Why I Don’t Find Amusement Parks Amusing

If you read my recently published blog on Chuck E. Cheese, I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that I am also not a great fan of amusement parks. Yet, every year, on my son’s birthday, for lack of anything more spectacular to do, we end up there. Of course, it is my son’s birthday and I want to be a good sport and tag along, but sooner or later the mantra starts going through my head repeatedly, “I shouldn’t have come”. Especially when you consider the phenomenal cost.

The thing is, if you are going to an amusement park, there are two things you better like to do more than going on roller coasters and those are walk and wait because you will be doing a lot more walking and waiting than roller coaster riding.

Anyway, here’s a bit of what our day looks like:

1)The Wait to Go Into The Parking Lot-where we are undoubtably sitting behind someone who forgot his wallet, has to ask a million questions to the attendant, or being waited on by an attendant who does not know what he/ she is doing
2)The Walk to the Amusement Park-Wherein I inevitably discover why I made a really bad choice when picking out my shoes that day
3)The Wait to Get Into the Amusement Park-Wherein we nearly get trampled by a bunch of rednecks who are seemingly already drunk even though it’s only 10 o’ clock in the morning

Now for a little bit of a diversion, it’s decision time wherein we discover that none of us wants to go on any of the same rides. For my daughter it’s Tiny Tots Town, for my husband it’s the huge roller coaster, for my son it’s anything but the Tiny Tots Town and the huge roller coaster and for me it’s anything that will get anyone else to shut the hell up. So as a compromise, we end up going on a lot of spinny rides which inevitably leads to The Nausea, but I am getting ahead of myself.

So now that we’ve made a decision we are off on The Walk to Find the Rides. This could also potentially become The Walk Where We Got Lost Trying to Find the Rides or The Walk We Took To Find the Rides Only To Discover That They Are Closed. But assuming that everything turns out as it should, we are now onto The Wait To Go On The Ride.

Now a few things to be said about The Wait To  Go On The Ride. Firstly, you better learn to like that family standing in front of you with their fourteen snot nosed kids because you are going to be seeing a lot of them in the course of the next 45 minutes. Also, you are going to have to have grown a real affection for them when you learn that each of their fourteen children will be riding in their own separate cars when they go on the flume.

I guess by now you are getting a pretty good idea how our day goes, so let me just jump ahead to the end of the day. We are all hot, tired of waiting, have spent entirely too much money, our feet hurt, and we are all thoroughly, revoltingly nauseous. It is at this point when me and my husband may, for whatever reason, but more than likely because we are lost for the umpteenth time, begin to argue. Of course we both feel bad about this, being that it is our son’s birthday and all, and quickly pull it together. I am looking around to see if anyone noticed our momentary lapse of reason when I see another couple arguing.

It is at this point that the man gets up on his tip-toes, presumably to overshadow his girlfriend’s already diminutive form, points his finger at her, his face growing red, the veins on his neck bulging out and shouts at the top of his voice, “NOW YOU’RE GONNA SHUT UP, WE’RE GONNA GO ON THE ROLLER COASTER, AND WE’RE GONNA START HAVING SOME FUCKING FUN!!” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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2 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Find Amusement Parks Amusing

  1. Ha! Or I should say, ugh. Strange how kids are drawn to such horrible places, right? I remember not being able to wait for the state fair to come to town, and that was a similar scene. We notice different things as adults I guess.

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