Cover Letter of A Dropout Musician Mom

Dear Mr. Big Fat Shithead,

My name is Marissa Bergen and I am very interested in the open position your company has available.

I see you are looking for someone with a college education. You will be pleased to know that I attended college for quite some time before I realized that it was a huge, boring waste of my time. After that I furthered my education by teaching myself to play the guitar, writing songs, and reading books because I actually wanted to read them, not because they were assigned to me.

I developed marketing and people skills by booking and promoting my own rock band. I also proved myself to be a self starter and entrepreneur when I opened my own candy store and coat check business inside a rock n’ roll night club where I made more money selling Blow Pops to stoners than I will ever make at your stinkin’ job.

Now I am a mother of 2 children. Every day I get them to school on time, make sure they are dressed, clean, fed, and that their homework is completed. So sorry if I am a bit insulted when you question my abilities to be hard working, prompt, reliable, organized and detail oriented.

Please see attached for my resume. Fuck you very much for your time and consideration.

-Marissa Bergen
323-555-1885

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15 thoughts on “Cover Letter of A Dropout Musician Mom

  1. I love this poem….yes the “What The Employer Wants” list is a rather one-sided judgmental power play on their part. Many would-be great employees are over looked, and many good ones that are hired are never paid what they are worth. I interviewed with a Big Soft Drink Company in the 1990s where the presumptuous executive told me that “you would never have a chance to be in management here.” Well thank you sir!

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