The Modern Teenager’s Guide To Pissing Off Your Parents

Dear Children,

Pretty soon you will be teenagers. This is a time when, for some reason unfathomable to yourself, but more than likely due to an overwhelming amount of hormones coupled with an enormous lack of reason, you will want to rebel against your parents. Well, I have to tell you, it’s not going to be easy.

I mean, you could listen to really loud obnoxious rock music, but don’t mom and dad listen to that music themselves? You could dress inappropriately, but have you taken a look at mom’s hemlines on those mini skirts? I think that passed appropriate about 5 inches ago. And I somehow think all things proper and suitable took a two step out of dad’s closet when they got a look at that Venom shirt with the naked nun and the quote about Satan’s vomit. And remember that long haired, Catholic guy with the tattoos that wanted to make a living as a rock star that mom brought home to her Jewish parents? Well now he’s your dad. There is the occasional experimentation but, yep, been there, done that, and I wonder if the fact that marijuana is practically legal has somehow robbed the old wacky tobacky of some of it’s allure.

Well kids, other than eating the odd polyunsaturated fat every now and then, I came up with two things you could do to piss off the old parental units, but I must warn you that they are so heinous, so atrocious, they may well get you kicked out their house forever; and above all shhhh….don’t tell them I told you so!

1.Become a homophobic Republican

2. Listen to Justin Beiber
– A Concerned Adult
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4 thoughts on “The Modern Teenager’s Guide To Pissing Off Your Parents

  1. A super-cool friend of mine went into shock when, despite her carefully uber-hip childrearing, her son became an optomotrist!

  2. THIS IS REALLY funny! We actually had same thoughts when the “big rebellion” of his teen years was he went out and began going to church (not that we’re against church just that it was a different church than we dealt with). It’s pretty bad, isn’t it, when the only way they can rebel is by doing “good” things?

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