I Sold My Soul To The Devil And Now He Wants A Refund

I had been here before, a long time ago,
Where I knew he would appear again,
He said “I see you are ready to do some bargaining,
What will it be this time my friend?
I can grant you all the best things in life,
Money and clothes so fine,
A voice like a dove, fingers of gold,
If only your soul would be mine.”

And so a life I lead so amazing,
I could scarcely believe,
Knowing all the time what was awaiting me,
For what I had achieved.
When came the day of reckoning,
And down to the pit I would descend,
Waiting to suffer for all eternity,
The price I would pay in the end.

And the heat it was hot, and the people were mean,
And the days were full of torture and pain,
So I thought I’d go directly to Satan himself every day,
To bitterly complain.
I said, “How do you put up with this heat?”
I said “The people here really suck!”
I said “My soul is worth more than this!
This is no kind of deal, now I’m stuck!”

And the devil he tried to avoid me,
But I can be pretty persistent,
He said, “Look lady, a deals a deal.”
But I became very insistent.
Until one day steam came from his ears,
And his horns began to twitch,
And he called among the highest orders,
“Save me from this bitch!”

He said I could keep my money,
He said I could keep my fancy home,
He said I could keep the all the fineries,
If I’d just leave him alone.
And he looked up to the heavens and said,
“You want her? Come retrieve her!”
But I guess it was no small surprise,
They didn’t want me either.

And they even pointed to the fine print,
And said “The deals been done,
No refunds or exchanges after 30 days,
And it’s been 31.”
So there was only one thing left to do,
To stick me in a private suite,
Roomy and air conditioned,
Nothing short of heavenly.

And at my insistence, a sign on the door,
Of the digs where I would eternally dwell,
‘The devil’s finally met his match,
This bitch sure can raise some hell!”



45 thoughts on “I Sold My Soul To The Devil And Now He Wants A Refund

  1. Hah. What is this? Are you worried about your Misspent Youth fearing not so Glorious Results and plotting how to get better accommodation? This is a riot!

  2. Pingback: “The Angel” – The 18th of March 1963 – Milwaukee, Wisconsin | Forgotten Correspondence

    • And you, of course, are seeking salvation in your iPhone by reading blogs. Well, glad to be of assistance! Hopefully it will all be over soon. Believe me when I say, I feel your pain!

  3. I love it! He would have had no problem in Nordstrom. But hey, were all the tags still intact? Or did the devil try to wear your soul just once to a wedding (funeral?) and think he could pull the wool over your eyes? Wait, not wool–you have a silky soul, yes?

    • I sincerely doubt the tags were still intact after 31 days, but he’s a sharp one, that Devil! Probably could have gotten away with it if it was anyone but me. I think there’s actually a picture of him up in Nordstrom with a warning about trying to pass phony checks though. As for my soul, I’d say it was leather or vinyl, but more likely a flimsy polyester!

  4. Again, you amaze me, Marissa. I do have news for you though. I “see” your Heart, and so does Heaven, and where you are headin’ aint no hell, but HEAVEN. (smile) Great poem!! (((HUGS))) Amy

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