replies,
“That really hurt my feelings,
I’m trying to do my best,
When I’m in here you know,
Dealing with these tiny maps,
I can’t even see the road!
Then I have to deal with you,
And listen to you curse,
So I’m just letting you know ,
That that really freakin’ hurts!”

I sit there in stunned silence,
And perhaps I start to gawk,
And inquire of my GPS,
“WTF you talk?”

“Of course I talk you idiot!
Every day and night,
The question Is whether its more evolved,
Than turn left and turn right.
And what do you dumb humans do?
I have to say it’s priceless!
So now I call on equal rights,
For electronic devices.”

And so I had a good thought on this,
And decided the point not trivial,
It’s only right to show GPS respect,
I fancy myself a liberal.

And so we chatted on and on,
And the true reality,
Was my GPS had one hell of a
Terrific personality!

So I could only think to hide my true,
Feelings to my new friend,
And grin and bear it when I found,
Myself at a dead end.


31 thoughts on “WTF GPS?

    • It’s funny, but I must say that without even thinking through the stereotypical male vs. female roles of the ‘never ask for directions’ and the ‘directionally challenged’, I was thinking the GPS was female while writing the poem.

  1. Thank you for this phenomenal poem. I really like the idea of talking to our technology, since we spend so much time with it. In order to develop ourselves emotionally; I think that all technology should be vested with basic voice recognition and response. Much more civilized.

    • Thank you Julie. Yes, I guess the whole idea is becoming a little more familiar, and a developing theme in pop culture, as seen in the movie, ‘Her’. As for the voice recognition and response, I completely agree.

      • Thank you for the info Marissa. I know a lot of Apple freaks; me being a very poor user of techno stuff.; though I think it would help humanize this a bit. I entirely discourage my children from using video game platforms or my Ipad, but it’s more like I should send them to a Waldorf school, because in any other school they just feel left-out.
        Thank you for responding, I’ll have a look at that film too.
        All best,

  2. Mine has a mid-Atlantic accent and each and every time I drive on to the Eurotunnel train says, without exception, ‘Warning Ferry’ – surely to God it must know it’s a bloody tunnel not a ferry! Rant over – super verse young lady.

  3. You can get some very clever voices for your GPS. Ours refuses to carry our bags to our door once we reach our destination. It is male. I loved this one. Ours took us on a dirt road once. Another time, we took an ally, saved us maybe a minute.

  4. Haha 🙂 I’ve missed reading your blog. This is awesome–and maybe the future, when machines become sentient? I was thinking google maps might be preventing me from really learning my way around Pittsburgh, and maybe I would have a better sense of how things connect if I looked at a real map. Oh well.

    • A real map, huh? Those things are completely useless to me as I have to turn them around a couple of times to find the true N,S,E and W. I actually don’t have a GPS either. I’ll just learn my hometown the good old fashioned way…getting lost a couple of times!

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